h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Located barely a Parsec away from the Grand Repository of Knowledge, this convy stop offers a brief glimpse of some of the more colorful inhabitants of this region of the Clinstar Expanse. Here a person might find a guide, purchase fuel, get something to eat and drink, or find information. Gambling also occurs in a hidden backroom. Why it's hidden is unknown as gambling is permitted in this region of space, but some believe that it just contributes to the "seedy dive" ambiance that the owners work hard to maintain*

*Minos Krylma and Stupid Little Robot step inside after leaving their tiny ship in hanger F1721701?thread=375402 where they hope to have it refuelled. Minos goes up to the bar*

Minos-Do you accept Galactic credits?

Barkeep-Not often. Needs some pretty strong backing.

Minos-I have a STUMPED ID card. Do you know STUMPED out here?

Barkeep-*Considers* That'll do. Heard you guys almost got rid of the Galaxy a while back, so I'll believe your group exists.

*Minos orders a warm drink of some kind and looks around the bar*

Stupid Little Robot-Watcha doin'?

KL-Looking for a guide.

SLR-But I'm your guide!

KL-You sent us right into the Clinstar Expanse. Due to the teleportation rifts that ring this place, getting out is a lot more difficult. You could due it, but I've got this sneaky suspicion that you don't really care whether we leave or stay.

SLR-Eh?

KL-Quiet. Don't attract attention.

*KL keeps looking around at the local people, trying to decide who might be a decent guide*

*Sits in a dark corner with his faithful companion, Oreo.*

Burford: Check out the guy at the bar, Oreo. Looks like he may be in need of our services.

Oreo: That robot sure looks like it could use a good servicing.

*Calls to the bartender for another drink*

*KL finishes his drink and puts it onto the counter. He taps an incredibly bored Stupid Little Robot on the shoulder*

KL-We're being watch by those two in the corner....no, don't look! Okay, the bartender was willing to accept the STUMPED ID card, but plastic doesn't often work well with some people. His ship may have a card scanner, but it's also possible that we'll need to get some funding. If that's the case, I'll need you to work your magic in the games room.

SLR-Magic?

KL-Your luck, your ludicrous luck. Now, come with me, and we'll find out just what the situation at hand is.

*KL stands and approaches Burford's table, followed by Stupid Little Robot*

KL-I need an experienced guide who knows how to navigate through the teleportation rifts that block safe exit from this expanse. If you have the skill and inclination, I can see to it that you are paid well.

B: I might know someone who could help you. It would be costly, though. And dangerous. What sort of money are we talking here?

*Oreo looks at SLR with amusement.*

Oreo: Hey, little fella. Know the 1200000000000th digit of pi?

SLR-Pie? I LOVE PIE! WHERE?

*KL looks at SLR and turns back to Burford*

KL-Stupid robot....doesn't even have taste buds....as for the payment, that would depend. Fuel, of course, I would help to pay for when necessary, though it shouldn't be if we fill up here. Aside from that, I think that I would be willing to part with 5000 Galactic Credits, more if the job is satisfactory.

B: 5000 GC's eh? I'm not sure my friend would be willing to risk his ship and his neck for that.

Oreo: But Burf, that's way more...oof

B: Please excuse my companion here. He's a cookie and they have distorted views about dough.

KL-Well, I can understand that....I don't know that I could give your friend much more than that, as most bank accounts that I use don't make transactions to this part of the Galaxy. However, you seem like the adventuring sort so I think that I'll toss this into the bargain: I know the location of a Philosopher's Stone, and an Elixir of Life. Most of the time, these are owned by powerful guardians and mighty protectors, but this particular one is in the care of a small, easily thwarted robot who doesn't even have many battle functions. Easy pickings for a rugged adventurer. I have no need of such things, as I have found other methods for preserving my life indefinitely, but if your friend is interested, then all he would have to do is accept my previous offer. Once services are rendered, I would be more than willing to give the name and location of this robot.

*Eyes sparkle momentarily.*

I think that offer might interest my friend. His usual terms are half in advance and half on completion, but since the information about the robot will only be given on completion, I think he would want 75% of the cash up front.

*Oreo turns back to SLR*
Say, did you hear the one about the Klingon, Pizzar and the art thief?

Stupid Little Robot-No. What happened to them?

KL-*Handing 50 Galactic Credits to Stupid Little Robot* Before you hear how this one works out, go back to that casino. Bet this on the games with the highest odds, and keep doing that until you have 5000 Galactic Credits.

*Stupid Little Robot takes the money and runs to the back room*

KL-That's just the kind of incentive that he needs. With his ridiculous luck and his desire to hear the rest of the joke, he should be back in no time providing that he can find a game with high odds.

*As if on cue, Stupid Little Robot runs in with all 5000 credits. He hands them to Minos*

SLR-Big spinning wheel of fate at 10 to 1 odds. Just two games to get the money! Now, what's the one about the Klingon, Pizzar, and art thief?

*KL pulls out 3750 Galactic Credits and puts it on the table in front of Burford Solo*

KL-Your friend can have the 75% up front, and I'll be sure to save the remaining 1250 credits for the end of the job. How long until your friend is ready?

Burford: *Scoops up the money.* Well, I'll go speak to my friend now. I'm sure he can be ready at any time with an hour's notice.

Oreo: *Looking disappointed, speaks to SLR* Gee, I had hoped YOU had heard that one. I heard that first part on the interstellar radio last month, but just as the radio show host was about to tell the rest of it, we flew behind a black hole and lost the radio signal for 12 seconds. When the signal came back, the studio audience was roaring with laughter. Ever since then, I've been asking everyone if they'd heard it.

*Burford gets up and nudges Oreo, who also gets up.*

B: We'll be back in a few minutes.

*Burford and Oreo leave and walk around a corner, out of sight.*

B: Woo Hoooo! 5000 GC! And I have most of it here. So, now we need to decide: do we take off now, or do we give these guys a ride and collect the rest?

Oreo: I say we stiff them and leave. They'll never find us.

B: Hmmmmm. Normally, I'd agree. But what if they are telling the truth about that Philosopher's stone?

Oreo: Who wants to live forever anyway?

B: Well, I do. Besides, if it is genuine, we could sell bits of it for a fortune. It would be the last run we'd have to make. We could put an addition on the Millenium Teapot and live in luxury for the rest of our lives. Or, rather, forever!

Oreo: Could we install a big oven?

B: Sure. And we could buy a huge supply of sprinkles and icing for you too.

Oreo: Okay, I'm in.

B: Me too. Let's go back.

*The pair head back into the convoy stop and go over to KL and SLR.*

B: Okay, we...er...he'll do it. Give him 45 minutes to get his ship prepared, then meet him in hangar 43. Er, it was nice to meet you, but we have to go now. *Puts out hand to shake with KL*

*Minos Krylma grins and shakes hands*

KL-The last person I shook hands with died five minutes later. I can only hope you prove to be more lucky.

Yes, you had better hope so, if you ever want to leave here.

Well, it was nice doing business with you. When you see my friend in Hangar 43, just tell him Burford sent you.

*Chuckles as he and Oreo leave. Outside the door, they turn left and head to Hangar 43: F1721701?thread=380744 *

KL-Hmmmm....

SLR-What?

KL-If Burford's "friend" has a decent ship, we may not need our current one.

SLR-And?

KL-We may be able to sell it at some point. Won't fetch much money, but it's an option.

*Both head to Hangar 43 at this point*

*Kudos walks in, dragging the droid, who keeps babbling complaints.*

[Rai] But Kudos, we shouldn't be here, there's a bunch of shady characters, and Krylma isn't even--mffmmfmmfmm...

*Kudos muffles the droid and smiles evilly to the patrons*

[Kudos] Hello there. Have any of you happened to see a certain Krylma Leader around lately? Tall, mad-scientisty, sometimes somewhat lizardly, carries a card something like this--*whips out STUMPED card*--have you?

*The bartender takes the card and looks at it for a second before handing it back to Kudos*

Barkeep-Maybe I've seen 'im. I might remember a guy who looked like he had a little lizard DNAinfused in 'im. Wearing a dark cloak. What's it to you?

[Rai] MPH MMPH MPPPH! *chomp*

[Kudos] OWWW! *clutches his hand*

[Rai] *mutters* Baka.

[Kudos] What was that?

[Rai] Nothing!

[Kudos] Fine. Jerk. *turns to barkeep* Look, I've come all the way to the Clinstar Expanse to try to track this guy down. Could you at least give me *some* idea of where he went?

*Rai seems to be intrigued by whatever reading he's getting on his Luo Pan. He glances at Kudos and snickers, then wanders off toward the hangars, still working his feng shui.*

Barkeep - Maybe I could, maybe I couldn't. I don't really know why you want to find him, or what's in it for me if you do. Drink?

[Kudos] Eh, why not? Whatcha got?

*the sound of engines firing up can be heard from not too far away. While the bartender doesn't seem to notice, Kudos does.*

[Kudos] Hey, where'd the 'droid go?

*Kudos runs out and sees a strange ship taking off out of the hangar. Cursing, Kudos runs back to his own ship, yelling:*

[Kudos] DANG THAT FENG SHUI FREAK! Why didn't he TELL me?!?