h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Mystrunner strolls into the class, sits at his desk, and writes, waiting for the class to arrive...*

Arrives clutching a satchel, looking nervously around. Feels even more nervous as she realises that she is the first to arrive and that the Professor appears to be snoring rather loudly.

*Snores quite loudly.*

*Staring in fascination at the rise and fall of the curious dangly thing from the Professor's left nostril.*
'samazin'tha she mutters eying the black baord with increasing concern as it appears to be snoring in unison with the sleepy professor

*Mystrunner opens one eye, and looks at Kreech. Then, he stretches, and sits up.*

Good morning. Just waiting for the class to arrive.

*enters the room with her wand in her right hand and a feather and parchment in the other. She is followed by a large black cat (Mixxles)*
*takes a seat*

*Mixxles jumps up into the lap of Kleopatra*

[Mixxles] This should be real interesting. Defense against the Dark Arts is one of my favorite subjects

[Kleopatra] Shh! The Professor's about to start class.

*follows Kleopatra into the room and takes a seat next to her*

This should be fun, right?

Hi Lily! It should be real fun! I'm glad that I have a fellow Hufflepuff in the class!

*nose buried in "How to spot a Dark Magician- Theories and Running Away Practises", looks up and nods politely to the Hufflepuffs.*

Heya Kreetch, didn't see ya there!

Hi Kleopatra, say...are you trying out for the Hufflepuff team? I hear you are pretty good on a broom? Well, thats what Erik the Soothsayer says, you know, the painting of the old guy in blue robes on the thrid floor landing? Its next to the one of all those goats....

*Mystrunner clears his throat.*

All right class, welcome to Defence Against the Dark Arts. I am professor Mystrunner, as you may already know, and I am in charge of making certain you all are ready for whatever the world outside these walls may throw at you.

*Pauses.*

Kreech! Give me two ways to kill a vampire!

*Looking flustred*

A wooden stake, forcibly through the heart...er...decapitation...um...Buffy...and...er...sunlight and holy water...? Sir?

*Pauses to think, and slowly smiles, encouragingly.*

Very good. The ability to think quickly will be vital to you each.

Yes, a wooden stake through the heart is lethal to most vampires. Decapitation of the head with a headsman's axe is also a used method, though not as often, since the decrease in public executions.

Very good. Five points for Griffindor.

Now, there are nearly fifty ways of killing a vampire, some of which are very unusual. Who can name one of the more rare methods?

*Raising hand shakily*

Um...well the Blautsauger from Bosnia-Herzegovina can be slowed down by throwing a lot of hawthorn flowers on the ground to where its living...a bit like Mjertovjec from Belarus except thats poppy seeds, well, I mean, if you can slow them down then you could time it so's the sun would come up...does that count, Sir?

Again, yes. That is indeed correct.

Anyone else?

*raises hand*

Trick it into drinking dead blood, sir.

*points wand at throat so Kreetch only can hear* [I suppose I am pretty good on a broom, although I had no intention of trying out for the Quidditch team] *removes wand from throat*

walks into class, and hands a parchment labled as a pass to Prof. Mystrunner and quietly sits down in an unoccupied chair to Kleo's left.

*whispers to Kleopatra* Hey, look! Its your boyfriend!

*speaks to Kiro* Hi Kiro! How are you doing?