h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Don't find me obtuse
But I'll not eat couscous
Though my mother continually makes it.
To me it tastes like sand-chicken-s**t;
And so I'mk non-plused.

The plot seems to thicken!
I don't eat sand-chicken-
Sh*t, nor do I ever intend to.
Eat couscous, though bland, here's an end to
All diets that sicken.

If there's a new diet,
My mother will try it
If just to lose those five pounds
That for twenty-two years she's had round
Her butt and fry it.

An extra five pounds
In truth hardly sounds
Like a reason for frying one's arse.
And dieting's hopeless - a farce.
Weight always rebounds.

I'm happy about
The fact that I flout
Conventional dieting fashion.
When cooking and eating's a passion
One tends to be

I will eat,
If it's neat,
And set on a plate on the table
Only then will I be able
To eat meat.

Terry Keane
Liked to be seen
On the arm of our former prime minister.
Though he was both shadey and sinister
She felt like a queen.

Paul Alexandrov,
After sex, was informed of
The involvement of his wife in a crime.
It seems she'll be doing hard time
If he can't get her off.

The Prince of Venosa
Gesualdo the poser
Wrote madrigals that make you cry
Then murdered his wife and her guy
And got lachrymoser

Immanuel Kant's
Occasional rants
On his soap-box made folks think him mental
For insisting he'd two transcendental
Legs on his pants.

The famous John Locke
Was easy to knock
And George Berkeley knocked out his stuffing
By pointing out that there is nothing
Solid in a rock

Thomas Hobbs
Said that "The jobs
Of the people are to serve the monarch,
So against him you shall make no remark,
And form no mobs!

The Upanishads
Were written by lads
Who spent lots of time meditating
And sorting out ( by cogitating )
The goods from the bads.




o

Alas, is this thread
Dying, or dead?
It's suffering severe diminution
From lack of much new contribution!
I'm going to bed.

I must now say
That on my way
To this forum, I noticed a trend
That many a convo dead end
But no one will say.

It's true Jean Sibelius
Wrote many failures
Yet they are hard to exhume
He used various noms de plume
What lawyers call alias

Johann S.Bach
Was faced with a stark
Choice - dance in church naked full frontal -
Or write sublime works, contrapuntal,
And thus make his mark.

It's no small matter
That he chose the latter
And only danced nude for his wife.
Thus housefulls of Bachlings took life
Amidst music and chatter.

Ferruccio Busoni
Is now famous only
For adding his "Ave Maria"
To Bach's Prelude for the Klavier
The rest is baloney

Busoni's verrucca
Got burnt on the cooka!
He couldn't unlace his right boot,
And he said, "You're not my left foot.
Aren't you the right hooka?"

Camille Saint-Saen
Would never complain
About the conditions on his hotel,
But rather, he write a boccanael
And send it to Spain.