h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*On a tiny little space ship, an alarm has started to ring. Minos, the leader of The Krylma and the supervillain syndicate Sinister Thinkers Unleashing Multifarious Pernicious Evil Deeds, groans as he turns from his work. The alarm sound is soon joined by the irritating sound of a Stupid Little Robot attempting to imitate the alarm (and missing by about a fourth of a scale)*

KL-Stupid Little Robot! What is that alarm?

Stu-WOOOOOOoooooooooooo! WOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo! WOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!

KL-I'm doing some very serious work here, you Stupid Little Robot! If I can finish this within the hour, then we might possibly have just barely enough fuel to reach a more heavily travelled region of space where we'll have a better chance of finding some one who can help us!

Stu-WOOOOOOoooooooooooo! WOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo! WOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!

KL-Oh, for the love of....when I find those STUMPED members who failed to locate Afgncaap5! THEY caused me to be tossed to the most remote corner of the Galaxy that FACE could manage. THEY were the ones who failed to prevent me from returning home quickly. THEY caused-

Stu-WOOOOOOoooooooooooo! WOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo! WOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!

KL-....and it would all be bearable, if not for that STUPID LITTLE ROBOT! *Turns from his work to check the alarm*

KL-Hmmm, coordination alarm? What's that me-...where are we? We're....oh no....The Clinstar Expanse! OH, WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS??? Not even attempting to destroy the Galaxy would be worth this type of trouble.

Stu-WOOOOOOoooooooooooo! WOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo! WOOOOOOOOOOOooooooooo!

KL-Especially not with this type of travelling companion....

KL-Okay. STUPID! Where are you?

*Stupid Little Robot comes in from around the corner*

KL-Alright, since we know that we're in the Clinstar Expanse, I've figured out roughly how far we are from everywhere else in the Universe. I sent out a distress signal to my legions of troops on a planet called Earth, but I don't know if we're out of the woods yet. I need you to follow my orders very, very closely if we're to ever survive this.

Stu-We're out of woods! No woods for lightyears! Just look out the window!

*Stupid Little Robot points to the window, which reveals nothing more than an endless starry backdrop. Minos just sighs and shakes his head*

KL-Although, I wouldn't mind if I was the only survivor....Look, we're in what may be the most dangerous region of the galaxy. I've set a course to get us out of here, but it's a lot harder to get out than it is to get in. Lots of unusual spatial warping points to navigate around.

Stu-Warp? SLOWLY I TURNED! STEP BY STEP! INCH BY-

*Minos pulls out an aluminum bat and attempts to cudgel the stupid little robot. The stupid little robot trips on his own two feet and falls on the ground, not hurt in the least*

KL-I can't damage you, not directly. But I CAN prevent you from going through your vaudeville routines.

*As SLR picks himself up, the navigation computer begins beeping. Minos jumps over to it and checks what it says. He smiles immensely*

KL-AH! A Convoy Stop! Plenty of life forms, at least one of them is bound to be helpful. And I should have enough funding with me to purchase some fuel. At least,....hmmmm, they might not even use standard Galactic forms of currency in this region of space....maybe I can trade something....

*Minos thinks about it for a moment before his eyes slowly slide of to Stupid Little Robot, who is dusting himself off after the fall*

*Minos pulls his ship into the Convy Stop (Galactic Coordinates: F1721701?thread=379155 for future reference), and the two space travellers enter the bar*

*Kudos's flying saucer, dubbed the Centauri Renegade, drifts in from a far sector of space. Inside, things are turning odder by the moment.*

[Kudos] Well, here we are. But where's Krylma? The signal had to've come from somewhere around here... hm. Maybe I should see if Rai actually works...

*He goes over to a thin, tall figure sitting limply in a chair on the other side of the room. He takes a screwdriver and twists a switch on the back of his head to 'On'. The 'droid sits up and smiles, then looks around and frowns.*

[Kudos] Hey, Rai, can you--

[Rai Rinji] Ai! This place has HORRIBLE ch'i flows!

[Kudos] Huh?

[Rai] Get me onto a planet! Something big is going to happen...

*Rai grabs a Luo Pan out of the corner, gets a mysterious look on his face for a moment, then glares up at Kudos.*

[Rai] I need mirrors. Preferably at least one BaGua. And wind chimes. This place needs wind chimes.

*Kudos slaps himself in the forehead and goes back to the control panel. Rai fiddles with the Luo Pan a little and sighs.*

[Rai] Seems I can at least align this with your ship, to some degree. Krylma IS in this area, but I can't pinpoint him exactly. He's in a building. A building with a lot of motion.

*Kudos looks back at Rai, astonished. He glances around.*

[Kudos] Well, there seems to be some sort of convoy stop ahead. Would that fit?

[Rai] *studies the Luo Pan* ....yeeess. Probably he'll be somewhere like that, but I'm not sure exactly where. I might have a marginally easier time figuring this out there, too...

*And by now, Kudos has entered the treacherous Clinstar Expanse. Due to the teleportation rifts, it isn't very easy to get back out. Kudos may require a guide in this fairly uncharted region*

*Kudos might already have a guide, but his annoyance and doubt increase as Rai starts rearranging boxes and crates throughout the ship. Kudos blares music through headphones to try to ignore the goings-on behind him. He parks the saucer next to the array of vehicles at the Convoy Stop, and heads in, pulling Rai after him and ignoring the droid's protests.*

A heavily modified Correlian Corvette begins scanning this sector from just outside the Clinstar Expanse. Reading the preliminary reports he frowns and wonders weather or not this quest has already been fulfilled in his absence.

[Yo] Lt., Scan for Minos's Ship or any sign thereof, debris, ion trails anything.

*The Lt. nods and begins his scan*

*Lots of ion emissions heading to and from the Grand Repository Of Knowledge, but at the moment it's impossible to tell if any of them came from The Krylma Leader's ship. But something, possibly this very sentence, is telling the Lt. that this is the way to go*

[Lt] Sir, its impossible to tell but if I may recomend a course of action I would suggest we follow this lead.

[Yo]....take us in Lt, increase power to shields by 50% from the auxilary reactor. Proceed with caution.