h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh gosh no! To work or to make work is a sin around here! Basically, to be saint in the Church of Weekendism you just have to ask and not be anything higher than Big Evil Dan is. He's been off wandering the wide world for a while now (really, I don't know where he is but it'd be too much trouble to find out). I believe he is a high priest but again, it would be too much trouble (to me) for me to find out, what with the reading and the clicking... whew. I'm tired just to think of it! So, what's your forte?

I've always thought I would be good as the Saint of Lazy Summer Afternoons and Those Snuggled Up,Warm, in Bed on Cold, Wet, Windy Winter Mornings.
Then again, it's always been too much trouble to find out.

Well then you fit right in! Do you want to be the Saint of Lazy Summer Afternoons and Those Snuggled Up,Warm, in Bed on Cold, Wet, Windy Winter Mornings? I'm qute sure we don't have one yet.

Well, I'd love to! If it isn't to much trouble...

Bing! There you go! Easy as that.

Has the Saint of Daydreaming and Sleeping In Class been taken yet? I do plenty of *that* on a daily basis.

I'm pretty sure neither has been spoken for. Do you want to be saint of both, or saint of one, maybe high priestess of the other? Lemme know.

Hmmm... Saint of Daydreaming would be fine, actually. Surprised it's not taken.

Well.... I suppppose I could look it up to be sure.... don't look like that's gonna happen though...

I'm sure there isn't one already. So you are now Kudos, Patron Saint of Daydreaming and sleeping face down in a text book.

...or is that last part just me?

I want to join!

Ooooh, and can I be a saint? Can I be the Saint of Not Wearing Clothes?

OF COURSE YOU CAN BE A SAINT!! Saint of being NEKKID!! Oh, wait, you said "Saint of not wearing clothes" didn't you? I might have had to look to see if there wasn't already a SAINT OF BEING NEKKID! but I am sure that we don't already have a "Saint of not wearing clothes" so, if you're sure that's what you want to be, then you can be. Sounds just a teeny bit UPTIGHT for this group, but I'm not gonna force you to mellow.

By the way, Saint Lawrence is the Catholic patron saint of bar-b-ques. If you want to know why, then I'll tell the story.

I didn't mean to sound uptight, I just thought "SAINT OF BEING NEKKID!" might sound kinda weird...

Can you tell the bar-b-que story now?

WEIRD? YOU CALLING ME WEIRD BOY??? HA! Didn't think so.

Larry was one of Rome's seven deacons in 258, one of his jobs was treasurer. Bad time for the Catholic Church. Pope Sixtus II was killed by the government and as he was being led off to die, he told his buddy Larry that he would meet the same fate in three days. Larry was thrilled at the prospect (christians, go figure) and quickly started giving everything away to the poor.

When the prefect of Rome heard what was going on, he gave Larry three days to bring him the Church's treasures. Three days later, Larry showed up with many of the poor, sick, and homeless people he worked with. The prefect asked what the deal was. Larry said, "You wanted the treasures of the Church. These are the treasures of the church." Not surprisingly, this pissed the prefect off and he ordered Larry to die via slow roasting on a grill. And the proof that the Catholic Church has the funniest saints: at one point Larry called out to his torturers "You can turn me now, I'm done on this side."

That is the skinny on St. Lawrence. If you doubt it look at page 434 of "Voices of the Saints" by Bert Ghezzi. I didn't believe my mom when she told me. Now, what was it you thought would sound weird?

*raises eyebrows* This whole conversation is weird...


...but weird=good in my book.

Well I'm glad you like it. Isn't that a great story though? Now you gotta admit that St. Larry, patron saint of bar-b-ques, is the kinda guy who might feel at home in the church of weekendizm (especially with a sense of humor like that!)

Wow... I always thought all Catholic saints were boring.

You know, you'd be amazed at how UNboring some of them were. It just seems like after a few hundred years their images get as dusty as their statues.

Unboring saints? Isn't that blasphemy or something?

I just told you the story of the martyrdom of Saint Lawrence put forward by the Catholic Church. If that is the official story, and it is patently unboring, then I don't think it's blasphamous for saints to be unboring, just ironic.