A Conversation for Dichotomous Lives of Abuse Survivors

Excellent Job

Post 1

Fragilis - h2g2 Cured My Tabular Obsession

I appreciate this article immensely. It's both sharply insightful and refreshingly brief.

Expert tomes have been written on this subject. But it's a struggle to get someone who hasn't been abused to read one. And that's a shame, isn't it, with so many survivors walking around unrecognized? A person knowledgeable about the faulty logic involved who can give reassurances about safety honestly does the world a small favor. This is especially true if they know a survivor who's in the process of retraining themselves away from black/white thinking.

Here, then, is the first practical guide I've read to help your average person understand and interact with abuse survivors. Well done. smiley - ok


Excellent Job

Post 2

Researcher U197087

Thank you very much indeed for saying that Fragilis. smiley - ok


Excellent Job

Post 3

Leopardskinfynn... sexy mama

I'd like to add my voice to that of Fragilis, and give a hearty 'well done'.

Abuse survivors need all the understanding they can get, and your article is a light bringing some practical advice into a very dark area.

Excellent.
smiley - rose


Excellent Job

Post 4

Barton

The title says it all and the comments are cogent as well.

It is so important to realize that the world is always 'seen' through each person's whole experience.

We must always try to understand both why we see the way we see and what may condition the way the other person percieves things differently.

It is not a matter of different reactions so much as a matter of different perceptions.

I am most found of your conclusion that the dichotomies are of safety and danger more than of right and wrong. This seems the most important observation that could be made and the most significant approach to understanding.

With understanding comes communication. Without it, all is a hopeless muddle of faulty or inapplicable assumptions.

Well written. Good work. Good thinking and most useful.

Barton


Excellent Job

Post 5

shellocke

I just wanted to say I thought this was an excellent entry and very interesting. It has certainly made me think!
Shellocke


Excellent Job

Post 6

Researcher U197087

smiley - smiley Thank you, very much - though I should clarify a considerable measure of the safety/danger perspective came from the contribution from Lentilla U144292smiley - cheers


Excellent Job

Post 7

abbi normal "Putting on the Ritz" with Dr Frankenstein

Excellant. smiley - giftYour article will be helpful to manysmiley - smiley

I would add; judging being safe is not at all simple for these persons.

Many abused people cannot acurately judge personal safety because of trust issues. They tend to trust the wrong people. They are hypervigilant or lax. They are not good at trusting themselves.They tend to think what they do best is NOT what are are good at. This makes judging your own safety tougher.

Therapy can be useful to help sort the trust issues. Generally involving the shoring up of boundaries in the process. Medication is not always the answer or medically possible. Doing both are best for some.

I was horrified when the US administration proudly announced early on, reinterated by Rumsfield:
"GW Bush is a black and white thinker"
smiley - disco


Excellent Job

Post 8

Lentilla (Keeper of Non-Sequiturs)

smiley - blush

Exactly... that's the whole problem in a nutshell. It's all because that first initial trust in others, whether it's parents, relatives, or just human beings in general, was destroyed. Abused people have to throw out their old standards, and develop a whole new set of rules for trusting others. For some abuse victims these rules are extremely strict. I think how extreme the rules are has a lot to do with the length and severity of the abuse. Therapy can help with defining new rules that aren't too odd, or too vigilant.

Therapy and medication are both stepping stones. They can help, but the real work is up to the individual.

smiley - popcorn

Dubya is definitely a black-and-white thinker. Look at the terms he throws out - Axis of Evil, Infinite Justice. America is good, therefore anybody against America is bad. I believe it's his Judeo-Christian upbringing.

There's a PBS special floating around about GW Bush and his cabinet - quite interesting, and worth watching. It talks about how he has been influenced by the pro-war policies of his advisors, and the decision-making process that led up to the invasion of Iraq. While the other news media have been glossing over the real facts, this documentary came out and said that the U.S. government decided to invade Iraq - not because it was a threat necessarily to the U.S., but because the American people were so shocked by the terrorist activity that they would accept a military action without much question.


Excellent Job

Post 9

abbi normal "Putting on the Ritz" with Dr Frankenstein

I smiley - love PBS! Now with Bill Moyers is wonderful on PBS.
They have made it no secret thankfullysmiley - biggrin
I support them, for years it has been the best hope for truth.
smiley - disco


Excellent Job

Post 10

Zarquon's Singing Fish!

Only just seen this. Good job! smiley - smiley

smiley - fishsmiley - musicalnote


Excellent Job

Post 11

a_boys_wig

Thank you so much for this article. It's so honest, so accurate, so well-written and exhaustive. I feel more validated in this worldview than I ever have before.
Thank you, thank you.


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