h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's simpler to throw said s out the window until you have a soft pile to land on

Doesn't matter about the tongues - the ears are sensual enough.

Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit.

Does anyone know the tensile strength and breaking strain of ribbet ears?

Wait a moment, I've just been studying for my statics exam, so I have all the books here on my desk

From practial experience the breaking strength of Ribbit ears is about ten pounds. The fun available is worth at least a ton.

Hmm. So I would need 16.8 ribbits per link in my chain - no, hold on, ribbits have 2 ears, so it's only 8.4 RBL, (Ribbets Per Link).

Assuming each ribbit's ear is 4 inches long and that we staple them together with a 1 inch overlap and that there is a two inch gap on the head of the ribbit between the ears, we would achieve a length of 9 inches per link.

If a three storey window is 30 feet from the ground and we are working on the proviso that the top link is stapled to the window ledge, we would therefore need 40 links to reach the ground. At 8.4 RBL, that means we would need 336 ribbits.

However, the chain would not actually need to reach the ground - it would only need be long enough to reach far enough down the wall that the average person could touch the ground whilst holding on to the last ribbit in the chain. Assuming a six foot person can reach to a height of 8 foot with arms extended, we only need to have the RC (Ribbet Chain) reach 22 feet. Therefore we would need 29.333 recurring links, or 246.4 ribbits.

Now we need to calculate how long it would take to breed said ribbits from two smuggled in.

Let's see: Rabbits have a litter of about 8, and they take 6 months to mature enough for breeding, while gestation is 31 days and the weaning time another 4 weeks.

Assuming that half the kits are male, it would be as follows:

Month 1: 2 original rabbits

Month 2: 2 + 8 kits (10)

Month 3: 2 + 8 kits (10)

Month 4: 2 + 8 kits + 8 kits (18)

Month 5: 2 + 8 kits + 8 kits (18)

Month 6: 2 + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits (26)

Month 7: 2 + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits + 4*8 kits (58)

Month 8: 2 + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits + 4*8 kits (66)

Month 9: 2 + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits + 4*8 kits + 4*8 kits + 4*8 kits (128)

Month 10: 2 + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits + 4*8 kits + 4*8 kits + 4*8 kits (136)

Month 11: 2 + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits + 4*8 kits + 4*8 kits + 4*8 kits + 4*8 kits + 4*8 kits + 4*8 kits (232)

Month 12: 2 + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits + 8 kits + 4*8 kits + 4*8 kits + 4*8 kits + 4*8 kits + 4*8 kits + 4*8 kits (240)

So we'd need to wait around for a year, hoping our ribbit farm would go undetected

Now, how many carrots would you need to pinch from the prison garden?
How much droppings would these ribbits produce by weight and volume?

I really, really wish it wasn't my flatmate's bidet in a few hours so I could read that without being an antisocial wallaby.

Say luvvie.

And would the fact that they're being inbred cause longer ears as a mutation?

Worked in my family, if that helps.


NODDY

I just made an amazing discovery!

If you leave a ribbit (in this case, a one left over from Easter) in the sun, it grows a lot longer! We could use this to facilitate our escape...

*ignores goings on above*

A nice cool draught up your shirt/ skirt.

A cool drink after shopping...

A cup of tea when it's really hot whether

I liek that too - tho' I'm odd and let it stew firsat