h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Mindspring is wailing quietly in a corner of her cage*

Well, no sleep for us till this is resolved. Stop it Springie, you're breaking my heart.

*takes Mindspring out of cage and puts her on hearth rug, at which she begins to crawl, very slowly, toward the window*

Is quite funny to listen to actually

Well, we can't have this. *pours a healthy swig of Stolichnaya into a small bowl of orange juice and feeds it to Mindspring, then picks her up and carries her back to her cage*

At least she won't carry on all night. Dang, I never thought I would be trying to put a sloth to sleep. *Mindspring meeeeeeps a bit longer, then dozes off*

Here's the odd thing- Ampton shouldn't act like this. I mean, granted, being a sentient robot, it is possible for him to mildly alter his programming to cope with new situations, but it shouldn't have gone to these extremes, not even with his smoking/donut/breakdancing addictions! Either this isn't the real Ampton (which I doubt, because with the way I know the Lab, if we get someone who isn't the real deal, it's going to cause a more dangerous problem than this), or Ampton is being influenced to do this. Who would do that?

*Looks around the studio*

He doesn't talk to the monsters downstairs when they show up, Garius just wouldn't, I'm pretty sure that I didn't, Irving, I doubt it, Lil, no, Mike A . . .

*Looks at Mike A for a moment*

No, no, can't be Mike A. Not Phil, no, let's see, he's also in the donut stall, that makes Joanna, Eomando, GreyRose, BB, DD, . . . this is hopeless! THAT ROBOT'S BEEN ON H2G2 MORE OFTEN THAN I HAVE!!!

*Sits down and thinks*

Okay, we need to somehow confront Ampton, and talk to him about it. Let's see, he's probably in hiding in the magic forest, right?

*Thinks some more, then snaps fingers*

I've got it! Remember when I installed the anti-rat-ant field? Well, I made it so that I could put an impenetrable shield around the entire forest! He's trapped! All we have to do is turn it on, enter the forest (with my teleportation watches), and search the forest forums until we find him! That forest is big though . . . it expands to suit people's needs . . . no, it expands to suit the needs of researchers, not people! So, taking into account the laws of continuity and the fact that the forest won't grow unless we need it to, this forest should be slightly smaller than your standard national forest! With metal detectors handy, we should be able to find him!

*Runs down to lab, turns off the forum shield, enters lab, turns on the forum shield, runs through lab, fights off monsters, gets necessary equipment, turns off shield, fights off more monsters, exits lab, turns on shield, runs upstairs, panting*

Here's the stuff! Watch . . .

*Pushes a button on his OmegaWatch, and an electric glow surrounds the magic forest*

Just teleport in with these AlphaWatches. Garius, you already have one, right?

Surely if he's serious about Springie he's going to try to come back. Or else he's going to need doughnuts eventually. Could we set a trap? I think I'll take Mindspring with me to the cafe for the next week or so, and give her other things to think about.

Good idea, the Cafe is inside the forest anyway.

I'll post a watch at Joanna's, you keep a watch at the Cafe, and I'll have people patrolling the forest! Keep a close watch now . . .

*Turns on the force field*

Ampton can't get out of that forest now without digging some kind of escape tunnel! And he just isn't equipt for that!

*Walks to the Stall*

Well, Mindspring is deep asleep, and I'm tired too. I'll just set up the IIEM at the cafe then come back and get some rest.

{Continuity Alert: earlier this am Lil took Mindspring, avec cage, to the Aroma Cafe, where she now sits on the front window shelf}

It's so quiet in here without pets. Perhaps I should get a rabbit, maybe a Belgian hare. Or a cat. A cat would be better. *pours self a cup of OJ* What do y'all think?

Rabbits are very sweet.
Personally, I'm all for encouraging wild animals to tirn up. Wild things have so much charm to them
How'd you work out Mindspring was a chick?

I saw her with Ampton. *blushes*

Seeing as we're not on the ground floor, it would be difficult to encourage wild animals to come closer. Once the riding stable is underway, though, we can feed the deer and leave milk for raccoons and stuff, plus we'll need a cat to make sure the feed room is out-of-bounds for mice. Now don't go getting upset abbout this. We'll make arrangements for mice too. Don't forget that mice built Earth as a lab experiment.

{You mean, I'm just an experiment? A play thing for these humans? This cannot be...}
I love the Pokemon movie

Hell yeah, the stable. I went to the Pokemon website and got pictures and details of horses, but them my Temp Internet Files got wiped *^_^*

That was the twist in the plot for the original HHGTTG: The Earth was an experiment being conducted by some white mice, but the Vogons wiped it out before it was done, so the mice had to commission another planet...

Not to worry about Pokemon and all yet, because the stable project doesn't start till Sep 2000. But I do need you to put your imagination to work and make notes of your ideas for the project. As I have a lot of stable experience I'll be doing the buildings, but your input will be needed for the horse and pony herd and I think you might come up with some really interesting trails to take people out on!

Rent Baron Munchhausen.

Don't fprget the Golgafrinchan Ark B, with all the telephone hygenists...

I'm sure the pair of you'll also have a wonderful time thinking up names for all these horses and ponies to.

And Mike, do as Lil says and rent the movie. Even if to get everyone to shut up about it

Oh yes. But of course Ferrari will be the alpha horse.

Now where could I get a nice Abyssinian spotted cat or kitten?

I just spotted a kitten yesterday.

Sorry, couldn't help it. Lil, any sign of Ampton yet?

Thought Lil said the stable was being commisioned in may? Spetember sounds an awful long time away

Phil, the video shop is closed on sundays. Yesterday I was out and about for most of the day, but by the time I'd remembered to do renting the shop had closed

I will not fail to remind you.

August or September. I'll have the summer to get the architectural details together and you'll be back from Oz.

Affi, I didn't see Ampton at all, and Springie is sulking something fierce. Oh dear, think how hurt she's going to be if you re-program Ampton and he gives her the cold shoulder.

An Abyssinian kitten?

I'm trying to comprehend how massive the stable must be if it takes 3-4 months to get it going. This is gonna be rockin'

*returns from the Cafe carrying Springie in cage*

Well, it isn't so much hugeness as complexity. It'll be fun, especially when you take people out on rides and bring about "interesting" experiences. That's the point of trail design

Lil, could you please tell Springie this-Yes, Ampton is sentient, yes, Ampton is capable of emotion, but his parameters are so unstable that too much more of it could've made him explode. I mean, personally I think that's something we all agree that we don't want to happen, right?

Lil, this is where the crew that is climbing the Mt. SandEverest is breaking the continuity rules: http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=32568&thread=51000

BTW, The Green Jester is innocent. He's just using the PDCC to jump around the galaxy. I mean, that agrees with the continuity, right?