h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

ah so heres the beach..........a beautiful place youve got here
any handsome hunks in need of saving?????
-lifeguardsaffire

Or more to the point, any bikini babes in trouble and need mouth-to-mouth resuscitation?

Roasted Amoeba is here to help... or he will create his own victims, it's your choice really...

hahahha- you and me- we make a great team!!! ----but why is no one asking for our help..............?
-saffire

Because everyone's scared to go in the water since they found out about the sewage pipe.

*Peregrin dons his drysuit and runs into the water, then inexplicably starts to drown*
Saffire! Help me!
Hmm. Did that sound realistic enough?
AAAAaaarrghh!!! Safffffiiirrrree!!!! HEEELLLPP!!! *splutter, gasp, choke*

Looks like you've got your chance, saffire...

aww geez - im fourteen hours too late!!!!!!!!!!!!! *rushes into the water regardless and pulls poor peregrin out*
have a nice swim?
heheheh----if only youd screamed a little more realistically i might have gotten here sooner
-saffire
ps whats this about a sewage pipe???

EV is just jealous, I think... After all, it's not everybody who gets to be a lifeguard.

I'd like a more permanent spot on the beach, if possible. Could I live in a sand castle?

This is an odd feeling. I'm getting BACK from vacation, and now I'm on the beach.

*Everyone looks round as the toned, tanned, (other words beginning with 't' and ending in 'd', turgid? I don't know) form of the guy who you would swear could be Mr. Universe, struts onto the beach.*


*He is closely followed by TechnicolorYawn, who's shorts are a little large, and is sure he looks ridiculous.*

I hate people like that. They make us normal people look bad. However they do give us the chance to make a crap joke along the lines of 'making everyone think that the first description is going to be about me then it turning out not to be.'

Hi everyone, nice Apache.

There is a stunned silence as everyone admires the wonder of modern technology that is Helena's bikini... Hi guys hows tricks??

Blimey - how does that work?

Clever isn't it. manufactured in eaters europe of the best steel, same as my undies!

It's certainly an impressive piece of engineering... and the bikini's not bad either! (Oh, sorry, I think I'm in the wrong forum...)

Yes, but... how does it _work_???

calm yourselves now boys...............
-saffire

I'm calm I'm calm I'm perfectly calm I'm udderly under control.

*wakes up .... turns over .... realizes that the sun bouncing off of Helena's bikini is much more interesting than the sun bouncing off of the air raid shelter and thusly repositions towel*

Greetings all, sorry for snoozing so long.

*Quickly gets a Guiness*

Oh Saffire, I have a Gin and Tonic you can save me from if you would like

Look, isn't that David Hasselhoff?
*points towards David Hasselhoff, running along the beach, who is suddenly dazzled by the sun reflecting off Helena's bikini, and runs slap bang into a huge wooden pier support type thing*
Whoops-a-daisy.