h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

For the past seven weeks, I've been using a reward system with litle , who is eight. He gets points daily for getting up in time, washing his face, cleaning his teeth, Getting dressed (including shoes and socks), keeping his bedroom tidy, keeping the living room tidy, washing his face (again), cleaning his teeth (again) and going to bed on time. Some activities (like teeth cleaning), get more points than others.

Progress has been variable. Getting him to clean his teeth was a major difficulty, however, using the points system has meant that he has actually started to do them on his own sometimes.

When he's amassed enough points, then he earns a reward. His first reward was a Star Wars Light Sabre, which took him 5 weeks. If he's done something outstanding, he gets bonus points.

I learned a really neat discipline model, which has five elements. Up to a year old, you can't really discipline, as they don't understand, so it's really wasted. There are two positive things and three punishments for misbehaviour.

Positive aspects
1) setting houserules. This is what we do in this household.
2) expressing instructions in positive language
Misbehaviour
3) mild, etg whingeing - ignore the behaviour
4) medium - time out. The child has to sit in a certain spot without moving for a set period, eg 3 minutes
5) withdrawal of a privilege, eg, 'if you do that once more, you won't go to the party tonight/have any pudding/get any pocket money this week.

I've found it very useful.

As far as I'm aware, up to a year old kids aren't 'naughty', so don't need disciplining.

Sadly, star charts and that sort of thing don't work with J (although he's the same age as your son) because I can't give him rewards as quick as he would need to earn them for him to be able to give enough concentration to the task. And it also only works if they pick their own rewards. He finds that impossible.

I did say you can't discipline children under a year.

Star charts didn't work with little until just recently. I think his agreement was a big factor. We agreed *between us* what the maximum points would be for each activity. Points vary from 2-5 for each thing. Washing his face is a 2. Cleaning his teeth is a 5. If I have to clean his teeth for him, he might get a 3. We discuss what's fair. He tries to talk it up and we agree on a figure.

The light sabre was a big deal for him.

I've noticed it's more effective in the morning than in the evening when he's tired. He's now working towards - would you believe it - a second light sabre.

When it was just me and him, it was almost impossible. Now that I have Merlin around at weekends, it makes it a lot easier. I'm not sure whether it's just having another person around, or whether is it the specifically male influence.

Yes, age is critical. Up to a certain age (is it about 3?) children don't understand the concept of lying. Also small children are unable to control their emotions, hence toddler tantrums. These need to be handled differently from an older child misbehaving.

I've used the idea of points win prizes, worked well with one son, but not the other.

Mine is still mostly wonderfully transparent, although he is good at saying he's cleaned his teeth, when he patently hasn't.

I tried a star reward system a couple of years ago and it didn't work. Obviously now was the right time for him. Or *maybe* it was just the right reward!