h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*the SOMETHING attack the COW and CAT with a TITANIUM ASSUALT KIPPER for using such weird capital letter REFRENCES*

*the COW uses the CAT as a the SHIELD*

I'm sorry, the cow has been reported under the Animals Act {lost} of 1638. If it is found to have been impersonating other animals, it may be arrested.

*hands over the CAT*
there's your cow...imperonating a "cat"

Maow?

He apearently is also claiming to be Mao Tsedong...THROW PING PONG BALLS AT HIM!
*starts using his own version of ping pong diplomacy*

If the ping pong balls were full of something besides air, it would probably hurt m- well, at all.

*fires the pingpong ball out of a PPPBPORFBPK (Plastic Ping Pong Balls Projected Out Really Fast By Pork Kannon)*
*Ping pong ball misses EC*
*building in the background crumbles to the ground all cool-actiony-like*

Oooooo. Dramatic.

*me picks up Supermoo and puts him on a telephone pole. A dramatic wind blows to and fro the trenchcoat he is wearing now for some reason*

More dramatic.

*in a cool way he says something cool*
Something cool

oh frabjous day, i have found my cow.

“Captain!” came a shout from behind, “You are completely out of line! No fraternizing with the prisoners! I hereby strip you of your rank! Throw them in the dungeons!”
Aimee gasped. “Who are you? How dare you speak to the Captain like that!”
“I am Lieutenant Blackbeard!” he answered gruffly.
Emily whispered to Camilla “I thought that Blackbeard was a Captain.”
Camilla shrugged again. “Not in out parallel world.”
“You must choose! Become pirates!” Blackbeard snarled.
They all gasped.
“Or …take a little stroll.”
“I like going for walks!” said Sam delightedly (he's none too bright)
“No! I mean, walk the PLANK!” he flung his sword arm out towards the water.
“Hey!” said Camilla, “If we become pirates, I have one up on you guys. I’ve already learnt to slide down the rope!”
She met frosty glares.

er...


...


*shoots the water*

*the water dodges*

*the COW is the SUPPRISED*

Surprised. Status Effect. Duration: 2-7 turns. Effect: Attacks suffer a -30% to accuracy and affected personage gains a +60% likeliness to buy stuff they saw on infomercials.

*EvilClaw uses item Tears of Apathy on Supermoo. Surprised is removed from Supermoo*

*Water attacks (Captain) Navigatorblack for 20 HP and causes status effect Hydrophobia*

*Navigator Blacks skill, Gremlins Outpost comes into effect*
*Navigator Blacks lifepoints refill and double*
silly move, you forget that water-based attacks make me stronger.
*cast mordenkai's magical watchdog and kills blackbeard*
nobody touches my cloak and lives.
*sends blackbeard to another universe THE ONLY ONE FROM WHICH THERE IS NO RETURN EVER. PEOPLE RANKED ON THE EVIL ARMY HEADQUARTERS PAGE CANT BE SENT TO IT EITHER. especially not me. oh no.

grrr...

*shoots water again*
*water gets scared and jumps into boat*

*five minutes later*

Thanks a lot Moo! A wave just capsized our only pirate boat! This will take minutes of reality bending to right! Painful, arduous minutes I could have spent staring at a wall!

*choking on water* You could build a new ship! *Tries not to drown*

...we could set it on fire...

... wt