h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

~Don't ask her why she needs to be so free
She'll tell you it's the only way to be
Dying all the time
Loose yourself and you will loose your mind
Ain't life unkind

Goo-oodbye, Ruby Tuesday
Who could hang a name on you
When you change with every new day
Still, I'm gonna miss you~

She comes in colors everywhere
She combs her hair
She's like a rainbow
Coming, colors in the air
Oh, everywhere
She comes in colors

She comes in colors everywhere
She combs her hair
She's like a rainbow
Coming, colors in the air
Oh, everywhere
She comes in colors

Have you seen her dressed in blue?
See the sky in front of you
And her face is like a sail
Speck of white so fair and pale
Have you seen a lady fairer?

She comes in colors everywhere
She combs her hair
She's like a rainbow
Coming, colors in the air
Oh, everywhere
She comes in colors

Have you seen her all in gold?
Like a queen in days of old
She shoots her colors all around
Like a sunset going down
Have you seen a lady fairer?

She comes in colors everywhere
She combs her hair
She's like a rainbow
Coming, colors in the air
Oh, everywhere
She comes in colors

She's like a rainbow
Coming, colors in the air
Oh, everywhere
She comes in colors

*Going off on a gazillion different tangents*

D World destruction, Over and Overture, N Do I need, Apostrophe T need this torture?....And then you tell me that you've got to get back to the struggling masses, whoever they are, you talk talk talk about the suffering and pain - your mouth is bigger than your entire brain....How can you smile and forcast weather's getting better, and you'd soon forget her if you let the sunshine come through....There was a shopping mall, now it's all covered with flowers (you got it, you got it) if this is paradise, I wish I had a lawnmower....How ya doin', Bernie? Oy vey, oy vey!....They say your style of life's a drag, and that you must go other places. But just don't you feel too bad when you get fooled by smiling faces....Beat me up with your letters, your walk-out notes - funny how you still find me right here at home....Here is London, here is London. Is it the home of the free - or what?....Please would you stop the noise I'm trying to get some rest, from all the unborn chikken(sic) voices in my head?

Let's see who can figure all this out! Good luck.

Let's drink to the hard working people,
Let's drink to the lowly of birth.
Raise your glass to the good and the evil,
Let's drink to the salt of the earth.

Say a prayer for the common foot soldier,
Spare a thought for his back breaking work.
Say a prayer for his wife and his children,
Who burn the fires and who still till the earth.

And when I search a faceless crowd,
A swirling mass of gray and black and white.
They don’t look real to me,
In fact, they look so strange.

Raise your glass to the hard working people,
Let's drink to the uncounted heads.
Let's think of the wandering millions,
Who need leaders but get gamblers instead.

Spare a thought for the stay at home voter,
His empty eyes gaze at strange beauty shows.
And a parade of the gray suited grafters,
A choice of cancer or polio.

And when I search a faceless crowd,
A swirling mass of gray and black and white.
They don’t look real to me,
In fact, they look so strange.

Let's drink to the hard working people,
Let's think of the lowly of birth.
Spare a thought for the rag taggy people,
Let's drink to the salt of the earth.

Let's drink to the hard working people,
Let's drink to the salt of the earth.
Let's think of the two thousand million,
Let's think of the humble of birth.

Loooooooo-Laaaaaiiii
The fields of Athenray
Where once we watched the small free-birds fly
My love is on the winds
We had dreams and songs to sing
Life's so lonely
On the fields of Athenray

A cold plate of turkey
and an au gratin tray
some pie and cranberries
is all I've got today
the dog ate the gristle
but it just wasn't the same
for she misses you so
today of all days

you left me Thanksgiving
with the emptiest feelings
despite all the good things
I have on my tray
the hearth's cold without you
now that you've gone away
and I'll give thanks tomorrow
if you're sorry today

the things that I miss most
are your sarcastic grin
the curve of your belly
and your fondness for gin

I can't remember the next stanza

you left me Thanksgiving
with the emptiest feelings
despite all the good things
I have on my tray
the hearth's cold without you
now that you've gone away
and I'll give thanks tomorrow
if you're sorry today

Yes, but is Morrissey really bent on improving the world, do you think?

Not me. I only recognized one of those.

In honor of the holiday on thurs. and adam sandler.

"Love to eat turkey,
love to eat tuuuuurrrkeeey.

Love to eat turkey cuz it's good
Love to eat turkey like a good boy should.
Turkey lurkey do and turkey lurkey giggle
I wish turkey only cost a nickel."

I'm afraid the only other line I remember is rather obscene. Sorry.

........Turkey for you, and turkey for me. I like turkey with cranberry.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me a BEER

SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, etc.
Lovely Spam! Wonderful Spam! Spammity Spammity Spam! Wonderful Spam!

On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me two turtlenecks
And a BEER... Ummm I think we need something else there..it's too short, eh?

On the third day of christmas my landlord gaver to me- an eviction notice with considerable glee. No, dosent quite scan, does it?

I think it was "but the minute Jabba started off that race."

I think it was "but the minute Jabba started off that race."

Try my landlord gave unto me... it works that way...

On the fifth day of Christmas my accountant gave to me... five credit audits!!!!! Four evicion notices, 3 kicks upside the head, 2 morphine tablets, and a head-splitting migraine!!!!!!

"Unto" just adds a syllable to a line that's already too long.

The Saga Begins

A long long time ago
in a galaxy far away
Naboo was under an attack
And I thought me and Qui-Gon Jinn
Could talk the Federation into
Maybe cutting them a little slack
But their response, it didn't thrill us
They locked the doors and tried to kill us
We escaped from that gas
Then met Jar Jar and Boss Nass
We took a bongo from the scene
And we went to Theed to see the queen
We all wound up on Tatooine
That's where we found this boy...

Oh my my, this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Did you know this junkyard slave
Isn't even old enough to shave
But he can use the Force they say
Ahh, do you see him hitting on the queen
Though he's just nine and she's fourteen
Yeah, he's probably gonna marry her someday
Well, I know he built C-3PO
And I've heard how fast his pod can go
And we were broke, it's true
So we made a wager or two
He was a prepubescent flyin' ace
And the minute Jabba started off that race
Well, I know who would win first place
Oh yes, it was our boy

We started singin'... My my, this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

Now we finally got to Coruscant
The Jedi Council we knew would want
To see how good the boy could be
So we took him there and we told the tale
How his midi-chlorians were off the scale
And he might fulfill that prophecy
Oh, the Council was impressed, of course
Could he bring balance to the Force?
They interviewed the kid
Oh, training they forbid
Because Yoda sensed in him much fear
And Qui-Gon said, "Now listen here
Just stick it in your pointy ear
I still will teach this boy"

He was singin'... My my, this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

We caught a ride back to Naboo
'Cause Queen Amidala wanted to
I frankly would've liked to stay
We all fought in that epic war
And it wasn't long at all before
Little Hotshot flew his plane and saved the day
And in the end some Gungans died
Some ships blew up and some pilots fried
A lot of folks were croakin'
The battle droids were broken
And the Jedi I admire most
Met up with Darth Maul and now he's toast
Well, I'm still here and he's a ghost
I guess I'll train this boy

And I was singin'... My my, this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
"Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"
We were singin'... My my, this here Anakin guy
May be Vader someday later - now he's just a small fry
And he left his home and kissed his mommy goodbye
Sayin' "Soon I'm gonna be a Jedi"

They came down from Egothera in a burntout blue FJ
That farted and just s*&% itself in Jutland Parade
Right next door to Bondy's

When the smoke had cleared a voice said, "Hey this place looks alright!"
"We'll tell the government it's a 'Sacred Sight'"
"Dead f*&%$#' easy"