h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Major AkronU walks into the hanger, looks around, and inhales deeply*

ah, the sweet smell of airplane fuel

*walks over to UAV's and picks up a maintenance checklist*

Let's see if the SGC is better at maintaining its fleet than my old base

*see only one UAV needs maintanence and whistles lowly*

They run a tight operation here

*changes into coveralls and begins working on the UAV*

*a large open room with a lounge and a storage room that run off it. The SGC's complement of UAV's are lined up on stands against the rear wall.*

*the F-309 is in an adjacent hangar*

*finishes working on the UAV and bolts the cowling closed*

~~remembers the first time he saw a plane engine. An old Cesna 172 which almost led to giving up on flying.~~

*walks to storage room and sits down on a crate*

~~he was scared to death begging for his first flight to be over. On approach the radio gave out and he swore he'd never fly again. But after a new flight instructor and a newer plane he kept going, still scared but not willing to surrender.~~

I wonder how the chow is here

*leaves hanger for the mess*

*Major AkronU walks in and goes to the fridge in the storage room taking out a cold soda and opening it*

*drinks*

well, you're a long way from your first solo flight...

~~"taxi her off the runway over there" the flight instructor says. He thinks nothing of it as they often stop here for the famous $100 hamburger, he applies pressure to the brakes as the instructor opens the door and hops out "give me three touch and goes" the instructor says. He begins to protest but the instructor slams the door and pats the aircraft three time before running towards the diner. His mind blanks, he considers parking the aircraft and yelling at his instructor but instead presses down on the broadcast button "Cessna seven niner victor taxing for runway one two zero" he maneuvers the aircraft as he has done dozens of times. Once in position he pushes the throttle in continously until he is roaring down the runway. At 55 knots he pulls back on the yoke and is airborne. The rest is mostly a blur. He remembers having to go around the first time but he nails the last three and pulls into a spot next to an old Piper Cheorkee. Stepping out of the plane numbly his instructor runs up and begins to cut his shirt off "this is going right up on the wall, congratulations"...

*snaps out of his daydream*

*walks into the F-309 hanger and begins to wonder when he'll get permission to take her for his first solo*

*finishes examining the F-309 and walks into the supply room*

*searching for something*

ah ha! *holds up flight manual for F-309, it's huge*

with all this alien technology they could've at leats made this thing portable

*slings it under his arm and heads off to shower and grab a bite to eat*

*walks into hanger and goes through door to the F-309*

*Climbs the ladder and hops into the aircraft*

Ok, the layout is kind of like an F-15

*plays with some switches*

*plane engine begins to wind up*

whoops!

*opens manual and scans furiously then pushes a series of buttons*

whew

*continues checking out aircraft controls*

*Walter's voice comes over the squawk box*

SG-9 to Gate Room immediately! A UAV is needed for surveilance, and a possible search-and-rescue. SG-9 to Gate Room!

BOO YAH!

*runs over to UAV and loads it onto a cart*

*wheels it to the gate room*

*walks in and returns headset to its place on the wall*

whew, that was interesting.

*goes into the storage room and has a seat on a crate, props feet up*

*stands up abruptly*

I'm sure they'd let me

*runs towards gate room*

*comes jogging in and goes into one of the side rooms to put on his flight suit*

*climbs up into the F-309*

*performs startup sequence and runs through pre-takeoff checklist then notes the most recent weather conditions*

looks good

SGC flight control this is Foxtrot three zero niner I'd like to go VFR 8,000 for a southward vector to Area 51 and I have

roger three zero niner you are cleared for immediate takeoff on runway one eight

thanks flight, see you in a few hours

*taxies into position and slowly advances the throttle*

*runs through checklist for landing*

Nevada Airbase this is foxtrot three zero niner out of cheyenne mountain requesting final approach vector

(tower> roger three zero niner you are cleared for approach on runway zero one transfer to ground

affirmative tower, foxtrot three zero niner cleared for zero one switching to ground, have a good day

*turns on final approach*

*runs through landing checklist while deploying the landing gear*

*lands and taxies F-309 to a hanger designated by the tower*

ok, shutdown checklist

*runs through checklist and heads inside to finish his training on the simulators*

*saunters out to the F-309 and preflights it*

I don't EVER want to do that again

*hops in and fires it up*

Tower this is foxtrot three zero niner, thanks for the hospitality but if its all the same to you I'd like to head on home

roger three zero niner you are cleared for immediate takeoff on runway 21 have a nice flight

thanks tower, three zero niner out

*taxies to runway 21, does the run up and then shoves the throttles to their stops*

Cheyenne Mountain control this is foxtrot three zero niner requesting clearance for approach and landing

affirmative foxtrot three zero niner you are cleared for approach and landing, welcome home

thanks tower nice to be back

*lines up approach and then taxies the F-309 to its spot*

ok shutdown checklist

*hops out and heads for the kitchen/mess*