h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Affy/Green Jester jumps out of the wormhole, with ten buckets of acorns floating behind him. Clapping his hands, the acorns fall onto the ground and plant themselves*

Well, I'll go see what mischief I can cause elsewhere.

*Thinks, and decides to opt for technology this time. Reaches into pocket EG-7 and pulls out some pipes and a wrench. Tinkers for a while. Reaches into pocket CS-2 and pulls out a solar panel and an air pump. Connects everything together.*

That ought to do it - behold the solar-powered ballistic acorn distributor!

*Pours a large quantity of acorns into the funnel on the top. Aims SPBAD at the side of Mt. SandEverest. Activates the air pump. Acorns shoot out of the nozzle on the front of the contraption and impact in the sand.*

You see, it works like an automatic air rifle. The pump pressurizes an air tank, whose pressure is released all at once behind the acorn, which is propelled into the stratosphere.

*The genetically-enhanced acorns soon begin to push up leaves through the soil.*

Hey - we'd better hope those rabbits are still asleep, otherwise they might decide to eat these plants (to say nothing of _us_).

*Re-emerges from wormhole, being followed by a giant oak tree with acorns on its leaves*

Yes, I see how it works. Very nice, Davius. How about this?

*Motions to the tree. The tree plants itself in the sand, and throws all of its useable acorns to other sites. Soon, many little trees start growing*

You know, this isn't going fast enough. I'm going to see if Crater Labs, Inc. has any of that hyper fertilizer.

*rides in on Ferrari and drops saddlebags full of acorns by the gun*

I recommend we name this new forest Moxon Wood.

*Emerges from portal, rubbing head.*

Man, do I have a headache.

*Notices Davius' machine. Puts a large acorn in machine. The blast from the machine shatters the large acorn and sprays the pieces over the mountainside. The pieces sprout and begin growing trees.*

Wow. A thousand for the price of one. Maybe this headache was worth it.

Okay then, "Moxon Copse" it is.
So, now the mountain is stablised, we merely have to kill off the rabbits.... So, who's got the doughnuts which can turn whoever eats them into oak trees?

A copse is a small stand of trees. This is a bloody great wood already *pedantic and petulant*

Do those doughnuts have to made of acorn flour?

A copse is a small stand of trees. This is a bloody great wood already *pedantic and petulant*

Do those doughnuts have to made of acorn flour?

What, a Heisenburg Uncertainty Donut that changes people into oak trees? I love the thought! I'll need to develope those! Oh, BTW, I do have the hyper fertalizer. I know it doesn't look like we need any, but just watch.

*puts a cup of the fertalizer on a tree that just started sprouting. In a few moments, the tree looms over the countryside*

It's about time we had a 'great tree'.

*Pulls out warantee*

'The 'Great Tree' made with this product (developed by Crater Labs, Inc.) will bring tourists, house animals, provide shade, and the fallen twigs in the autumn will bring enough firewood for two winters.'

Sounds good to me!

I had a very difficult time this afternoon with h2g2, and I must have hit refresh while the cgi window was open. I did not mean to have a hissy fit, Bluebottle. But I like "Moxon Wood" cos it sounds like Knocks On Wood. And I'm willing for us to call it the Knocks On Wood if y'all would rather...

*Admires the massive oak* Do we have any pine cones? It would be nice to intersperse the growth with some sequoias. This is like a tree from Europe in the long-ago days. When there was virgin forest in Europe.

*appears through portal like a bowling ball, arms windmilling furiously to slow himself down, along with 30 acorns, thanks to Green Jester. Lands in a big heap. Dazed and confused B-17 attempts to stand up, but falls over again.*
weeeaaaauuuughhhhh. What...what ha..happened? This isn't the Majik Forrest. I don't think I am in Kansas anymore. Hold on I wasn't in Kansas in the first place. *looks up at the splendour that is Mt. SandEverest, with the newly sprouting trees adorning the slopes*

Help me, please! Someone? I don't appear to be able to stand at the moment.

*Ferrari sidles behind Babel-17 and offers support*

*hauls himself upright, using Ferrari's tack to steady himself*
Thanks Lil, Ferrari. I think, I...yes...*pats pockets and pulls out a nice apple for Ferrari, and hols it under the horses nose*
Here is a nice apple to show my appreciation.

Well, the Great Tree is certainly impressive. I'll have to come back for some firewood some time, after we dispose of the rabbits.

Speaking of the tree-ifying donuts, according to the Bond forum, Bluebottle and I have them. Let's see, we'll try pocket DT-2.
*Pulls out a rather large metal arm*
Oops. Must be DT-1.
*Shoves hand into pocket & pulls out some rather odd donuts*
Okay, let's see here... 1, 2, 3, 4... I have 21 donuts. We can break them in half if we need to.

*Ferrari munches apple appreciatively*

*slightly steadier on his feet now*
Er..how many killer rabbits are we talking about here, roughly-ish.
To the nearest 10 would be good.

Erm, if memory serves...

There were at least 3 waves left after Affy's magic attack. The Holy Hand Grenade took out about 25. For the sake of argument, let's estimate about 70 rabbits total, who are undoubtedly going to awaken quite soon now. It may be about time for some very large weapons.

I've got my shovel!!

Hmmmm. 21 doughnuts don't seem like enought for 70 rabbits. Especially since there were 70 a week or two ago - who knows how many there are now (after all, they _are_ rabbits ). But never fear, I have a backup plan.

*Changes to wolf form. Howls loudly. Waits. Waits some more. A rustling in the undergrowth is heard and another wolf appears. GL "talks" to the wolf in growls and barks and then the wolf leaves. GL changes back to human form.*

I have asked that wolf to bring her pack to the mountain and ... um ... deal with the rabbits. We can use the doughnuts to protect ourselves from any rabbits that escape.

Now, we should be thinking about reporting to Queen BluDragon - I think our quest has ended. Where is DD?

*dramatic chord*

*STRINGS START UP*