h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Entry: DAVID BLAINE - A1342306
Author: Deano - U211726

Well basically I searched h2g2 a while back for a review of David Blaine, and there was nothing. This seemed like quite a big gap to me, especially given the controversy his last stunt caused, so I took it upon myself to create a decent entry for people to contribute towards.

I personally think it is ready, but then I am biased and would like some alternative viewpoints.

I think the first thing with this entry would be to take out the first person references as 'I' statements are now allowed in Edited Entries and replace them with third person stuff. See the Writing-Guidelines.

My next thought was that I would like a bit more biographical information. Who is he, where was he born, how old is he, a bit more history, is there a website for him, etc.

It's a good start, though.

Deano???

ok kool thanks for the input... ive been a bit busy with coursework and things recently but i'll make some changes when i can, probably this weekend!

Deano

Do let us know when you've finished working on it.

This makes no mention of the fact that Blaine is a stage magician. One of his stunts was to hack his own ear off with a penknife, spouting blood everywhere. Yet the man still has both ears. Could it be the fact that the man is a professional illusionist that leads some people to believe this is an illusion?

You say "Being British, Blaine ...". This suggests that Blaine is British. You should reword it.

Deano, are you planning on doing any more work on this?

yeah i am, i've just been really busy recently - last month i was in India, and when i came back i had 3 weeks of GCSE mocks - they finished yesterday...

as soon as i get some time after doing all my coursework and other stuff, i'll do it!!! sorry for the delay.

ok i've made a few changes - i've put in some web links and put the whole thing in the past tense... but given that its entitiled 'David Blaine's Stunts', i cannot see the point in giving a detailed run-down on his life history...

obviously that is subject to change... any suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Minor suggestions:

"You have to remember that these are the people who think Harry Potter is a documentary"
This quote was attributed to a nameless reporter, which may or may not be acceptable.

(Either way, I found it funny because I don't know too many Americans above the age of 10 who even find Harry Potter to be an interesting fictional character. I know that I have never read or seen anything in which this character appears.)

The sentence:
In this way, they want nothing more that to see Blaine succeed,...
should be ..., they want nothing more than to see ...

Deano,

If you want this entry to go into the Edited Guide, the entry will need to have a better structure than it has now and the first person references will have to come out.

The entry doesn't seem to be about David Blaine the man, more about the one stunt, so the title should perhaps reflect this. It needs putting into context, so a bit more about the man would be helpful.

Have a look at some entries about people, A1325242, A2116496, A1025092 - all of which appeared on the <./>FrontPage</.> during the last month.

You'll notice that they all have headings, which help the reader.

You might want to answer the questions who, what, where, how, why and finish with a conclusion, or to wonder what he will do next.

Deano still seems to be around...

Anything happening with this one?

Thanks, your inputs are greatly appreciated. At some point I will get around to updating and finishing this, but at present I have my GCSEs in the near future, and have to revise. I'm sure you'll understand!

Thanks again,

Deano

Yep - I understand what it's like to have lots of work. If you want you can take the entry out of Peer Review while you're busy, and put it back in Peer Review when you have time to make changes.

How's this going?

Hello?

Looks like nobody's at home. Actually, I think Deano is still at home, just not posting to this thread.

That certainly does appear to be the case....

hi everybody sorry to have kept everyone in the dark for so long - i've had my GCSEs followed by continuous nights of partys etc, followed by 3 weeks in the USA, followed by A/S results (=> partys) followed by 1 week in France followed by GCSE results (=> more partys!)...

anyway, back to school tomorrow, so i've updated this somewhat to your recommendations. thanks a lot,

Deano

Deano,

I can see that you've done work on this. Well done! Now here's what you could do to make it worthy of being picked and put on the <./>FrontPage</.>.

Entries need to be in the third person, so you need to take out the 'I' statements and do some rewording.

Your entry needs some headers so that there is a structure for readers to follow.

I've noticed that you're using the tag round your paragraphs. It's better to use at the beginning of a paragraph and at the end. Otherwise someone else will have to do it.

Correct GuideML for links is as follows; Name of link.

Have a look at A264520, A395552, A187229 and the Writing-Guidelines.

Hope the results of your exams were good - if you were partying so hard, they probably were.