h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[quote]Listen Farlander, I make these smartarse comments because they amuse me , not with the intention of offending you . If you do take umbridge (is there a d in that? Where's my dictionary) just let me know and I will commence to cease and desist.[/quote]

Actually, I find them hilarious - but it wouldn't do for me to admit that right out, would it? And the truth be told, yes, I *am* a, whatcha called it, "stuffy overachiever" (I don't know about the "spotty-bummed" bit though - you're making me sound like the cousin of a certain popular British dessert) with a sense of humour and bloated ego (what, you never knew that trombonists had oversized egos?)...

I'm not about to openly disclose my location here because I've agreed to a bet with a hootoo friend that if she could pinpoint my location (well, to within 900 km) I would send her a junk food package. But! if you really *really* want to know, you could always e-mail me and ask very nicely... who knows, I might actually tell you

No, not your location you big tromboner, your nationality (you said that you weren't British).

(I don't know about the "spotty-bummed" bit though - you're making me sound like the cousin of a certain popular British dessert) with a sense of humour and bloated ego (what, you never knew that trombonists had oversized egos?)...

Well, as it turns out Mr. Farlander has an acute sense of humour. And apparently no pimples or rashes in the genetalia region either. Just stay with me while I add that little nugget of information to the profile of you I am compiling. And done.

happy easter guys ... !!!!

Happy Easter to you Jimbo. May all your eggs be chocolate.

That didn't sound as cool as I wanted, so I'll have another go. May all your eggs be of the variety that don't drop out of chooks bums. Nup, still not cool...Oh, sh*t I'll get back to you Jim.

i get what you are saying !!! ... cheers matey ..!!!

You got holidays Jim, or does that truck never stop?

the truck dont stop m8 .... if im in it or away frm it ... theres always a load of fresh chickens to go somewhere !!!

i dont take much holiday early in the year .. i prefer to w8 till its hot ... like in september ....

Don't tell you go away for holidays and - yep, you guessed - bloody drive!

yeah ... we go on touring holidays .... but as im the only driver in the house ...!!!!!! ... guess who spends all his time holding the steering wheel ..!!

Oh no. Mrs. Jim better get her licence or we're only goin' as far as the next pub! What soet of trips have you done and where do you plan to go in the future?

we have been all over england scotland wales .. next trip im planning is to tesco .... sorry ... we are off to wales again soon .... planning to start on europe in next year or so ... are you a travelling man ???? ... ive seen most of the uk thru a windscreen ...!!!!

I've seen a fair slice of Australia through the visor of a crash helmet. It's such an enormous country that if I did some of the treks that I've done over in Europe, I would pass through about 25 countries I reckon. Tell you how big it is Jim, daylight savings time has just finished so we're back to 3 time zones. During daylight savingd there are 5. I hope that gives you some sort of picture. We also have every climate zone except polar, so we have jungles (tropical rainforests), deserts (too many bloody deserts) and temperate. Makes for excellent travelling, but you need to have time. A lot of people when their established and got shot of the kids, say in their 50's, buy a caravan or a motor-home and take 12 months off work to tour the place. Every one of them that I have spoken to has said they could easily have spent a further 12 months and still not seen everything that they wanted to. The wives, however, reckon yep trip of a lifetime, but they're gonna need a bloody long break before they spend another year cooking on that piddly little stove. Just no pleasin' some buggers.

Hey Jim, I'm planning to tour Europe next year as well - who knows, maybe our paths will cross.

Oh, and biomass: 'We also have every climate zone except polar' - er, what about Darwin Island? That's what it's called, innit, the island with the Emperor penguins?

By the way, would it help if I were to say that I'm a citizen of the country I'm living in? Born and bred there.

Not one bit, too cryptic for me Fars. I'm just not that bright God love me. Jim might have trouble spanning "your" climate zones in his car, champ. Completely possible here, though. Hey look, another thing we have in common - I'm also a citizen of the country that I live in! Our similarities never cease to amaze me Farlander. Oh yeah, if I want to see penguins it's an hour and a half drive. Yes, Fars - drive (OK I ride a bike, same deal). The nightly penguin parade ay Phillip Island, home of the Australian motorcycle Grand Prix. Cross a bridge of about 300 meters or so. Fairy penguins, cute little puppies when they waddle up the beach, but I haven't been for years and like every other animal on this planet (except us) apparently they're not as numerous as they once were, thus it's less spectacular. But that's only for senior citizens like me who can remember what it used to be like. Ahhh, those were the days, Fars. Those were the days......
P.S Not a trombone in sight.

hi guys ... yeah i would love to travel aussie turf too ...but thats gonna have to wait til the kids grow up ... ive always said england is big enuff 4 me ... but now im getting restless .... i met a young chap from sydney last year he was working his way around the world ... i taught him a few tricks about driving a big rig ... all makes life richer ... pleasant crowd the aussies ... im just not musical enuff yet !!!

So Farlander, if I told you I know where you're from, would I get a package too? You don't say much about it, but you've said enough that I've know for half a year.
Glad to hear the microbes are going well. We're doing a E. coli lab later this year, but I think it's the closest I'll get in class until college. ~ 40 days of bio left, then chem and physics are all I have space for until the end of high school. And maybe anatomy if I can cram it in, but after that I'll have exausted almost all of the science classes. Won't take environmental physics (don't like the teacher) and oceanography doesn't interest me enough to drop something else.
So the RL encounters with microbes will continue, but any school work will have to wait for uni.

No need to be musical Jim, most Aussies tonal talents are limited to drunken renditions of the football club theme song after a match. If you enjoy putting your arm around your mates to stop the lot of you from falling over, and singing horribly off key in your loudest possible voice, you've just fulfilled all the prerequsites for the position. Just have to enjoy it and you've got the job Jim. Welcome to the Brotherhood of musical misfits (featuring the recovering alcoholics 173 piece stone jug band). I hereby dub you Brother James - vandal of vocal arrangements. Please collect your jug and take your place.

Jen - no, you would not get a junk food package for posting my location here, as you already *know* (with reasonable certainty) - from all the clues I've dropped - where I am; however, this other friend has been making the wildest of guesses (which include Russia and Norway!!! Dale, if you're lurking here - no offence, mate), so I'm having a bit of fun right now.

(However, if you *really* want to, you could always e-mail me with the answer, and I might mail you stamps and stuff that would fit in an envelope )

Oh, and biomass, here's a bit of news you might find funny. I was reading the international section of the papers the other day, and to my utter surprise, saw a photo of two green polar bears. Yeah, green as in Popeye's-spinach green. Anyway, the caption mentioned 'Singapore zoo', and I was curious as to what those people were experimenting on, so I read further.... It would seem that, due to the heat and humidity of the tropics, algae were flourishing in the hair shafts of the polar bears, thus turning them green. The zoo staff had to resort to *bleaching* the bears' fur white, so that visiting kids wouldn't retort, 'Daddy you told me polar bears were white. You lied! They're *green*!'

Oh by the way, aren't Australians more of rugger chaps? I would have thought that getting sweaty and uproariously drunk in a pub and tonelessly belting out rugby club theme songs was infinitely worse than singing football ones. Or for that matter, aboveground nuke testing.