h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Okay then.
*Clears throat*
I remember the days when the Forum & Firkin was just an off-shoot on Menza's homepage, and then we came over here for a Grand Opening... Oh I remember it like it was yesterday....

*sighs* I remember when all this was just fields.

*kitty remembers when this was a comfortable cave in the middle of a seemingly barren snow covered landscape*

Well I remember when I had to remember that once this was all nowt but fields

Uh Huh... and I bet you all had to walk 50 miles in bare feet just to get here and when you did you only had one seat to share between the nine of you and you couldn't even use that because it was only borrowed from someone else

Hmmmph. Luxury.

I used to live in this tiiiny old house, with greaaaaat big holes in the roof.

GC: House? You were lucky to have a HOUSE! We used to live in one room, all hundred and twenty-six of us, no furniture. Half the floor was missing; we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of FALLING!

TJ: You were lucky to have a ROOM! *We* used to have to live in a corridor!

MP: Ohhhh we used to DREAM of livin' in a corridor! Woulda' been a palace to us. We used to live in an old water tank on a rubbish tip. We got woken up every morning by having a load of rotting fish dumped all over us! House!? Hmph.

EI: Well when I say 'house' it was only a hole in the ground covered by a piece of tarpolin, but it was a house to US.

GC: We were evicted from *our* hole in the ground; we had to go and live in a lake!

TJ: You were lucky to have a LAKE! There were a hundred and sixty of us living in a small shoebox in the middle of the road.

MP: Cardboard box?

TJ: Aye.

MP: You were lucky. We lived for three months in a brown paper bag in a septic tank. We used to have to get up at six o'clock in the morning, clean the bag, eat a crust of stale bread, go to work down mill for fourteen hours a day week in-week out. When we got home, our Dad would thrash us to sleep with his belt!

GC: Luxury. We used to have to get out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work at the mill every day for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!

TJ: Well we had it tough. We used to have to get up out of the shoebox at twelve o'clock at night, and LICK the road clean with our tongues. We had half a handful of freezing cold gravel, worked twenty-four hours a day at the mill for fourpence every six years, and when we got home, our Dad would slice us in two with a bread knife.

EI: Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, (pause for laughter), drink a cup of sulphuric acid, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad and our mother would kill us, and dance about on our graves singing 'Hallelujah.'

MP: But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'.

ALL: Nope, nope..

Oh yeah well *I* am in Hell.

I don't remember this place not being here. I haven't been here that long.

Would it cause anarchy if I said I wanted Bluebottle to be president... I can't really be held accountable as I've only been here for two months so I don't really know what he'd be president of but anyone who can make me laugh that much (btw I was laughing with you not at you in case you have a complex ) has to be a useful president for something...unless it's a clown society in which case perhaps not because no one should inflict that much pain on others...errr, hmmm

Thanks Tinkerbell.
ALthough the last bit was an adaptation of Monty Python...
Oh, and we shouldn't strictly speaking be talking politics here. Buit I'm hoping to be Vice President to Peregrin, and we'll both appreciate the support. See
http://www.h2g2.com/A379253

No you see it's alright because I wasn't speaking politics as I have no idea whats going on...
*thinks on that basis I could be primeminister*
but I like Monty Python and if you like Monty Python then I reckon you should be president...actually I think Boris Johnson should be president but I think that's somewhat unlikely
Anyway despite the fact that it'll take me about an hour to change pages (if Peregrin gets to be president can he send an official letter of complaint to BT?) I'm off to that link now but if it's anything like the link which Ian sent me to yesterday I shall return shortly and mutter
*goes to find a book to read, clicks on the link, reads book, watches a feature length film, reads the paper, cooks her dinner, eats her dinner, returns...any minute now...come on little computer you can do it...*

*pours for whoever wants it*

Evening all, it is a little slow tonight.

If I get to be president, I promise to send an official letter of complaint to BT. Written on a letterbomb. With a thermo-nuclear warhead. And written in Russian, to *really* confuse them.

I like Monty Python very much too... I think there ought to be somewhere on h2g2 for Monty Python fans to meet and practice their silly walks. Trouble is, everyone on h2g2 would probably want to join.

Our campaign team is a team rather than a group of my supporters, if that makes any sense... although I am the figurehead, I believe in power for the people not politicians. Therefore Bluebottle will be as much the president as I will.

(Mind you, I ought to warn you that I seem to change my campaign strategy to suit anyone who I'm trying to gain support from)

So, what exactly are your greatest hits?

I hear he once hit a 6 at Lords that was quite good especially against the West Indies...

Btw Peregrin, your campaign tactics are a bit err...blatant to say the least, they work but you could be more subtle So where do you stand on the Michael Schumacher for world champion issue *thinks this should really test how much he needs voters, will he agree with me or will he have too much pride*

Well... to be honest I'm not much of a fan of modern Formula One racing. I love the racing itself, but recently the whole system has become way too corrupt and corporate for my liking. It's no longer about the excitement of the racing, it's solely about the money. There seems to be no room any more for the real fans... only those who can pay ridiculous amounts to get involved. Therefore I cannot comment on any Formula One issues.

(got out of that one nicely didn't I?)

My greatest hits... well... you'll have to vote for me so you can listen to the CD, won't you?

And it will also be available on DVD with extras - interviews, outtakes and a wonderful menu system of pictures of giraffes.

Hmmm...typical politician although I do congratulate you on managing to avoid the words "Michael Schumacher should be champion" because I did wonder whether you'd stoop to my level in order to get a vote

Not so sure about your answer though there are so many flaws in it that it's decidedly dodgy...although it'd work as a general campaign thingy as long as no-one else knows anything about F1 but then they wouldn't be asking you about it so once more the flaws would be spotted and you'd be stuck in an endless cycle of questions and no comments and then what kind of a political system is that... hmmm, you're good

Wouldn't have used the word 'modern' though as it makes you sound really old and that'd be a bad thing as being younger will get you more votes as shown by that Steven bloke at the elections when Portillo got booted out.

Anyway, you almost swung it with the giraffes but if you had a giraffe on a DVD it would end up as quite a poor approximation of a giraffe because you'd only fit one foot on and assuming that at least 4 people vote for you and take up the DVD option that would leave a footless giraffe rolling around Africa with only a sympathetic Zebra for company...which is probably not a good way to spend your life

This would be a special extra- large DVD! One that *really* explodes your room when you play it.

As for Formula 1 - I think Nigel should win. Okay, he isn't racing, but preventing him from winning just because of that is very unfair.

Well, it's a double-sided, double-layed DVD, which means we can fit the whole digital giraffe on it.