h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Disaster all round for me today. Allowed my emotions to get in the way on the first game - Portsmouth deserve anything they get - especially if its relegated.

A great day for football - Argyle win 3-0 at Forest, Barnet clinch the Conference title and Norwich beat Manchester United 2-0

A day for the Rebel Alliance

Although I really hope Forest stay up, like a lot of people I've got a soft spot for them, but I can't see it happening now.

Not a bad week for me at the old Fantasy Football either, I reckon.

A soft spot for Forest?

Pah! A bunch of effing scabs

Oh, shut your cakehole and get on with chalking the scores up!

No chance. I'm watching 'The Impressionists: The Revenge of the Nice' on Channel 4 at the moment.

Falkirk are promoted to the SPL and this time they have a stadium that meets SPL criteria and Gretna clinch the Div 3 title. Are they going to follow in the footsteps of Livingston and ICT and make it all the way to the top. And more to the point will they beat the record time set by Livi?

I'm not a regular betting man, but I think I might have a few quid on Gretna to win Division Two next season. Well done to them, to Falkirk and to Barnet.

After a slow start, the predictions did start coming in on Saturday morning, and we finished with a total of 15 entries. That's not bad I s'pose.

As for the scoring. Well there were a couple of good performances, but the majority were a bit under par. It just goes to show that they were right all along - sport and politics don't mix! Ormy was right about the connection: all the home games were held in Liberal Democrat constituencies.

The range of scores this week means that there are a few changes at the top end of the table. Ormy has made good his errors from last week and now holds joint top spot the McKay. With all the others close behind.

The performance of the week however, doesn't go to Ormy. That goes to Number Six, who has proved that if he does get around to dragging his lazy arse out of bed on a Saturday morning, he can come up with the goods. He's won this week with a fine and solid 12 points and a jump of five places up the table. Well done sleepyhead

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The Results:

Portsmouth 4-2 Charlton (YAKUBU, Stone, Fortune, Murphy, Kamara, LuaLua)

Torquay 1-0 Milton Keynes Dons (ABBEY)

Colchester 1-1 Hartlepool (JOHNSON, Sweeney)

Hereford 2-0 York (PURDIE, Smith)

Berwick Rangers 1-2 Stranraer (GAUGHAN, Finlayson, McLeish)

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The Points:

Number Six - 12 points (Portsmouth result, scorer & 1st scorer; Torquay result; Colchester result & score; Hereford result & score)

GreyDesk - 10 points (Portsmouth result & scorer; Colchester result; Hereford result & score; Berwick result)

Ormondroyd - 10 points (Portsmouth scorer & 1st scorer; Hereford result & score; Berwick result & score)

Yakusmaximus - 9 points (Portsmouth result, scorer & 1st scorer; Hereford result; Berwick result & score)

Master B - 8 points (Colchester result & score; Hereford result & score; Berwick result)

Bottletop - 7 points (Portsmouth scorer & 1st scorer; Hereford result & score; Berwick result)

AlexAshman - 6 points (Portsmouth result; Torquay result; Hereford result)

sprout - 6 points (Portsmouth scorer; Hereford result; Berwick result & score)

Owlatron - 5 points (Portsmouth result & scorer; Hereford result)

Tobbot - 5 points (Portsmouth scorer & 1st scorer; Hereford result & score)

Demon Drawer - 4 points (Hereford result; Berwick result)

McKay The Disorganised - 4 points (Hereford result; Berwick result)

meisere - 4 points (Hereford result; Berwick result)

riotact - 4 points (Hereford result; Berwick result)

me[Andy]g - 3 points (Portsmouth scorer; Hereford result)

Six points separate the top six! It's getting tense!

and charlton scorer ?? green un says s

Oh drat Yes you're right, Meisere. That's five points for you this week. Sorry.

One other title triumph this week that I think we should acknowledge: well done to AFC Wimbledon. They Who Would Not Be Franchised will be playing in the Ryman League Premier Division next season, after clinching the Ryman Division One title with a 1-0 win over the Metropolitan Police.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/eng_conf/4429427.stm

Oh that's excellent news!

Last season I went to the Blades away game at MK Dons. It was, I think, their second home game at their new Hockey Stadium ground. Even today I feel slightly grubby that I went there that night: handing over my good money to a bunch of sell-out merchants.

On the bright side, we won. And two, the FA told MK to give all the away fans a £5 refund on their tickets, as they deemed that charging us £25 to sit on an open terrace of temporary plastic seating was way too much.

The other memory of that night was us chanting "Wimbledon, Wimbledon, Wimbledon... " at the bemused Buckinghamshire locals, and "F*ck off franchise" when we fancied a change

disaster for me too. despite McK's false step i'm still where i was (and worse).

anyway, good work falkirk from the "sans souci" division of your worldwide fan club.

*wonders where he might be in the table if he'd managed to get his arse in gear week in week out*

Still, I suppose that's what marks out yer true champions. Often you see a player in the lower divisions have a brilliant game and think "He could play in the Premiership". Usually the reason he doesn't is that he's only capable of turning out a performance like that once or twice a month or even just once a season, rather than being able to do is on a regular basis.

So a bit like Jonathan Woodgate then?

Whilst I will admit that I'm not an avid watcher of MoTD and the like - about 1 show in 3 is my average. I can honestly say that I have never knowingly seen him kick a ball in anger on screen.

Well, I was thinking more of players like - say - Lee Trundle or Darren Currie. They do some brilliant stuff, but just not regularly enough.

Although I think your Woodgate analogy is more apposite.

And I do like the Guardian column 'Habla Espanol? con Jonathan Woodgate'

You've mentioned that column before. I've never seen it. Well at least not on the on-line version of the paper. Which day does it published in the ink on paper version?

Darren Currie - I suppose scoring, against the run of play, in their home fixture last October versus SheffU counts as his one good game per month or what ever

Currie is the definition of the law of the returning ex - we had him on loan once in the last month of an unsuccessful fight against relegation, and he's hardly ever failed to score against us.

Habla espanol? is in the 'clogger' section of the Monday Guardian sport section.

Although not this week