h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

~Roger~
Affi, is it my imagination, or have my orchids become agitated? Don't answer. I sense it. It was while Odra was hypothesizing, they seemed to become ..... uncomfortable. Defensive? I'm sorry, I must sound like Deanna Troi. *looks over edge of raft* Ferrari, what do you think?

*sits up, vaguely startled to hear a voice in head (aside from the usual sixteen, that is)*

~Oo, neat. l hear you, Affy. Picking me up, as well?~

*considers cooking up some of the orchids for lunch, but is a little bit concerned about the effects of ingesting them, even in a nice garlic butter sauce with tarragon and a pinch of marjoram.*

*sighs and pulls out some of the last of the fresh vegetables and opens a can of water chestnuts and makes sandwiches: pan fried bread with watercress, diced green onions, strips of red and yellow bell peppers, pea pods, bean sprouts, and water chestnuts with a garlic butter paste with tarragon and a pinch of marjoram*

We may want to start thinking about food sources here soon.

~l don't know, Lil. Mine seems to be taking all that talk of mine rather in stride, though l wasn't looking at yours to see...~

*breaks off suddenly and sits down, holding her head*

~Hey, is...is anyone else picking up that...that buzzing?~

*appearing to be rather in pain, crumples slightly, putting head between knees*

*looks up from sandwich making to realize that he's been hearing strange sounds in his head*
What? Is something going on with the orchids then? Sorry, I was busy cooking. Is Odra OK?

*a little startled, as she was concentrating hard on sandwiches*
*reaches over and removes the orchid from the side of Odra's neck*

You might be more sensitive to these than I, what with being so much younger. *watches as the orchid migrates up her arm and goes out of sight, joinging the others on her head*

Oh well, pick yourself another off me whenever you feel ready. Now if only we could have put one of these on Styx. *giggles at the image and then suddenly goes very sober* Guys, the orchids know where Styx is.

*sits up again, blinking slightly*

Y'know, l don't think those orchids like me very much...
*shrugs, watching Redbeard curiously, then suddenly Lil's comment sinks in*

They do? Where is he? He's been gone ages...

*thinks a moment, and selects the very smallest of the orchids, assuming it'll be easier to manage*

~Where?~

~I can't make sense of the location, these flowers are talking in vegetable terms.~
~Styx and a robot are at the taproot.~

Affi, Redbeard, are you getting this? I find myself about to ask a horse what a vegetable is thinking....

~Dark...underground...he's definitely underground...somewhere important...

The taproot. He must be at the centre of something. But how did he get underground, around here?

*thinks back*
Affy's tunnel? Maybe they've been expanded to an underground network, and Styx is at the main branch of it?~

*sighs, shakes head*
~l don't know where. Could the orchids guide us there? Or might W2 know?~

~Lil, I don't know if age affects people like this much. I'm fairly young, and haven't really had many ill effects. Granted I've been exposed to most forms of radiation, magic, and alchemy known to exist, but I should still be susceptible where age is concerned. You say that your orchids were agitated, but Odra's were taking it fairly easy? Perhaps the orchids are meant to keep each other in check, instead of keeping their hosts in check. And then, there's the tunnel buisiness. W2, can you tell us where a nearby entrance to the CLI Access Tunnel might be?~

*Waits for a while, before realizing that W2 can't hear the telepathy*

W2, can you tell us where a nearby entrance to CLI Access Tunnel might be?

*GL's stomach growls as he smells the garlic butter.*

Mmmmmm. That going to be ready soon?

*GL catches Affy's last comment. Looks over at W2, who has been listening intently to all that has been said.*

W2: I don't understand everything you are talking about, and it reminds me of how my father used to talk. He used to talk about different skins, but I don't really understand what that means. He would refer to the "orchid skin disaster" and he gave me the jar of goo to protect myself from the orchids. He was captured many years ago by the thugs he referred to as italians or something. They are working for Apes and wear Ape suits and try to be just like the apes. You can usually tell, though - they're a bit uncoordinated. Oh yes, you wanted the nearest entrance to the tunnels? The native alabastites never go down there - they think they are haunted. I do my best to try to keep that illusion alive. *grins* The nearest entrance would be through the trap door in my hut.

~Red uses some goo to remove his own orchid~

Look, if we can read eachother's thoughts, anyone else with an orchid can read ours, and I don't want to risk that sort of thing. By the way, this W2 can't be making all the drinks we ordered in the past. The IIEM brings simple things -- Lattes, cappucinos, teas, etc, from a designated liason in the future. Things like Usuals and Ook must be brought from other sources. THe IIEM would search out whatever ingredients it required, and provide them. It could go backwards in time, or forwards, but it would take the raw ingredients and improbably combine them for whatever was needed (except Ook was probably taken whole).

I agree with the plan to continue on to CLI, but let's leave W2 to his work. I'm sure Irv would be a bit unsettled if we created a non-researcher descendant of him who had to be accounted for logically in acordance with the laws of continuity.

~loads pistol~

I'm here on safari -- that means big game hunting.

/Red

... ...

HEH HEH HEH! Crater guys know that you know those words? *watches Ampton type at a breakneck pace*

*suddenly a sprinkling of dirt and cobwebs falls on floor and Styx*
Feh!
*thin man can be heard shouting from somewhere nearby, muffled*
*Ampton leaps from the chair and looks up, then shoots an arm way out and up, gets fingers around an edge and pushes. A terrible noise like screeching metal fills the room*
Trapdoor up!
*Styx scurries right up Amptonand leaps for edge of sliding trapdoor. Ampton holds him ready to go down in case of trouble*

Sloping corridor. Strange people that way. Fresh air the other way.

...

OK, I'll head upwards. I'll find Crater guys and tell them where you are.

*Puts some Classic Goo on his orchid*

Good thinking, Red. Of course, I'll probably take a sample of this stuff back to CLI when we're done. It'll have to eventually be destroyed, of course, but this is the kind of thing that just has to be looked into.

Okay, let's get to CLI, see if we can work out exactly what's happened since we left h2g2, who knows how long ago.

*puts some garlic butter on his orchid, which promptly runs away*
Hmmm... must have sensed I was thinking about cooking it.

GL, the sandwiches are ready. Help yourself! I've got a bunch of them here.

*starts to work some magic with some hot coffee, semi-sweet chocolate, Grand Marnier, eggs, and a few other ingredients in a battery-operated blender with built-in coolant coils. Opens a can of mandarin orange slices and adds them to the mixture.*

And dessert is also ready! Mandarin Orange Chocolate Mousse -- my own recipe which, by the way, is much darker, denser, and richer than the usual mousse.

After all, we need some energy for the next part of the journey.

*Ferrari's nose appears over the edge of the raft, sniffing after chocolate*

Don't let him have any of that. *Lil passes Ferrari one of the vegetable sandwich concotions. Prehensile lips delicately take hold of the food and the nose disappears*

Everybody, Redbeard is quite right, we should eat first, then carry on. Did someone mention wine?

Oh, I forgot... anybody not interested in the vegetable sandwiches, I've got some cold sliced filet mignon sandwiches as well, leftovers from the steaks we had earlier.

Oh, yes, and wine...

I got some bottles from Løøney before we left...
*rummages in bag*

Afraid the labels have come off from the humidity. You'll just have to take your chances.

Or, if you're more in the mood for something red, I've always got these bottles on me. ~pulls out bottles~

They're made with magic grapes that grow in a corner of the Aroma Forrest that Irv and the rest haven't discovered yet. If he new I was brewing alcohol on site he'd be quite upset (chuckle). Anyway, the wine tastes exactly like whatever wine you like best. The alchoholic effects have yet to be messured...

/Red

*tries to pluck off orchid, has considerable problem doing so*
Can someone pass me the Goo to get this thing off? lt seems to have gotten rather...attached...

*decides to worry about it later, snags sandwich and also a glass of Red's red. At the first sip of wine, the orchid falls from her neck, obviously stunned*

Hee.
Well, should we run short of Goo, we definitely have an attractive alternative in this wine...
*another sip, and enjoys sandwich*

Redbeard, you're incredible.
And you'd better not tell lrv 'bout this stuff, Red...it's too good to risk losing.

*has been consulting with Ferrari*
Um, guys, Ferrari doesn't want to have anything to do with tunnels. We're going to have to stay above ground. We can stay in touch by orchid or radio, and guard this stuff while you're below ground. Truth be told, I'm not too fond of caves myself. Claustrophobia.