h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Linus, as long as you enjoyed it!

Look! I found a reference! It says :

'Although rare, Green-Eyed Yellow Idols can mostly be found within the kitchens of the dwelling places of their worshipers. Set into a niche usually near the heat source for cooking, the Idols represent the deities of hearth and home and family.'

Phreds! To the kitchen!!

Well who's a clever girl then

Not that i'm looking forward to seeing what Zed keeps in his kitchen...

*follows after Mari-rae*

*BB has been trapped in the fridge for two weeks, and hopes someone will find him and let him out*

*JTWL wonders what the banging sound coming from the fridge is. But having seen what else is in the dungeon, decides to keep clear of a banging fridge*

So what has the kitchen to do with "midnight howlings"? I've heard midnight grumblings before, but I found a visit to the pantry usually stops them. Hey, how about the howling of the wind down a flu pipe? And the only way to make the flu pipe howl is to put it at 0 degrees, ie midnight on the clock!

The only midnight howlings in my house come from my tummy when I'm looking for a snack! I'm actually hungry now.

*Opens fridge*

Bluebottle!! What are you doing in there???
*Reaches past him and brings out a plate of cold fried chicken. Takes a piece and passes the plate to the others. Brings out a pitcher of iced tea.

Suddenly there is a loud howling that comes from right above them. They jump back, startled, then see a cuckoo clock that has wolves instead of birds.*

Midnight howlings??! Has anyone spotted a niche with an idol yet?

Is there a side of beef in there as well?

*waits hopefully*

*tosses bluebottle some matches and lighter fuel*

This should warm you up!

*now if I could only figure out how to make those new smiley's*

Thanks Other BB - I think I'll get out now, I was getting cramp with a can of baked beans on my ear from the shelf above. Who would put beans in a fridge?

One of life's unsolved mysteries.

There's some sliced roast beef for sandwiches, Baron. *Hands him the package, along with all the condiments for sandwich making.* There's also a creme pie, but its squashed.

Sorry, I was using that as a pillow...

If I knew ekthactly where it wath, I wouldn't have needed for you all to go quethting to find it.

All we have in the library ith thith thcrap of parchment, with fragmentth of writing, 'Midnight Howling' and tho forth.

*leaveth parchment on tthe table*

I would thuggetht a more urgent quetht ith to find another creme pie. Mother wath looking forward to that, thhe will not be happy

Zed

*Bakes a chocolate creme pie, and a coconut creme pie, and a banana creme pie.*

Here Zed, these are for your Mom. Tell her we're sorry we squashed hers.

*Bakes brownies too, for the quest.*

Well thats a relief

We have been a bit remiss in our brownie consumption of late...

*Takes Brownie, and prays for forgiveness for not having Brownied lately*

Hey, let's have a look at that parchment. I'm somewhat of an expert on ancient writings.

*Takes parchment from side*

Hmmmmm.....
Hmmmmmmm....
Hmmmmmmmmm...

Just as I thought. It's a piece of paper with writing on it. However, I'm sure there's a hidden meaning. Here, BB, give me a match. I need a light source.

*Strikes a match*

Hey, LOOK. I can see a message. It says, er, hold on.

*moves match closer to parchment*

Oooops, er, has anyone got a fire extinguisher?

No, but there is a kitchen sink....?

*Hates fire extinguishers*

*Grabs soda syphon from bar and sprays it on the parchment, not to mention some of the people in the general vicinity*

Whoops, sorry about that...Er, can we still read the parchment?

*Dripping*

I can't see a thing. Bar towel, please!

You don't need a towel! Heat makes water etc evaporate, so all we have to do is hang you over a nice warm FIRE and let the heat dry you off.

*Steps up nose to nose with Bluebottle and drips on him.*

You want to try it, BB?

BB, do not ignite otther memberth of the congregation.

Fortranately, tthe parchment, like everything elthe, ith fireproof. Thtudy it more carefully.

Mother thankth you very much for the pieth, Mari-Rae.

Zed