h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*In the background, a dark, and sinister fleet of yellow bulldozers arive, and they dig up the sand by the water's edge, and build a tall, spirally thing with stairs. Yep - it's the water slide!!
The foreman approaches, and speaks; "The sewage pipe will be next. Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"*

Things are certainly looking up around here now.
Hot Dogs! Get 'em while they're cold!

I know - hot dogs, slide, beach babe - all we need now is the Punch & Judy man and a bouncy castle/trampoline thingy...

I think I'll let that one slide this time... He he.. heh heh heh... HEHEEHHEHEHEHEHHHEHEHHHHEEEEEHHH!!!! Ahem.

I'm the first on the slide!!!!!!!
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SPLASH!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Is that the bouncy castle?? Beached Whale?? No, its just Helena..

*more booing and jeering from the audience*
Ooh, self-depreciation - the crowd don't like it!

*a figure comes with a large-ish towel and plops down on the beach*

What a lovely day, almost as nice as Southern California

*Hails hot dog vendor*

1 Nitrate cicle please.

*looks around and repositions towel for better advantage of the reflected light from the air raid shelter*

I'm glad you could all make it to our humble beach....
Shame about the shleter - Roasted Amoeba obviously hasn't heard the parable of the man who built his air-raid shelter on the sand, and NOT in the ocean.

*Peregrin wanders on suspiciously, wearing dark glasses, ski mask, AK-47, army boots, and pink-and-yellow bermuda shorts*

Would you like a hotdog or ice-cream??

I see you've tried my hamburgers before!

Yes - they're, hmm, distinct. But we're very glad you've erected a stand here - in fact, when I finally manage to update the Waterworks page, I'll list you as the official hotdog seller. How's that?

*Peregrin runs for the hotdog stand, performs a triple somersault, fires his gun into the air, causing everybody to run away screaming, and aims at EV.*
GIVE ME A HOTDOG!!! NOW!!! WITH EXTRA TOMATO KETCHUP AND ONION!!! NO LETTUCE!!! Erm, how much is that?

Ooh, official hotdog seller - hang on, I'm not sure I want to be associated with these items, they do seem to have certain side effects on some of my customers. Hence the reason the public toilets are always occupied. Peregrin, that's €1.26 for the hotdog, and €30,000,000 for scaring off all my other customers. *raises hat apologetically to those readers who don't have the Euro symbol on their computer and have therefore missed an important part of the joke*

Don't worry - for those of you who see only [] won't miss much as a Euro is practically worthless...

*thinks that Peregrin is an undercover assassin sent to kill him*

NOOOOO!!!!!! PEREGRIN!!! Don't kill me... please? I didn't mean to murder all those carrots, it wasn't my fault, I was forced to, it was a government conspiracy, it was the FBI, it was MI6, it was... um... oh, just shoot me and get it over with...

*enters stage left, sits, digs toes into sand*

ahh, that's the stuff

whose sand castle is this my feet are resting in?

Hmm...€30,000,001.26...hang on a minute.
*Points gun at beach in general*
Anyone got some spare change? I've only got a €50M note.

hmm... I like the €...
€:&#8211 Homer Simpson smiley

I don't know, TVs Frinks... Whatever happens, though, no one let any dogs onto this beach. We want it kept clean.
Dogs can go in the sewer.