h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

~disembodied voice~

Wooooo! She must have Fredericks of Hollywood on speed dial.

And look at this! Is that a Kaftan? And look at all these beads! I wonder where she goes dressed in these.

*sound of another door opening*
A football uniform? Phew! Smells like it's been used a lot, too.

~disembodied voice~

That's nothing, come and look at this treasure trove Garius ...... Dolce and Gabana rubber sunglasses, lemon coloured Doc Marten combat boots, an imitation Kit Carson beaver hat died purple and yellow with soft italian leather piping and platinum accessories, a pale blue safari suit with hand stitched lapels, an imitation tiger stripe handbag, white socks with sandals, flood pants, polka-dot shirts with braces and ten-gallon hats, a Madonna era pointy bustier, a puce coloured Homburg style hat with vermillion soft italian leather piping accents, a complete Michael Jackson "Bad" outfit, clown shoes and a western-fringed buckskin shirt with the words "Yee-Haw" emblazoned in rhinestones on the back.

This must be her going out gear !

~disembodied voice~

That's just...stunning. Who'd have ever thought, eh? You know, that safari suit might have been appropriate for the current adventure. Wait, what's that sticking out from behind the clown shoes, way at the back.

Hey! It's a case of chimpagne! Chateau Barefeet 1958. Red Dog, we're in business! Help me get it out of here and over to those big armchairs over there. I'll throw on one of her CD's

~disembodied sound of Barry Manillo singing~


...at the Copa, Copa Cabana...

~disembodied voice~

Hang on I've just got to move this box of sequin encrusted slingbacks signed "with admiration and envy from your friend and pupil Imelda" and I'll be there.

The '58 you say .... superb vintage. Ah here it is

~sounds of chimpagne cork popping~

~disembodied voice~

One bottle for you, and one bottle for me. Here's to a successful safari.

~sounds of clinking bottles, then gurgling~

Ah, 1958 was a good year, eh?

~more gurgling sounds~

Say, I wonder if she has any munchies....

*climbs down, ignoring the noises from sea's pocket*

Is that a Gnome Depot over there? And a WallabyMart?

I hope they don't meet up with any lint while they're in there. And if they eat the pizza, well...

*heading down the ramp past an Athletic Aardvark shop* I wish we all had horses for this part of the journey!

*Muttering to self* Stupid Gobolds.

*Lil turns and notices that the carpet, with Amos still comatose on board, is following her like an obedient dog*

*follows Lil noticing some Giraffiti high up on the walls*

*Affy looks at some grafitti*


"Lebling is dead!"
-Krill
"Krill is unimplemented!"
-Lebling

What's as big as a plover's egg and just one room away?

Q: How many Grues does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Hahahahahahahahaha.....

Tired of jumping on the spot fruitlessly? Implement a Frobozz Magic Trampoline!


I don't know how or why or where or when....but I get the feeling that I'm directly responsible for that entire column....

*Notices that the mall has an International House Of Mandrakes*

And why might you be responsible, Affy?

Whenever you boys are finished picking through my dirty laundry, you're more than welcome to come out here. And that wine is very valuable, you know. And RD, don't you even *think* about touching that horrid kitten skin rug. I could have sworn I gave it a proper burial, and I *don't* want to have to come in there to take it from you.

I wouldn't thought World of Leather was an entirely appropriate store for this area

~disembodied voice~

Hic !

tak me hoooomme, fae tae h'waeee, scooobie do hooooooo

~disembodied voice~

Hic!

Hey ol' buddy. She shaid she'll come in here after ush. She'd have ta take off her pantsh before she could climb inshide one of itsh pocketsh. Heh heh heh. Maybe we should tempt her, eh?

~gurgling sound, followed by dull thump sound~

Well, thash another empty one.

~sound of cork popping~

Red Dog, theresh shomething very important I need to tell you.

~dishembodied voish~

Yesh ole buddy, jush let me get up off dish floor ..... I was hanging onto it so i didn't fall off hic !

*puts arm round GL's schoulder*

Wash the matter ?

~Shound of two bodiesh falling heavily~

Shay, thish ish a nysh carport, er, cerpart, er corpid, er rug.

Now, lishen ver carefully. Thish is really really really really portant.

Red Dog, I gotta go pee pee.

~dishembodied voish~

I shore a ten gallon hat around here shomewhere Gariush. Theresh alwaysh that. Hic.

~dishembodied voish~

Too shmall, I think.