h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Thinks: They cannot leave until I'm conscious as I'm the one that has to navigate them out of this harbour. And where to next, having gotten them to the island of beautiful naked, nubile maidens.?*

*thinks about this thought that he couldnt have possibly heard, and lugs a few maidens over his shoulder too*

*LeRue walks alond behind him, kicking sand*

They're not very nubile are they?

Nope. Ah well, better than nothing. Did you bring the shipkeys? I left mine on the dashboard.

Here are the keys, captain. Now let's get this show on the road....

Har har cap'n. Let's be having you and release the anchor. Har har. Full steam ahead me hearties. Where be we bound now, cap'n.

Steam? Oh yeah! That reminds me. I had a new idea for propelling the boat, and installed what I will call an "external combustion engine". Origionally, I had planned to go for an internal combustion engine, but it was still blowing up by close to my planned installation date, so I decided to change the name, alter the instruction manual and just go ahead with it. Its almost guaranteed to be safe. LeRue, If you'd like to do the honours?

*Dons protective clothing and helmets*

LeRue? Hello? *waves hand in front of LeRue's inactive features, shrugs and takes the key in his hand*

Oh, yes, one more thing. My calculations showed that these would all be necessary to make this baby go... *puts up pink fluffy die on the front of the boat, a huge sound system that only plays the bassline in the middle of the ship, and a pointlessly spindly aerial on the mast. A spoiler appears on the back of the galliant vessel. Nuge puts the key into the ignition*

This is one small step for man...

Watches with rest of crew from lifeboats two miles away, waiting to see what will happen. Uses extremely high powered telescope.

<<>>

LeRue, You want to unfreeze and do the honours of starting this marvel of technology, or will I?

*waves hand in front of LeRue's face, wondering why he won't post. He shrugs, and, with the aid of a cannon, a grappling hook and some rope, he gets LeRue and Liquid strapped into a set of chairs with seatbelts. He turns the key in the ignition...*

<<>>


*begins to turn key...*


<<>>

*Snaps out of the comatose and jumps into a *

<<< Wow! Sweet TARDIS... Beautiful >>>

*turns the key*

[ship: *turns purple, swirls around, falls, lands on top of itself, turns into gas and a small piece of cheese while not changing at all, and disappears from where it was a second ago. The clouds overhead turn into blurs as the Green Dragon flies across the water*]

*Appears in another , grabs LeRue and brings him back to the Green Dragon, before strapping him in, and getting someone to serve cocktails*

*sulks in the corner*

Arrives in Grabs LeRue and takes the two of us to island of nubile young ladies, 24 hour pubs with free booze and food.

*As they reach the island, a loud roar is heard, and the Green Dragon ploughs into the side of the island. The dice are smouldering slightly and the spoiler seems to be glowing*


Spoilsports.

Offers XCaptain Tobias an and a