h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*returns from Aroma Cafe via the service left, followed by Ook, who immediately knuckles over to Mindspring, nabbing a cookie off a tray on his way*

Matina, take a little break from the kitchen and come out here. Where's Chloe? *looks for Odra's walkentity* Here, put these headphones on her.

I just wanted to give you both a present. *holds out two bottles of Chateau Pennzoil '72 - in the viscous high grade machine oil, little blue motes can be seen dancing and glittering* Matina, Chloe hasn't had blue dust before, so try and keep an eye on her, won't you?

Chloe should be alright. She's always been calmer than Ampton, who was a loose cannon from day one.

*Looks around, peacefully*

Not sure how much longer I can stay here. IRL we're about to listen to a CD someone in my family received as a present. I'm not the only Al Yankovic fanatic in the house it seems.

"Lil, please have a look at thread#113."

Merry Christmas from Sultandude!

Chloe and blue dust...hmm...

Any blue dust about for us nonrobotic entites?

Right then, it's Christmas. Presents?
Lil's first...since it's been so very patient...

*Odra taps the knee-high package five times. Shave-and-a-hair-cut... A blink of light is seen, then a rustle heard. The package taps back, twice. Two-bits! She grins, hands the end of the ribbon to Lil, and indicates that she give it a tug. Surprised, she does so, and the package neatly unfolds like a flower. And out steps...*

lntroducing Fanf! l borrowed one of Santa's elves...he's actually been staying in my room on the sly. l wired that floating wormhole to give him a passage back and forth; he popped back into the box every now and again to give it a rustle and confuse any would-be peekers!

*the elf grins, turns to Lil and, bowing, presents her with a sleigh-bell*

He's very kindly agreed to do your present for me...owed me a favor, he did! Whenever you're ready, simply ring the bell. He'll come to you and measure you for your present -- a custom made pair of Dehner dress boots, a show and a schooling pair of full-seat deerskin breeches (but this is magic material, mind -- no deer will be harmed) and a new tailored shadbelly. Call him at dusk, and your gear will be ready by the next morning! He's a very skilled tailor -- he specializes in making the doll's clothes, but works on the reindeer harnesses too, so he's had leather-working experience
Care to stay to dinner, Fanf?

*he declines politely, salutes the salonistas, and, grinning widely, vanishes with much flair*

Next: Affi...

Waltzes in, turkey sandwich and glass of champagne in his hands.

Can't stop, but beats watching the boat go down in Titanic (I mean we all knew the ending anyway!).

Merry christmas to all here and the regulars and irregulars who aren't here

Phil

Morning all on a Saturday-like Tuesday. I can report I am hurting at both ends of my body. Head (drink) and feet (sunburn).

I guess the only cure is more drink. Glug.

Well, Loony's here anyhow. Want your present? Might improve your outlook...

*hands Loony two exquisite crystal-and-silver flagons, one wrapped in a white silk cloth and one wrapped in a red one, both tied with gold cord bows*

These work along the same principle as the never-ending champagne bottle. The one on the left does reds, the one on the right, whites. Any vintage, just say the word and the flagon will fill.

And Phil!
*hands him an absurdely large wooden mallet straight out of a Warner Bros. cartoon, with an enormous bow round the handle*
This is your official Bonking Mallet for all things electronical. Give any misbehaving circuitry a whack and it should be good as new!

As for you, Affi...l know you already got a Dreamcast and all...but here's a little, ah, not-for-import accessory. Still in the testing phase, so keep quiet about it, yes? But just attach these electrodes according to the diagram before you go to sleep, and make sure the console is placed close enough to your bed to allow the cord to reach...

lt's Sega Lucid-Dreamcast! Even better than virtual reality, and your own subconscious controls the plotline! But don't forget to hook up the heart rate monitor. lt'll wake you, should you get -too- involved.

*brings in a basket of sweet oranges fresh picked from ox's trees*
Good cheer and peace, everyone.

Odradek, thanks. Here's your present. The small size of the package belies the size of the gift. Yes, you guessed right... they're the keys to a Sherman tank. It's parked out the back of the atelier.

Odra, fantastic! You noticed that I've been wearing riding wellies this whole time. I'll start breaking these in tomorrow. The other items are just as welcome, but I'll save them for our first public demonstration.

Time for me to hand out a few gifts. Odra, this little box contains a ladies' Rolex with a few other tricks built in. The most useful, for you, is this get-out-of-trouble button here. When the game turns weird or the cops turn up, hit the button and you can walk out of the room unnoticed.

And this button on the other side -- please don't push it in here -- puts out fires. Any size.

And for Looney, a 54-inch television -- sorry, it was too big to wrap -- *as CLI bots carry it in out of the service lift* but these fellows will help you get it home. There's a seven-speaker system to go with it.

ox, *hands her a small parcel wrapped in holographic paper* I thought you'd like a Rio MPEG player, since you are moving round a lot during the day.

Fresh oranges, mmmm. I'll have juice tomorrow.

*grinning hugely*

This get-out-of-trouble button is going to definitely come in handy after your present, Loony! And l love this band...

Ooh, ox, here's yours. After the cookery discussion l picked this up *holds up large, intricately-woven wreath of peppers*
Chilis from every continent.

*slips on watch and bounds off to check out The Tank*

Thank you Lil! The most fun will be figuring it out! I admit to being technically challenged.
I'll see everyone later...a call from a depressed friend. Peace!

Lil, I hope you like this gift. It's a fully-featured, web-enhanced version of Photoshop 6. Just the thing all the best-equipped artists are using in 2001.

*shuffling in with mud-caked boots and hay gleaming in her hair*
What a day!! Don't get too close, I think I stepped in something... Is there a stiff DC around here? And maybe a hot shower room??
I was thrown by my competition mount today, and I am a bit sore (and will be regretting my enthusiasm tomorrow), is there a good massage bot around?

*slightly late, but better than never , carrying an armful of presents*

Ok, for Lil, a patch for her ATI rage 128 that might allow her to play Alice, but more specifically enhance her Photoshop experience no end.

Odra, I have a ten superrocket fireworks, oh and this mortar to fire them from.

Loony, some a bottle of Perrier-Jouet champagne (you deserve it) and a bottle of aftersun.

Affi, some weird gizmo I found in a junk shop. Tells the time in 100 different galaxies, as far as I can figure out. Haven't worked out the blue button on the side yet...

Sporky, some more web space, so you can add your gallery

Phil, some decent bottles of beer, and the address of a recruitment consultant in Australia, if you fancy it

There are more, but I'll hand them out when i see you all later.

Hope you've all had a good time, and the big bloke inthe beard and red costume has been good to you.
Love to stay, but running on a big sleep deficit atm, so catch you all later.
Jools.

Hey trin! Go round that screen and down the hall, and pick a guest room that doesn't have a name on it. They all have their own bathrooms and there's lashings of hot water. At least at Blue Steed you could turn the horse over to the groombots and not have to do the gruntwork yourself!

Looney and Phil, O thank you! Maybe I'll have the courage to try Alice tomorrow! Perhaps it will say something oracular again, but more encouraging. I have been looking forward to PS 6, at least for the ability to make more web-ready graphics!

*Ook and Mindspring have fallen asleep in front of the hearth, in the middle of a scattering of orange peels and cookie crumbs*

*comes into salon via library*

Oh look, it snowed last night! And looks like I'm the first one up, for a change.

And I haven't given out all the presents yet, either. There's the shot silver bridle for Titania to use with Gandalf, the Boss Immolator (non-toxic) for Marv, the Zolo set for Amy (URL removed by moderator) the instant net restoration kit for Phil, and a laptop for Babel-17...

I wonder if Styx will visit?