h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Finest critic of trash cinema has to be the joke character Joe Bob Briggs who was created as an alter ego for the art film critic of the Dallas Herald or some such. Joe Bob is a *totally* indiscriminate viewer of drive in style movies, and his first law of a good horror movie is 'Anyone can die at any time.'

Check him out, if you can find his books. He is hilarious.

Popeye is quite genuine, and a very odd film indeed. I quite enjoyed it, but mostly as a curiosity. It was directed by Robert Altman with songs by Harry Nilsson, so it wasn't some cheap knock-off. Robin Williams was already quite a big star.

http://www.imdb.com/Title?0081353

Well I never you live and you learn, cheers Jim.

In the final scene of "The Thin Red Line" you see the shell-shock in the "thousand yard stares" of the troops coming off the island.

Coming out of the cinema at the end, the audience looked worse.

I didn't think The Thin Red Line was all that bad myself.

In fact I thought it was better than Shaving Ryans Privates.... sorry Saving Private Ryan. (The other one is in my "Specialist" collection!)

Another really terrible Robin Williams movie is Toys. I don't remember much about it, except that it was absolutely terrible.
I think I've only walked out of a movie once, and that was when I went to see Road to Perdition, a Tom Hanks movie. It was too boring to force myself to sit through.
Some other terrible movies:
-Drowning Mona ->don't remember what this was about
-Dr.T & the Women ->Richard Gere as a gynecologist with very nasty scene where some woman gives birth
-Titanic ->so bored I was hoping the boat would hurry & sink so I could leave
-Hocus Pocus ->One of the many terrible disney movies
-The Talented Mr.Ripley ->too depressing & violent for me
-Angelas Ashes ->Maybe it would have been better if I'd read the book
-Mission Impossible 2 ->I stopped watching it cause of a very long scene where a lady seemed to be walking and not getting anywhere.

Titanic is truly awful - I was telling everyone at work how bad it was and one of my less btright colleagues asked me not to tell him what happens at the end as he's not seen it!

Armageddon - ludicrous science. How is exploding an atom bomb in a comet supposed to stop it? You just get the same amount of rock crashing down but now it's radiocative and spread over a larger area!

Kiss of the spider woamn - supposed to be good, impossible to stay awake while watching.

Independence day - What a steaming pile of! When the warplanes attack a mile wide space ship and they are all so confident it will work!! And then when they fly a spaceship - yeah because all of the controls are so obvious!!

King Kong the re-make. You wouldn't have believed it could be so bad but it was!!

But the worst film of all time - AI! How could a film be that bad!!

Titanic is truly awful - I was telling everyone at work how bad it was and one of my less btright colleagues asked me not to tell him what happens at the end as he's not seen it!

Armageddon - ludicrous science. How is exploding an atom bomb in a comet supposed to stop it? You just get the same amount of rock crashing down but now it's radiocative and spread over a larger area!

Kiss of the spider woamn - supposed to be good, impossible to stay awake while watching.

Independence day - What a steaming pile of! When the warplanes attack a mile wide space ship and they are all so confident it will work!! And then when they fly a spaceship - yeah because all of the controls are so obvious!!

King Kong the re-make. You wouldn't have believed it could be so bad but it was!!

But the worst film of all time - AI! How could a film be that bad!!

Confession time: I *love* Titanic, and I'm not at all sorry. Old fashioned spectacle with modern technology. Cameron knows how to do the slow burns - Aliens was on screen for 45 minutes before anything significant happened.

Armageddon - well, I can't argue with that. My favourite moment was at the end, when they'd just landed and got off the shuttle. Liv Tyler comes running towards Ben Affleck in slow motion. Then Will Patton's little boy comes running towards him, dressed in a stars and stripes T-shirt, in slow motion. I leaned over to Bernadette and whispered 'All we need now is for Steve Buscemi's stripper to come running towards him draped in a flag, in slow motion. Well, not quite, but ten seconds later, there she was hugging him.

King Kong, the remake. Well. When compared to the original, of course it's a crass piece of junk, but there's a lot to like about it. Jeff Bridges is always good value, and Charles Grodin's oil executive was perfect. "Feel the power. Feel the power of Kong. And Petrox."

And AI was disappointing, but by no means a bad film.

Ten years ago I saw a movie which was so awful that it still gives me the creeps - The Red Scorpion starring Dolph Lundgren. Then again, world is full of similiar action movies, but anyway, it somehow stuck in my mind.

also, as someone already said, The Road to Perdition - now theres a lame movie if there ever was a one.

The Blair Witch Project- watched at home once it came on cable. IT made me so sick I actually went for a 2 mile run (and worse, when I came back it was still going!)

The Serpent's Kiss or Le Baiser Du Serpent - The movie draggggggged. I just wanted them all to stop talking! Perhaps it's just the time I was seeing it (during a school project).

I agree with Jim about AI. If you take away the sickening sacharin sweet last half hour, it is a pretty good film. Good stylish visuals ect. However the end was sooo bad, sorry to skip back in the convo but allthough I didn't walk out I wish I had missed that bit!

Jim - I think the big difference between Alien and Titanic was that the former had a sly script, plenty of cod Shakespearian references, and enough suspense to keep a reasonably intelligent audience engaged until William Hurt exploded.

Titanic just relied on costume-drama cliches and huge panoramic shots. The only reason anyone kept watching it is because they knew the boat was going to go down.

Oh, and to see Kate Winslet's s as well.

B

Ditto on the Jason films - Jason X was by far the worst film I have ever seen - oh except for "O Brother Where Art Thou". This film appealed to me because it stared the talented George Clooney - but the film is dire - it is supposed to be a comedy - although its just not funny - it is really a film which has to be seen to be believed.

>>>Titanic just relied on costume-drama cliches and huge panoramic shots. The only reason anyone kept watching it is because they knew the boat was going to go down.

Ben, don't make me have to agree with you about something!

titanic, toys, one hour photo....


bad movies, yes

but merely childs play.


have you no clue, no idea whatsoever, of the horror of red zone cuba?
or the paralyzing idiocy of "Godzilla vs. Megalon"? these movies you mention are masterpieces when compared to the truly bad ones...

Yes, but Godzilla vs Megalon cost about about one zillionth the budget of Titanic.

Which is why I will *always* maintain that a film like T2 is so *offensively* bad - it cost the debt of a small third world country to make, and it's still cr*p.

At least Godzilla vs Megalon (not the worst of the series, by a long shot, btw) was cheap and cheerful. I mean Jet Jaguar is kind of funky if you don't think about for two long - and a better actor than Arnie...

i see what your saying - movies like titanic aren't just bad, they're evil.

i'd say i have to agree with that.



but, in terms of horrible movies, manos: hands of fate definately takes the cake.

try and argue with that.

I think I'm glad to say that I know not this movie. Is as bad as Cthulhu Mansion?

Nopw *that* really bites the big one...and it has Albert Finney in!

worse, most definately.

though that, yes, was bad.