Through the Doughnut Hole

5 Conversations

Okay I got in trouble last week for monopolizing the editorial with my gripes by my good and dear chum Shazz, the Queen of Bosses1 as she likes to be called...

A Taste of Last Week

So what's this all about then? I hear you all ask, well at least all of you who are reading this. Well if you will cast your mind back to last week's editorial, I asked the rather important question of, where do all the pens go? And I rather thought you might be interested in some of the replies I got to this mind numbing question.

First came a reply from Xen in this conversation.

'Some people are natural receptacles for small items of frequently lost items (biros, disposable lighters, odd socks etc...) They pick these items up, inadvertently, whenever faced with an example. These 'random object magnets (ROMs)' usually specialise in one type of item. For example, one friend of mine - J, has a remarkable collection of disposable lighters, although she has never, to her memory, purchased one in her life. Another person of my acquaintance, A, had a drawer full of Bic biros, even though she only ever purchased Pilot pens...'

A very interesting theory you must agree, and one I would whole heartedly agree with, especially as I could be considered the ROM of Doughnuts. I can imagine the revised edition of the Hitch Hiker's Guide:-

  • Greebo T. Cat
    Legend in her own mind.
    A natural receptacle for small round dough type objects.
    Not as Harmless as first appears.

Reply number two came from Fritz in this conversation.

'The answer is simple, do what they do at my place of work. (A well known high-street retailer)It's called Pen Saturation this is how it works... Purchase pens every month in their hundreds and distribute freely about the building (introducing rules 'like there must be at least 3 pens on every till-point every morning' helps speed up the distribution process!)After a relatively short period of time the whole place is swimming in them! Extend this policy throughout the company and pretty soon every employee will be statistically no
more than six inches away from a pen at any time!

Yes indeed the answer is simple as long as you have a large petty cash tin on hand. Trouble is we at The Post have very little money in out petty cash tin, in fact it should be renamed the 'Outta Cash Tin'. Staff require doughnuts and doughnuts require money, so we just don't have the funds to spare on buying mountains of writing implements or so Shazz tells me. I just hope she doesn't run out of glue or it will be back to the stapler or deity forbid, the hammer and nail!!!

Interestingly in this conversation Deus Ex Machina made this comment, 'You could always get a length of string, tie one end to the pen, and the other around your wrist...' Which leads me nicely into the third and final reply... oh the tension builds.

As I was saying in the above paragraph, the third and final reply came from Albaus in this conversation.

'Years ago, as an office manager, it just about drove me demented that I couldn't find a pen when I needed it. So I got a pen and a long bit of string and taped the pen to one end of the string and the other end (altogether using about half a roll of sticky tape) to
the little metal pole thingy holding up my inbox. It worked perfectly for about two weeks, until one of the plumbers cut the string just to be a b**tard....'

A good idea, but I think Shazz would complain about using all that sticky tape, even though she says she is really not that mean. But if you read the above conversations you might find that she does admit to tumble drying the used teabags. I rest my case!!!

A Taste of Things to Come

It's always good solving those little problems that perplex us isn't it, makes you feel better and that all is right with the world. That is until you think up an entirely new question to perplex yourself with, and the idea of having to think up a question to perplex yourself with is perplexing in itself. So to save you the bother I shall come up with a new question for you to solve, or deliberate over, and maybe another article just like this one but with different words will spring forth from The Post and onto your computer screens.

So today's question is... roll of drums...

What is the best way to attract a shop assistants attention when they are ignoring you?

It's happened to us all hasn't it, you want to ask about something in a shop, and all the assistants are either busy or chatting amongst themselves, completely oblivious to your feeble attempts to attract their attention. So let me know in a conversation forum below, tell me what you think is the best way, and I'll share it will your fellow researchers the next time Shazz lets me write one of these things.

A Taste of Good Manners

Righty oh, that's enough of me going on. I'd just like to thank all of my guests this week,
and invite you all back to the green room, where you can enjoy some doughnut
crumbs2 and a
few empty bottles of milk.

This weeks edition is brought to by the letters H and G and the number

Share and Enjoy!!


10.04.03 Front Page

Back Issue Page

1Yes your majesty, no your majesty, doff cap, walk out the door backwards.2Look but don't touch is my advise for good health

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