h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Reaches into his Donegal Tweed Jacket and extracts a penny whistle and starts to jam and jiog along to the band*

*his green felt hat falls over his eyes as he performs a high clich of the heels*

Kitty! But you don't look much like a cat.
*Backs away slowly, holding a beech nut up as defence*

*Bumps into the railing and falls over it into the sunken gallery. The sound of a splash follows*

*resists the temptation to get up and walk over to the hand rail*

*tries to figure out what could have caused the 'splash'*

*Looks over the rail. Holds up his hand with thumb and index finger extended, slightly apart.*

Missed it by THAT much.

*Plum looks over his shoulder to see who Wilde is addressing, realizes it must be him. He extends his hand in greeting*

I b-b-beg your pardon, are you speaking to me? Active service? I t-t-teach archeology at the University, if that's what you mean. That *points to the trebuchet* is not from my area of specialty, though.

A pleasure to meet you, sir.

*helps himself to more wine and, with another bow to Colonel Plum, wanders toward the suite from whence good savoury smells are wafting*

*simulpost!*

Takes the proffered hand and shakes*

There appear to be refreshments. Let us see what's on offer, shall we?

*Strolls with Oscar Wilde to the refreshments.*

I could do with a b-b-bite.

Why is every one in the paddling pool?

*rolls up trousers on tweed trousers and removes hobniualed boots and threadbare socks and palces blacked feet into the water*

*follows the tantalising smell of freshly cooked food*

What a delicious array of edibles. I never know when I'm going to get called away on some quest or chivalrous deed, I find it is always wise to tuck in when the opportunity arises.

*tapping her pipe on the edge of the chair, Madame Zora nods to Mr. Holmes*

Pleasure meeting your acquaintance

*She raises her nose in the air, as if she has noticed something she had previously failed to relate*

You'll excuse me, sir. I do believe I left something attached to my shawl that I'll soon be needing.

*Zora shuffles past the string group, whispering something in the conductor's ear before she passes. He nods, gives a wink and calls a recess*

Ladies and gentlemen, please try to avoid inventing extra environmental features. You may inadvertently interfere with plot developments. There was no water feature of any sort in the New Gallery as shown on the map.

May we compromise on this and allow that there is now a small fountain in one corner of the sunken area.

Thank you.

*Casually strolls over to the trebuchet. Turns his back to the room and bends over the trebuchet, ostensibly to examine it closer.*

Max: Agent 43! You in there?

*A small window in the arm of the trebuchet opens and a face peers out.*

Agent 43: That you, Max?

Max: Yes, it's me. See anything suspicious yet?

Agent 43: Nothing yet, but I was out cold for a while after someone fired this thing. Spilled my drink, too.

Max: Well, keep watching. We know it's going to happen sometime tonight.

Agent 43: Right Max. Be sure to try the mini-eggrolls. They're very good.

*The small window closes. Max casually walks over to the refreshment room, takes a mini-eggroll and eats it. He gives a thumbs-up in the general direction of the trebuchet.*

*in transferring a sausage roll to his mouth, his mask slips down over the visor and obscures his vision*

Drat, this helmet is so shiny that my mask keeps slipping. Anyone got any double sided sticky tape?

/Vash wanders over to the food and looks for donuts. He eats them heartily when he thinks none are looking/

*nods agreeingly with continuity announcement*

That *would* account for the 'splash', wouldn't it?

*notices that his pipe has gone out while he was pondering*

Oh well - *shrugs*

*wanders off in search of something to eat*

*passes a Vash a *

Try this one.

I think I shall have a slice of that quiche.

Once again I am in the vanguard. Where I go, everyone follows.

*samples the kedgeree*

*Calls up from the fountain*

I am all rought - I am just inspecting this, this, fountain! Yes, it seems I have discouvered that someone has plessed a fountain in the gallery whilst no one was louking. It is due to my sharp nose for detail that I see these things. Have no fear, I wool soon be at the bottom of it. Yes.

*Climbs out of the fountain and joins the others, trailing water behind him. Extends a wet dripping gloved hand to Oscar Wilde.*

I do nut believe we have met...

*Removes the glove and extends a wet dripping hand*

I am Chief Inspector Clouseau.


Fountain? I would have been satisfied with a bucket.