h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

She may look like Greebo...
She may sound like Greebo...
And my christ... she does smell like Greebo...

but in fact... she's............

Erm.... not Greebo?

What have you done with our Greebo? Bring her back at once!!!!!!!!!

*runs to pile of pies and throws a warning shot

~greebo strolls in~

Hello guys... er... why are you threatening that lettuce leaf???

Now I'm confused!

Justin, where the hell are you, you chicken?

That lettuce leaf there Balders... the one... that looks... like... ME?????

Greebs, come here. I'm not going to pie you, I just need to know who's who.

I did try to warn you, I did! I did! It's just that the words kind of choked up in the back of my throat, and then I had a massive coughing fit, and then I just couldn't remember what I was going to say - by the time I had remembered, it was too late as I was already well away from the nearest computer and I've only just managed to get back...

*gasps for breath*

*Grabs a can of weed-killer*

We'll have this sorted in a jiffy.

I'm sorry, this may be due to all the tequila i've consumed, or maybe I'm in an alcohol-fuelled nightmare, but WHAT!!!!!!!

What is going on???? Can someone please tell me why everyone is staring at a lettuce leaf?

Cos its shaped like Greebo, silly.

Not just shaped like - is acting like Greebo!

Oh great! Even you can't agree as to why you are staring at this damn lettuce leaf! What chance do I have?

How about if we dip the tail of both greebo's into the weed killer, that way we will find out which is which without hurting the real one.

Good idea!

*aims pies at both*

Over to the weed killer!

Er... me is not liking the thought of sticking my tail in weed killer...

~Greebo glares at the assembled crowd... and then stares in alarm as the lettuce leaf begins to grow~

*gets on hands and knees and hides in corner*

Please don't be an alien Kitty
Please don't be an alien Kitty
Please don't be an alien Kitty
Please don't be an alien Kitty
Please don't be an alien Kitty
Please don't be an alien Kitty

~Greebo begins to grin~... You know what... that lettuce leaf is jolly good looking... even if me does say so myself...

At times like this I wish I had a sofa to hide behind.

~Greebo shakes her head~.. Menza..za.zaaa ... what is me to do with you... what could possibly be scary about a lettuce leaf that is transforming itself into the image of the cat most researchers would like to be????