Escape Pod Dreams, the Novice novelist Issue

Ten steps to ruining your own novel.

It is an odd thing that with all the books crowding the shelves of people's houses, libraries, book stores and department stores, as well as boot sales and yard sales, that there are at least a million dingdongs sitting down right this minute at their typewriters, word processors or legal pads to begin another.

Whole faculties of universities and colleges have busy fingers and minds churning out manuscripts. Every town, no matter how small, has at least two busy beavers working away madly or slowly at a book-length pile of paper.
Industries have sprung up to publish magazines, books and reference works for the would-be and be-be writer of the longer forms.

While many people take the easy way out and write their tomes on factual (or in the case of biography or history, semi-factual) subjects, actually seeking to contribute to the knowledge of the reader and, possibly, the next generation,

others write about objects, detailing every colour and form made, with variations and rarities specifically noted. Still more write in a philosophical mode about reality and the objects found therein, telling us what they think they thought about them there things and their impact on the impacted society.

Still and all, the most popular form of book-lengthy writing is lying. Fiction. Fantasy. An act of imagination on the part of the writer and, it is to be hoped, the reader. Lying. Fiction. A novel, if you will. It is the the hardest form of writing, to be judged on your lies, not your facts.
Now, some, will, contradict me wholeheartedly and say that writing lies is easy. Most of them who would say that haven't done this. Them they there assume that just pulling something out of your head is the easiest thing in the world. Most of them they don't have much in their's to begin with, let alone enough imagination to deal with any lies of their own. They have to be happy with other people's lies and then embarrassedly disparage them so we won't think they're actually aware of the process that they take for granted.
There is also a group of 'teachers' of 'writing' out there who have bored to tears and into inaction thousands of potential writers who probably will never crank anything out that would satisfy anyone but another teacher. These teachers babble about such crap as 'write what you know'. They also attempt to incorporate the dictates of english composition and newspaper reporting into the act of lying. Horse pucky.
In this issue of EPD, we will attempt to unlearn you of most of what you think you know about writing lies in a fictional manner.
Not that we know that much about it, but we are willing to share our ignorance and we think we can lie pretty good.

The ten easy steps:

1. 8:57 AM
Ten steps to ruining your own novel, Part 1
by
Your Other Right Foot (appearing nightly without warning)

2. 9:57 AM
Ten Steps To Ruining Your Own Novel #2
by
Your Other Right Foot (appearing nightly without warning)

3. 10:57 AM
Ten Steps To Ruining Your Own Novel #3
by
Your Other Right Foot (appearing nightly without warning)

4. 11:57 AM
Ten Steps to Ruining Your Own Novel #4
by
Your Other Right Foot (appearing nightly without warning)

5. 12:57 AM
Ten Steps To Ruining Your Own Novel #5
by
Your Other Right Foot (appearing nightly without warning)

6. 1:57 AM
Ten Steps To Ruining Your Own Novel #6
by
Your Other Right Foot (appearing nightly without warning)

7. 2:57 AM
Ten Steps To Ruining Your Own Novel #7
by
Your Other Right Foot (appearing nightly without warning)

8. 3:57 AM
Ten Steps To Ruining Your Own Novel #8
by
Your Other Right Foot (appearing nightly without warning)

9. 4:57 AM
Ten Steps To Ruining Your Own Novel #9
by
Your Other Right Foot (appearing nightly without warning)

10. 5:57 AM
Ten Steps To Ruining Your Own Novel #10
by
Your Other Right Foot (appearing nightly without warning)