h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Embarrassment reigns
Losses not gains
would result from my stumbling line
With an intellect in rapid decline
Originality wanes

Pshaw pshaw now, come come
That hesitant drum
Convinces me not in the least
I know you could whip up a feast
Of rimickledom

Rimickledom
Alights from my thumb
Through the keys to form words on the screen
More poignant, less often obscene,
I rhyme. Ho-hum.

"The train is delayed"
Any plans that you`ve made
are subject to much alteration
And you`re left standing there at the station
Equanimity frayed

"The train is delayed"
Any plans that you`ve made
are subject to much alteration
And you`re left standing there at the station
Equanimity frayed

...

We're liable to lurch
In post and in search
And though the results are embarrassing
They don't mean that you deserve harrassing
Or not very murch

How charming to see
The verses flow free
In the rimickle, now ressurected.
I confess I'd become quite dejected
By their scarcity.

A chromosome
Has made its home
At the end of a long peptide chain
It was made to influence the brain
In dreaming gnomes.

George doubleyer Bush
arrived in a rush
and was met by the Queen in her pad
Now that`s constitutionally bad
when shove comes to push

The Queen said "You see
It's not clear to me
Why our chaps are bashing Iraquis
They're not the imperial lackeys
They once used to be"

Gadzillocks ahoy!
Why did I employ
A u in Iraqis? I guess
It's pure force of habit, unliess
I meant Iriquois

It`s happened again
I can`t recall when
I last saw an i in unless
Nit-picking? OK I confess
A slip of the pen?

I'm checking my traps
And then checking the maps
To be sure where the lobsters should be.
There are so few left out in the sea,
They shall soon colapse.

Misspelling again
Well spotted my friend
A slip it is certainly due to
Except that for writing to hootoo
I don't use a pen

I often misspell
When not feeling well
But feeling all under the weather
So until I am feeling better
Misspellings shall dwell.

You won't mind my telling
Because of misspelling
I swear at the spell-check on Word,
(To curse a computer's absurd
I find myself yelling...)

But what really grates -
( Surely everyone hates )
Is all those defaults and devices
Which re-write your text, though it nice is.
We thank you, Bill Gates!!!

I am so very hurt
By the words that are kurt
And these feelings of pain
Shall forever remain
When I use Word.

First there was the Word
so let it be heard
Bill Gates is a benign dictator
a "do it my way" agitator
He should be interred

For Word changes the rules
introduces new tools
when I think I have sussed what I`m doing
So no longer am I now pursuing
his programme for mules....

I type a page
And now feel rage
You, Word, have reformated my document
And though it may seem a shock, you meant
to skip a stage.