h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Affy is still staring at the remains of the Orchid that was creeping towards Titania. A thought suddenly crosses his mind and he looks up into the tree to see a few more similar Orchids up above*

Oooookay,....we should probably find something other than a data tree to make camp under....

*struggling slightly but saving the greater part of er strength for later Ivana allows herself to be hauled to her feet*

~scornfully~

So you learnt something from one slip of my tongue you worm. That's all you'll ever get from me so make the most of it while you can pondlife. Your days are numbered - I'll be drinking out of your empty skull before the next full moon.

*Ivana is led away - she has no weapons only a leather travellers pouch with the initials I.A.N embossed on it which has a small amount of food in it*

[Tex Hywind] .... Sounds like a brief scuffle ... [pulls out handgun] I wonder who won ...

*calm again but still very concerned about the orchids he attempts to rouse Amos once more to no avail*

I don't think we're going to be able to help Amos here and I think we ought to get him onto the raft out of harms way.

*attempts to pick the old timer up*

Jeez he's heavy ! Can someone get his feet ?

*Takes Ivana's pouch.*

Big talk for a female human. Let's see what's in here. *rummages in the pouch* Hmmm. A tofu and beansprout sandwich, a dozen or so carrot sticks, some celery stalks, two apples and a doughnut. A doughnut? What would you want with a doughnut? Full of sugar and trans-fatty acids and who knows what other additives. And everything else was so healthy. You definately don't need this!

*Takes doughnut intending to throw it away. Picks it up and suddenly reconsiders.*

Well, I suppose it does provide a quick hit of energy....

*shakes head*

What am I talking about...it's pure crap.

*Hastily flings the doughnut away, where it lodges in the branches of a tree. Feels an odd sense of relief.*

Now, we are going to walk through the jungle to my camp, you leading the way. In case you are thinking of pulling anything, let me just tell you that this is a throwing knive and I have won accuracy contests throwing it. I'll be right behind you, so my chances of missing you are very slim.

That said, we might as well be civil about all of this. You're my prisoner, but I need to call you something, so you might as well tell me your name. I already know your initials are I.A.N.

And you can call me Gord.

*picks up Amos's feet and immediately several orchids jump onto her arms*

NO!

*without thought Lil pulls them off, and throws them into the river, then sinks to a sitting position*

I feel as if I just ran a mile, all of a sudden. Give me a minute to rest, will you?

*thinks*

What if we bring the raft down here? Maybe we could put him on the carpet and tow him behind -- oh, you don't know about the carpet, do you. It flies. Maybe you noticed something tethered to the raft...

*rubs her eyes wearily*

Look, I'll stay here with Amos and keep watch if you'll go back and have GDZ bring the raft down here, what do you think?

*puts Amos back down on the ground*

Well, if we can't get him to the raft the raft will have to come to him, pure and simple.

I'll go and tell GDZ.

*starts to get up and leave*

Do you think he'll listen to me though ?

Argh, I've lost track of where everyone is ... Could someone remind me?

On the raft

*Still feeling watched*

At the camp site which is inland a bit from the river and the raft. I'm here with Lil and Amos. I think Caer and GL are here as well. Gord is off in the jungle somewhere.

The camp and the raft are at the beach on the river. Zomnker is on the raft, GL is sleeping below it on the beach (at the camp). Caer is on watch at one end of the beach. Amos, Lil and Red Dog are at the other end of the beach where Amos was on watch. d'E and Zeppo are at the camp with GL.

Affy, Witty and Titania are back at the rift.

Gord and Ivana are off in the jungle somewhere.


*Turns over and continues snoring*

[Tex walks over to where Lil and Red Dog are trying to deal with Amos]

[Tex Hywind] I thought I saw some orchids jumpin' on you ... What's up?

I did not see any need to fraternise with you but you are clearly skilled in the martial arts otherwise you could not have captured me .... ergo it is no disgrace to have been captured by you and it is merely the fortunes of war that has placed me in this temporary situation.

Maybe therefore it will be alright to converse with you for a brief spell but I would like my things back though and you are unkind to have disgarded so many objects of value .... even the thing you are so contemptuous about has value. I will not reveal my true name but you may call me IAN in lieu - if you return my possessions back to me Gord.

*still with Amos*

I don't know Tex - some damn flower. I never seen anything like it. Will you watch over Amos whilst I go get GDZ ?

*goes down to the river and hails GDZ*

Hey. Can you bring the raft down to where Amos is and help us get him aboard. We'll need the flying carpet dusted down, put on the ground level setting and lashed to the raft so we don't lose him when we levitate the carpet.

*Carefully inspects IAN's pouch before giving it back.*

Here, you can have your pouch back, IAN.

*clips pouch back on IAN's belt where he found it*

I'm sorry for throwing away your doughnut, but once I picked it up I felt that if I didn't get rid of it right away then...then...well, I'm not sure what would happen then, but I knew I needed to get rid of it.

And I must admit I am impressed by your bravery. Most humans would not attempt to counter a knife at their throat. However, many Gobolds do not value their lives as much as humans do, so knowing the counter-counter moves is a must if you want to survive a battle. Just so you know, there IS a counter move to the counter-counter move. And I know the counter move to that as well. But who's counting? Ha ha ha ha!

*As the two emerge from the jungle at the river camp, an orchid falls, unnoticed, onto Gord's shoulder.*

*in the fringes of the jungle*

Thank you Gord .... I'm not feeling exactly myself at the moment as there's an absence inside me like something is missing - like a craving unfulfilled, if you know what I mean.

I never though I'd hear myself saying this but .... you're err .... actually not a bad sort for a Gobold.

What is to happen to me at your camp ?

*Meanwhile, back at the Rift, Affy is studiously staring at his spell book, trying to memorize the Meef spell as many times as possible. Probably wouldn't be the most effective way to get rid of an Orchid infestation, but it'd be better than nothing if worst came to worst*

Well, IAN, back at the camp, I think the others might want to question you about why you were sneaking up on us and about other things going on around here. But you will be MY prisoner, and I won't stand for any rough stuff. Although, things will go much better for you if you are cooperative.

*still keeping her eyes peeled and listening out for any odd noises, pours herself another and has another custard cream*

Actually, d'E and Zeppo are a little bit downwind from camp, on account of Zeppo having eaten some curry.


You know, Zeppo, I feel like having some squirrel about now.

Hey! You must have picked up an orchid in the bushes. And look, I've got one too. And it looks like Amos is covered in them, we better get back over th...

That's funny, I never felt like having squirrel before.

<-- perks up his ears at the mention of "squirrel"