h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

~Greebo stares from one paw to the other in what she hopes is an intelligent way~

Well don't look at me.

~Greebo looks tearfully at Menza..~ But if me sticks the wrong paw up... me will be a Pod Person... ~Greebo wails~... Me doesn't want to be a Pod Person...

*Looks at the others. No one is raising their hand, right or left.*

I guess Pod Persons are more intelligent than that... Got another test? How about ~dramatic pause~ BLOOD?

*DD emerges from one of the pods*

Ah, thanks for resucing me. I think the Pod People must have whisked me away from Greebo's party some time back. How are things back on earth?

Eeek.... a pod person... ~Greebo does a Menza~.... Kill it... kill it....

Greebo it's me! Don't shot!! I was abducted, but I'm back now.

~Greebo extends her titanium tipped false claws... and glares menacingly at Fester... er... sorry... thats the Adams Family me was thinking about... my mind does wonder so at times... ~grin~... now where was me... oh yes... glaring with menaces at DD... or is Pod Person DD~

How does me and indeed we... thats is all here... together... know that you are you and not a pod person with evil thoughts about rampaging through h2g2 and cruely and some would say needlessly... though others might point out that it was time for a change anyway... oh... no... me gone off the subject again... ~Greebo shakes her head~

Ok... ~Greebo jumps on DD's chest... and stares at him pretty pink noce to larger pink nose... or is it blue... hmmm.. me not sure now... tis prolly blue now me thinks about it... oh my does hurt... ~grim grin~...

LOOK... me is not well... so don't give me any of that, "Greebo it's me! Don't shoot!! I was abducted!!!" routine... me watches the x-files... good show gone bad... should have ended ages ago... oh well... will tv companies ever learn... ~Greebo stares DD in the eyes~ Just tell me who you are, what you want... and what is your purpose in life... and for GOD's sake... someone get me a doughnut... Can't you see me is having a crisis here... what has one oarange but incredibly cute cat to do????

No don't answer that... just get me that doughnut... ME NEEDS A DOUGHNUT!!!!

Right Fester... just who the HELL are you... and where are your black eyes??? and who gave you them anyway... was it Herman... me knows all about him and Felicity Kendall you know... nothings secret from me... me knows everything... cause me such a clever little cat... and don't you forget it...

~Greebo jumps on DD's head and bounces up and down hanging onto his ears~ Just tell me who you are and what you've done with Flipper... Don't lie.. me can tell when you are lying...

~Greebo slips down over DD's face and hangs there like and orange.. (not ginger) beard~... Are you going to tell me... or is me going to have to beat it out of you... me will you know... me a tuff cat when me gets riled... and me getting plenty riled now you know... see this paw... ~Greebo waves a paw in DD's face... and then hangs from his other ear like a huge feline earing... she starts swinging a litle...~

Me not scared of you... remember Rocky... well me was his stunt double... so me knows the meaning of pain... ~Greebo swings up... lets go of DD's ear an perches on his shoulder...~

So come on... how do we know who you are... you may look like DD, you may sound like DD... and by GOD you certainly smell like him... or at least a privy which hasn't been flushed for a century or two... don't worry... me has my gag refexes under control... but in fact... YOU may... or MAY NOT in fact be a Pod Person from the Planet Mars...

~Greebo jumps top the ground and paces up and down~ Me thinks its time for Inspector Morse... or Gadget... or Clousseu or maybe Miss Marple... or that woman from Murder She Wrote... yeah... bring on Jessica Fester... Hmmm... Fester... where did he come from... ~Greebo grins~

Has that doughnut arrived yet????

Here we go Greebs. One huge snob flavoured donut.

*DD picks up a rock and bowls in very acurately towards another rocd it stops within inches*

Is that proof enough?

Maybe if you bowled it towards a rock........


I vote I hit the bugger out of here!

*produces pool cue and strange thingy*

Ah. Bot the typo surely indicates that I'm the real me.

One last check

*pours and *

Here you go DD, the usual.

What on earth? I don't think this is the real Menza.

You know I can't stand lager. And this what do you think I am.

*PHGH*

Looks like the real DD to me.

Great I always knew barmen knew their clientele intimately. But not that intimately at the same time, before anyone passes comment.

No offence intended DD, but you are not my type.

No offence taken. I know. I'm the wrong gender for you for starters. Don't you think we can tell these things. Tsk.

Just checking.

Anyway, if I'm not the pod person and you're not the the pod person, who is the pod person.

Look I only have gaydar, I don't think that works on Pod people very well.