h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

~Greebo gently takes Goofs arm and leads him to a sun lounger~

Seeing as everyone's got a thing about killing snakes, I think I'll go up a step and put a shell through this moose's skull.

*bang*

There we go. Anyone got a big oven?

And I'll get the glass of water.

*Applies an ice pack to the sickly looking Goof's head*

I think you'll have dig a very large pit to double up an an oven for that poor beastie. Either that or make a giant roasting spit.

Realises that she's talking too loudly for Goof and moves off in search of a refreshing drink...

As most people know the best remedy for a hangover is never to get sober. It's always worked for me!
*gives Goof a generous measure of scotch then polishes the rest of the bottle herself*
There that should be better. Going back to oubs in Rickmansworth High Street (a favourite topic for anyone who's ever lived there), anyone remember the Western?

*ponders what to do with moose*

Sadly, it is now too many moons ago for my poor addled brain to remember the pub names in Rickmansworth. Besides, I wasn't exactly sober on the occasions I visited them!

Might I suggest that you do something with it soon, because a huge dead moose lying on the lawn does not quite set the right tone for a party!

* moose then disappears, probably to the same place which the pints of guiness and rosie came from. There is a slight whiff of improbability in the air, or is that just the snake which seems to have made its way on the barbecue?*

There you go prblem solved!

No no I want to eat it fool.

I can work this out...lay off for a sec though please

The feathers? Round by the church? Haven't been there for years, but at least you can get somewhere to sit.

*Thinks about it a bit*

They don't serve gold tequila there do they?

Thanks, Greebs, Menza, Gwennie, garglesnorf, I feel much better.

If anyone is going to go round shooting things could they warn me first so I can cover my ears. They're still ringing from that last shot.

*makes call on mobile to friendly Off-Licence*

There's a few cans of Red Bull, a bottle of Tequilla, and a half bottle of Vodka on the way. I ordered some spider/snake/moose repellant too.

Did anyone see what I did with the pasta salad? I'm getting a bit peckish.

Sorry mate. I didn't.

Hmmm...anyone got a tree that needs prunin'?

I think the pasta salad went the same way as the moose, I'm afraid. But don't worry, I'm sure something will turn up.

No no. Sorry. I'm keeping this moose. I wanna eat it. If you don't wanna see it, or eat it, fine. But it passes the time, figuring out what to do with it, while you lot babble. So don't start bullying me please.

There you go, Rosie…… Rickmansworth aint so bad after all, is it?

From what I can glean from the conversation, all you have to do is get drunk.
Funny that, isn't it, everywhere seems wonderful through a veil of imbiblicatory effects. especially when there's a Moose in the Hoose!

Have you worked out that Longtitude & Latitude yet?

Q has loosed a moose in the garden of the hoose!

Indeed

So, if anyone's got any trees they want pruned, I can make a bonfire for it. And cook it. And eat it. In a sandwhich perhaps. Marinade it? Who knows...

*Wakes up and hands Q a very large cookery book*

That should give you a few ideas.

*Goes back to sleep on her sunlounger*

*Rosie wakes up to find gwennie sitting on her, fast asleep*
I really should stop wearing this green and white stipy outfit!
No-one can see me when I sit on the sunloungers!!!
I think that you'll find there's an unnecessary wooden picket fence around the pond in the corner you could take that apart and cook the moose on that!
Fossil-entirely at a loss about the latitude.
Balders! any pies left? only I think Garglesnorf is looking far to clean still!
*something catches rosie's eye around the corner, rosie goes to investigate*