h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Just a note to say you're on the front page. And mine's an Earl Grey please!

IIEM, Earl Grey for The Editors, please.

*fshhhhhh*


Here you are -


*looks around*

All that dust... Do you mind if I let the cleaning bot out?

Nooo...

Wait a little!

*locks door so that innocent newcomers won't be caught by surprise*

*climbs up into the rafters*

Oh - hi Ook, long time no see!

Editor, I strongly suggest that you get somewhere out of reach too before Hati here opens the *shudders* broom closet!

*a low humming sound can be heard from inside the broom closet - someone or something must have activated the bot's sensors*

*Walks into cafe and immediately recognizes that humming sound. Heads up to rafters before getting *

Darn ... door's locked *knocks*

What's that humming noice? *looks in window*

Oh-cleaning bot. I'll come back later

Hi Witty! Uh - how did you get in? I thought I locked the do - oh, the tunnel from Lil's, right?

*hears a knock on the door*

Oh darn - I hope the bot will be done soon, wouldn't want to lose any customers, would we?

Hi, Ti! Of course I used the tunnel. It's way too cold outside and I didn't want to bother bundling up.

*Watches warily as the bot bursts out of the closet and does its frenetic work around the room. Tosses pocket lint in the path of the mechanical wonder.*

That just never gets old.

WRRRRRRRRRRR!

*abruptly changes target from Editor to pocket lint*

*extends industrial strength hoover extension*

ZZZZZZZZZZWHAP!

*extends two arms with feather dusters*

*starts working its way towards the Editor*

*sensors alert the bot that Titania is already present and decides to abandon the idea of trying to impersonate her*

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

*climbs up by the curtains*

Did you see that? It does impersonations now - I've never seen it do that before! Is that a CLI 'improvement' you think? Or... could it have taught itself how to do that?

*the bot's attention is diverted by the Deep Purple Sofa that is looking very dusty indeed*

mmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!

*the pianola looks pretty dusty too*

zzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

*having also polished the counter and IIEM (but only the outside, since no one has ever programmed this bot to change its filters) the bot swivels around looking for the next target*

*waits until the cleaning bot has its back turned at her, slides down from the rafters and heads for the tunnel*

*swivels around 360 degrees once more, admiring its own neat work*

*freezes*

*notices something that disturbs the picture of perfectness; a rather dusty looking Editor*

*heads for the Editor*

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWROOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!

RUN!!!!!

*the cleaning bot zooms in on the obviously unsuspecting h2g2 Editor sipping an Earl Grey *

*sensors do a second check since this human is labelled 'special case'*

*comes to the conclusion that the 'special case' classification does not override the bot's minimum requirement of cleanliness*

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZWWWWWWWWWOPP!

*the Editor disappears into the cleaning bot*

CHUCGGACHUGGACHUGGA

KACHING!

*the Editor tumbles out of an opening on the side of the cleaning bot looking very shiny *

*a smaller hatch opens, with a hand extending, placing the Editor's clothes neatly washed, dried and folded next to the Editor*

*satisfied with a job well done the cleaning bot returns to the broom closet*

*climbs down and gives Editor a wry look*

*decides to keep a low profile*

*carefully checks that the bot is now out of sight*

*unlocks the front door and leaves it wide open as a signal to all customers, new or old*

*gets busy trying to light a fire in the fireplace in front of the Deep Purple Sofa*