h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Hangars 1 to 6 are reserved for the largest ships with the wealthiest owners and rent for enormous sums that most rocketeers can only dream of.

Hangars 6 to 24 are reserved for the moderately wealthy, something merely distantly out of reach for the average rocketeer.

Hangars 25 to 36 are for the average rocketeer and their ships.

Hangars 36 to 42 are charity hangars for those who can not afford a normal hangar, but who can be expected to spend a little cash in the convoy stop.

Hangars above 42 are derelict hangars, left over from the construction phase of the convoy stop and are inherently unsafe. They are closed and their use is prohibitted. This, of course, is where all the shady characters park, hence they are quite crowded.*

*Burford and Oreo enter the Hangar and walk up to the only ship in the hangar: the Millenium Teapot. Burford pulls out his key and presses a button on his keyfob. The horn on the ship starts beeping.*

Beep beep beep beep....

Burford: Arghhh! Pressed the wrong button.

Oreo: That's the third time this week.

*Burford stabs at the buttons on the keyfob. The beeping stops and the entrance ramp descends. They both enter the ship and head to the control room.*

Burford: Head over to the supply depot and get us a crate of Earl Grey. That should keep this thing running for a year!

*Hands Oreo some of the Galactic Credits.*

Burford: And get some milk and eggs while you're there. We've got another half-hour before our passengers arrive.

*Oreo exits. After he is gone, Burford sets about tidying up. First, he puts on a frilly apron and wanders around randomly dusting things with a feather duster. Then he throws all the dirty socks into the laudry chute, empties the ashtrays of their candy wrappers, throws out the unidentifiable green stuff in the fridge and smears the grime around on the windshield. Then he gets out the vaccuum cleaner and starts to vaccuum.*

*KL and SLR enter the Hangar and look around*

KL-Maybe we should offer to just tag along in our own ship....

SLR-Cool! A Teapot!

*Fails to hear the voices over the vaccuum cleaner.*

*KL approaches the Teapot and hesitantly knocks on the entrance hatch*

*Burford doesn't hear the knock over the vaccuum, but just then Oreo returns wheeling a crate and carrying a bag of groceries.*

Oreo: Oh, hi. Heh, heh, we were expecting you, but I bet you weren't expecting US, were you?

*Doesn't wait for an answer, just opens the door and steps in.*

Oreo: come on in.

*Burford freezes, vaccuum in hand, still wearing the frilly apron. *

*KL enters and freezes at the sight of Burford in a frilly apron*

KL-I assume your "friend" keeps things ship-shape, then....

*Hastily tears off the apron and stuffs it in the first thing that comes to hand - the oven. Switches off the vaccuum and pushes it out of sight. Gives Oreo a dirty look, then strikes a casual, yet manly pose, leaning on a counter.*

Just, er, doing my workout. You know, building muscles and stuff.

*flexes his biceps*

I find being in shape really helps when I go hunting and, er, get in fights and do other manly things.



Sorry for the "friend" subterfuge, but you can never be too careful these days. If you have bulky stuff, you can stow it in the hold. Otherwise, there is plenty of storage for personal effects in your room - you and your robot can take the honeymoon suite.

How soon did you want to leave?

KL-As soon as possible, though there will be the matter of the ship I rode in on. We could try to tow it which would be expensive, or I could find a buyer here. Shouldn't be too hard, this place seems to have a decent electronic message-boarding system in place.

Well, it's up to you. We CAN tow it, but as you said it would be expensive and a bit dangerous as it would cut down our speed and manouvreability.

There IS a used ship lot on the other side of the Convoy Stop. You won't get the best price for your ship there, but it's a convenient way to get rid of it. Just be sure not to take any of the owner's cigars if he offers them. He's a bit of a practical joker and exploding cigars are his favourite.

KL-Hmmm...perhaps....I might get a better price if I donate it to the Grand Repository of Knowledge, though. They have the money, and I've heard that they're always looking for more transportation vehicles....hmmm....

*scratches head*

If you "donate" it, then how do you get a "better price" for it?

KL-They're a very exclusive organization. They owe me enough by now that I might conceivably gain a membership.

Oh, I see. Well, as I said before, it's up to you. Just let me know what you decide and when you want to leave.

Do you need a hand transferring your stuff from your ship?

KL-No, not really. I was stranded on the opposite corner of the Galaxy from where I needed to be, so I've not really aquired many posessions.

SLR-NOPE!

KL-I suppose that I might be considered this robot's owner at this point, but that wasn't so much me aquiring something as it was me being inflicted with something. Anyway, we can leave right now. I can remotely control my other ship. We'll drop it off at the Grand Repository, leave a message explaining it, and then we'll be able to head out of this expanse.

Righty-o. To the Grand Repository it is, then.

Oreo, go fire up the no. 1 and 2 engines. I'll raise the exit ramp.

*Oreo disappears down a ladder, and Burford goes to the entry/exit port and pushes a button. The ramp telescopes up into the side of the ship and a door hisses shut, sealing the port. From below comes a bubbling sound, then something starts to whistle, slowly building in pitch.*

Oreo: Kettle-drives 1 and 2 ready, Burf.

Burford: How many times have I told you not to call me Burf? It sounds like the result of someone throwing up.

Oreo: Sorry, Burf.

Burford: Argh! Okay, everyone, strap in, we're about to lift off.

*Minos straps in, and pulls out his ever-present remote control. He enters the command that currently instructs his tiny ship to follow the signal of the remote. Stupid Little Robot does not strap in, and instead runs over to a window*

SLR-Look! We're in space!

Burford: Well, we're not quite in space yet, little robot. But the hangar door is now open and that window faces it, so you ARE looking out into space.

*Oreo comes and straps himself into the copilot's chair and starts flipping switches.*

Oreo: Pot temperature mid-range. Ultra-water at rolling boil. Teabag ready for submersion.

Burford: Submerge Teabag.

Oreo: Teabag submerged. Commencing steeping sequence. We are at full brew minus 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1. We are at full brew. You can take her out now.

Burford: Thanks, Oreo.

*Burford pushes a lever forward and the Millenium Teapot rises off of the floor of the hangar. The landing gear retracts as Burford pushes another lever and the ship slowly glides out of the hangar into space.*

SLR-Look! We're in Space!

KL-Can you believe I've put up with him for the past two weeks? Anyway, I suppose we can't be far from the Repository, correct? I mean, it's the only place in the Clinstar Expanse that is generally known to exist to outsiders. We didn't even know about the Convoy Stop, to tell the truth.

*The shuttlecraft follows*

*Rai wanders out to the hangar, and looks around. He seems disappointed.*

[Rai] Darn... too late. That blabby Kudos isn't going to catch up at this rate... and I really wanted to catch up, too... hmmmm.

*He looks around, eyeing each ship carefully. One of them particularly catches his eye. It's really not that attractive on the outside -- some really old kind of model, kinda chunky, kinda boxy -- but his instincts pull him to it. He tugs on the door and finds it open, and the inside looks like a cozy cabin. For some reason, the occupant isn't around.*

*Suspicious, Rai shuts the door behind him and goes to the control panel. A post-it note is there:

"If you're wise enough to pick this ship, you're wise enough to have it. Use it well, nameless master of feng-shui."

But it's not signed. Despite his suspicions, Rai powers it up and heads out.*