A Conversation for DAVID BLAINE - "ABOVE THE BELOW"

A1342306 - DAVID BLAINE

Post 21

DJR

cheers Zarquon, i've put in some subtitles and changed the s to s etc... any other suggestions?

and yeah, i got 7 A*s and 3 As!!!


A1342306 - DAVID BLAINE

Post 22

Dr Hell

smiley - whistle Author still around?

It's been more than a year now that you have written this Entry. Some passages sound dated. Most people probably don't even remember the Episode. People from other parts of the world might not have heard of this at all. I suggest a small introductory paragraph - two, three sentences explaining the basic basics. Introduce David Blaine, and what his stunt was going to be.

Apart from that the Entry is not bad...

smiley - winkeye HELL


A1342306 - DAVID BLAINE

Post 23

DJR

yeah i have been thinking about that... I have made some changes along the lines of your suggestion. Thanks for your input.

Deano


A1342306 - DAVID BLAINE

Post 24

Dr Hell

Thanks for the intro! This is starting to look really good.

The next steps:

1. The section "LONDON CALLING" introduces the stunt and the reaction of the mayor before the reader even knows what the stunt is. You explain this in the next section "First Stunt Outside USA". Maybe it would be better to restructure (invert?) these two sections so that the reader can follow.

2. GuideML technicalities and format (when PR comments start adressing these matters, it's a good sign smiley - winkeye ): Titles in EG Entries should not be in 'ALL CAPITALS'. Then I would suggest you to scrap the first header, and make the other ones HEADERS instead of SUBHEADERS. - The last two or three links could be placed between LINK tags. Those changes would save the sub-editor some work.

smiley - winkeyesmiley - winkeye

HELL


A1342306 - DAVID BLAINE

Post 25

DJR

thanks for the feedback Hell. I'm off to India tonight so I will make some changes when I get back in January. Much appreciate the input.

Deano


A1342306 - DAVID BLAINE

Post 26

Dr Hell

See you in January then smiley - winkeye

HELL


A1342306 - DAVID BLAINE

Post 27

DJR

hi i'm back! i see what you mean about the London Calling/first stunt outside USA paragraphs, so i've fiddled them around a bit. I think i've done what you said regarding GuideML, though i'm not entirely sure (its a bit too complicated for my small mind!)

any further suggestions would be much appreciated.


A1342306 - DAVID BLAINE

Post 28

Dr Hell

smiley - ok


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 29

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Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 30

Dr Hell

smiley - bubbly Congratulations!

HELL


Congratulations - Your Entry has been Picked for the Edited Guide!

Post 31

DJR

cheers! thanks for all your help!


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