h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh, alright then

* HE wanders in bearing some uncompleted starcharts, looking mildly amused that the American didn't get the British T.V reference *

Let try to be a little more 'transatlantic' about things people...

* Looks over at 'Tech' *

...er, and Tasman Seaish...

* Quickly moving on before HE has to move on... *

Sorry about the lack of ceremony as yet Mr.Tech, if you have read the Post, you will know I have a major celestial event to deal with, so it's all stations GO !!!

- Simply High Spirited.

And what was the point in this post? Just curious, you know. And besides, it is my duty, which GOD himself has given me

Attention all Angels! Attention all Angels! the ceremony for the sainting of TECHNICOLOR YAWN will begin in five minutes in the EAST garden! ATTENDANCE IS MANDATORY!(that means you too, Jeltz..)

*there is a horrendous grinding sound, followed by the gentle swoosh of elevator doors opening. Zax, Lisa and Io step out, Tweetie and Cloughie flying over their heads*

*all of the older angels having gathered in choir formation for the ceremony, the N.G.A.s lead them in a joyous hymn... or rather a hymn that would be joyous if Rasputin hadn't been behind the bar last night*

* Dressed in a freshly drycleaned Angel suit, Zax moves forward to face the congregation*

" are we ready?
is this thing on?
oh, feedback. fun. alright.. let's see now... who's on the docket... oh. right. the scary one. well, let's see now...

"Technicolor Yawn,

You have read the Service Agreement for the H²G² New Guardian Angels. You have passed the enterance exam. And so, as we stand before our peers, I hereby .. welcome you into the New Order as Saint Techni., Patron Saint of the
Morally Inactive¹.

Now Rise and Go Forth. get to know your fellow Saints, and prepare yourself for the return of GOD to our midst, whence HE shall assign you your Holy commission.. "

*As the sword lifts, Wings begin to sprout from Techni's back, large, radiant, gleaming white wings. Zax leans down to place a golden halo on Techni's head, tweaking it to make it just slighty askew, then chucks him under the chin.*

Welcome aboard, bud!




Saint Zax*
*walking the line________ for the nice police officer...
¹To be ammended as GOD sees fit.

Congrats, Techni

Can I be an angel? I don't know what of... the really lost?

Well, ZB, as you would be the youngest angel among us, and i have this thing about corrupting minors.. (more of a nervous tic, really!). you have to understand that i'm not gonna rush right in and perform the ceremony... HOWEVER.. maybe if you can explain to us why you feel worthy...?


Saint Zax* The Archangel
(really just wanting to see her squirm... oops, there's that tic again)
*the Patron Saint of Drunken Indulgence(NGA), the True Brownie(CotTB), and WHATEVER,(CoW)

Guardian Angel applications?

ooh, ooh, ooh, me me me!

Sorry, I'll calm down now. But I really feel that I'd fit right in as Patron Saint of Blue Mouse Mats

On second thoughts, how about Patron Saint of Restricted Access?

Zax - corrupting the youth? Sorry, you're a bit late with that rule.

Uh oh. did i just put my foot in the AGE question? c'mon Io.. you're not 13 are you? i thought Mike was our youngest at 15...? ah well... we can still have some fun!

Can I be patron saint of humour. Or at least wit. Maybe even professional idiots.

3

JOTD: I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.

* All is relatively quiet in Heaven, out across the clear waters of Lake Plenitude, the Island of Solace - is less than. As a radiant moon shines down on the dappled water, a number of Saints are presently decked out in pyjamas *

GOD - Alright, I thought we might come out and enjoy the night air for a change...

* Mentally adds ‘... instead of propping up a barstool. ’

GOD - Well then... are we all here ?

* HE scans the interior of the smallish veranda of the only building on the island *

GOD - Alright, everyone seems to be here... except Saint Christopher & Saint Lisa...

* Saint Ioreth looks on forlornly. Ponders ‘You never know what you have got, until it’s gone...’ *

GOD - Anyway, We are gathered here tonight to witness the induction of three joyous editions to our ranks...

* Notices ‘Evil’ Dan has brought his bedding with him... *

GOD - ...and lo & behold if it isn’t Saint Lisa joining us ...

* Looking radiant, looking more than a little chased. God Ponders - ‘ ... I might have to reassign her now’ *

* Saint Christopher suddenly appears, it appears he was the one doing the ‘chasing’. Saint Thistle immediately gets a little uncomfortable in their presence, it appears we have found the forth side in the lovers ‘triangle’ *

GOD - Ah...where was I ? Yes, that was it...

* Thinks back earlier today when the newly christened Saint Washington was found dangling from powerlines. I must get St.Peter to do some more flying lessons... *

GOD - Would you like to step forward Zoë I hereby dub you Saint Zoë The Patron Saint of the Painfully Shy . As teenagehood is a time of finding oneself, it can be a very traumatic time, therefore I seek you to go forth and comfort those who feel the desire to hide out of sight...

* A swirl of quixotic light descends upon the new saint, amongst all this a golden sword flashes like a beacon all throughout the lake. A pair of wonderous white wings spring forth of pure elegance, whilst a wonderful pure white halo descends from up on high *

* Saint Technicolor quips, ‘she isn’t THAT pure...’ *

* Saint KornBall & Cutlery add another comments, but I think the lawyers would be despatched, if I was to relay them... *

* GOD turns to the next potential Saint... who is nowhere to be seen *

* After a little coaxing with some kind words, a figure emerges from the undergrowth *

GOD - I hereby dub you Saint Possum the Patron Saint of Creatures of the Night. May you go forth and guard the souls of the night & neon landscape...

* The air breaks as the large Golden Sword emerges yet again, cleaving some of the more obstinate molecular particles in two. A bright light breaks forth from around the back of Saint Possum, it comes from the red-neon flashing wings & a golden halo... *

GOD - Well, you have to have some kind of light source for nightwork...

* HE turns to the third of the potential saint. A three pronged hat and a maniacal face greet him... Ponders ‘...here comes trouble’ ‘)

GOD - Now we come to our final recipient. Would you step forward, please. I hereby dub you Saint Jester the Patron Saint of Village Idiots. May you go forth and make other misfits look sane in comparison...

* The golden sword flies through the atmosphere, some of the distant relatives of the ‘expired’ former atoms beat a hasty retreat. A golden halo appears around Saint Jester’s neck, whilst the wings appear - momentarily. Every ‘Now & Then’, disappearing when you LEAST expect it... *

* HE finally turns towards Saint Technicolor... *

GOD - I would like to make a slight adjustment to your title... I hereby dub the Patron Saint of the Morally Moribund. May you go forth and have a surly word with those who have chosen to give up morality for lent - in perpetuity...

* Gradually, things wind down to a pleasant, if cold, evening. Saint Cheese is a little put out that he has to share the great big hamper around. Fierce expressions are exchanged between Saint Ioreth & Saint Lisa. Saint Zax has brought along some of the brew he recently concocted with Rasputin, which acts like a positive furnace in one’s belly, warming the saints no end. Saint Benji proves to be the life of the party belting out some rather lewd sea shanties, then... *

Hermit - What’s all this about then ! I come all the way out here to get away from your pious kind, now you decide to have a party on my doorstep...!!!

GOD - Look, we only...

Hermit - Well La-De-Daaa, don’t we speak with such a plum in one’s mouth. Who do you think you are - God ?

GOD - Well, now you come...

Hermit - Just, push off ! The lot of you...!!!

GOD - ‘.......’ ?

* Despite God’s valiant protestations, the party beat a hasty retreat back to the boat. Fortunately, the party sees the funny side of it and it doesn’t spoil the mood one iota... *

- Simply, High Spirited.

Please, scroll down to part III for further postings...

Thanks