h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Or LeRue of the Green Dragon. I resign! *jumps into a lifeboat and hurls it overboard to safety*

Erm excuse me cap'n but erm, you've just thrown the bath tube over board, and you haven't a plug in it, so erm, the erm water in flooding into your bath tube. I'll tell you what. I'll winch you back in again and we can let the other captain take the responsibility. How's that?

THat'll do then. *Allows the bathtub to be reeled in* No way we can stop the ship now, is there?

Ok bosun, with a touch of your hand guide us safely into port. Hang about Cap'n what's this. When the chef made us up a packed lunch to take ashore, he thought he used greaseproof paper, but in effect he has used some of my charts. Let's see what they reveal about this island. Unless of course, a man of your great infinate wisdom, knows where we are.

*rips up the charts* Who needs them?

Ah yes right, well, ok, then, Well we'll just go ashore without charts then shall we? If that's ok by you, captain

*LeRue is all ready on the island*

Hello Nubile ladies... I say, is this Nubilia?

* ladies speak strange unusual language which is incomprehensible*

Did you manage to rescue the language book from the fight Captain LeRue?

Last I saw of it, it was getting it's P's and Q's ripped out by the Spanish dictionary.

How are we going to translate what these girls are saying....Mind you from the gestures,.. Oh do you mind, madam, that belongs to me...Well really, have we been introduced? Excuse me captain, these two young ladies are insisting on showing me something in this hut. Well really madam, you have warmed your hands first.

phorr! Oh wow, oh wow, gasp gasp. Well I must say young lady you certainly know your way around a man's body,.ooohhh!! I say by jove.wow oh wow oh wow!!!!

Bosun, thats a tree.

Relieves captain of drugs and booze so captain can see the nubile young ladies who surround Larue and himself.Is interested in the position Larue and a girl are adopting, not beleiving it could be possible to perform in the position.Larue must be very athletic. Must be pose number 68 in the Kurma Sutra

*helps the girl chop the onion's*

A HOME COOKED MEAL!!!

Bosun, stop eating those mushrooms and get some spuds peeled. Your scurvy is bleedin awful to be around. These nice ladies aren't just sexual objects, they also cook food.

1/3 tsp olive oil. 1/2 tsp butter. pork chops. freshlity ground black pepper. clove of garlic crushed. squeeze of lemon juice. leaves from rosemary, finely chopped. 50g tin anchovy fillets in oil, drained and mashed in a coarse pasate with a fork. 100g unsalted butter, softened.

I'll have the burnt steak!!

Ok, suit yourself.
*Tosses blackened meat object onto LeRue's plate.*
Wine with that? White or red?
I don't know I get you to your Nubulia island, and all you can do it eat.

No no a burnt steak as in Wood!

Oh you mean Stake!!!