h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oi! You! *draws a gun out of his jacket, give me back me gold, i robbed that fare and square, I mean, oi, just give it here!

But surely you can't turn down the

bugger it, i want the cheese,

*examines the cheese more carefully No, changed my mind, can i have the cheese instead?

*Eats cheese. Wipes fingers on vest*
Lovely golden colour that cheese had.

Have you eaten the gold?! Quick! Stomach Pump!


with >



My mom told me never to run with cheese

I think she said don't eat runny cheese

Runny cheese is wow, good runny ripe brie, or camenbert

oh...she said scissors...yeah thats it

Scissors for cheese? Sounds a bit tough. Sure you weren't told simply 'not to cut the cheese'? Might you have been in a place of worship at the time? With everyone looking round going 'who cut the cheese?'

I made some cheese from one of those jelly shaper things, in the shape of a pair of scissors

But i was with Arthur in a place of worship once, him drunkenly mumbling "He's took the knife out o the cheese! Do you think he wants some cheese?"


or was that in a film...?

Was the knife in a film or a cheese or something else. What happened to the gold?

Gold Cheese! Wow!

A glass of please


*lil attempts to smile, but it is rather feeble. She takes a chair in the corner*

*Scurries over to lil. Scratches vest to release odour of beautiful music, moonlight, romance and cat litter*
Oops, scratched two stains by mistake.
Hiya Lil. over here as soon as you like. Leave the bottle.

What the hell are you doing here?

*lil is horrified to see Vestboy in such prestigious surrounding*

Get Out...Go on..GO!!

*lil looks nervously around to see if anybody had noticed the two them together....she walks to the bar and takes a seat*

*taken aback by the rebuttal he places a photograph of a £50 note on the table and slinks out of the hotel. Leaving a trail, not unlike a snail, in his wake*

*lil felt ashamed of herself...she had thought she had put the past behind her...only to be confronted with just at the moment of her success with being reached*

*she looks down at the trail across the new luxury carpet, left by Vestboy*

*Crosses the bar and sits at the piano. To a pattering of applause, begins playing 'Memories'. After the first bar, s at lil*

lil looked up sharply as the melody began...the pianist s at her...did everybody know her secret? She could only stare back..

*The pianist reaches the end of the tune with a gentle flourish and a cheesy smile. He makes a little salute at lil*

Perhaps the lady would care to make a request?