A Conversation for Dichotomous Lives of Abuse Survivors
Fragilis - h2g2 Cured My Tabular Obsession Started conversation Apr 25, 2003
I appreciate this article immensely. It's both sharply insightful and refreshingly brief.
Expert tomes have been written on this subject. But it's a struggle to get someone who hasn't been abused to read one. And that's a shame, isn't it, with so many survivors walking around unrecognized? A person knowledgeable about the faulty logic involved who can give reassurances about safety honestly does the world a small favor. This is especially true if they know a survivor who's in the process of retraining themselves away from black/white thinking.
Here, then, is the first practical guide I've read to help your average person understand and interact with abuse survivors. Well done.
Researcher U197087 Posted Apr 25, 2003
Leopardskinfynn... sexy mama Posted Apr 25, 2003
I'd like to add my voice to that of Fragilis, and give a hearty 'well done'.
Abuse survivors need all the understanding they can get, and your article is a light bringing some practical advice into a very dark area.
Barton Posted Apr 25, 2003
The title says it all and the comments are cogent as well.
It is so important to realize that the world is always 'seen' through each person's whole experience.
We must always try to understand both why we see the way we see and what may condition the way the other person percieves things differently.
It is not a matter of different reactions so much as a matter of different perceptions.
I am most found of your conclusion that the dichotomies are of safety and danger more than of right and wrong. This seems the most important observation that could be made and the most significant approach to understanding.
With understanding comes communication. Without it, all is a hopeless muddle of faulty or inapplicable assumptions.
Well written. Good work. Good thinking and most useful.
shellocke Posted Apr 25, 2003
I just wanted to say I thought this was an excellent entry and very interesting. It has certainly made me think!
Researcher U197087 Posted Apr 26, 2003
Thank you, very much - though I should clarify a considerable measure of the safety/danger perspective came from the contribution from Lentilla U144292
abbi normal "Putting on the Ritz" with Dr Frankenstein Posted Apr 27, 2003
Excellant. Your article will be helpful to many
I would add; judging being safe is not at all simple for these persons.
Many abused people cannot acurately judge personal safety because of trust issues. They tend to trust the wrong people. They are hypervigilant or lax. They are not good at trusting themselves.They tend to think what they do best is NOT what are are good at. This makes judging your own safety tougher.
Therapy can be useful to help sort the trust issues. Generally involving the shoring up of boundaries in the process. Medication is not always the answer or medically possible. Doing both are best for some.
I was horrified when the US administration proudly announced early on, reinterated by Rumsfield:
"GW Bush is a black and white thinker"
Lentilla (Keeper of Non-Sequiturs) Posted Apr 30, 2003
Exactly... that's the whole problem in a nutshell. It's all because that first initial trust in others, whether it's parents, relatives, or just human beings in general, was destroyed. Abused people have to throw out their old standards, and develop a whole new set of rules for trusting others. For some abuse victims these rules are extremely strict. I think how extreme the rules are has a lot to do with the length and severity of the abuse. Therapy can help with defining new rules that aren't too odd, or too vigilant.
Therapy and medication are both stepping stones. They can help, but the real work is up to the individual.
Dubya is definitely a black-and-white thinker. Look at the terms he throws out - Axis of Evil, Infinite Justice. America is good, therefore anybody against America is bad. I believe it's his Judeo-Christian upbringing.
There's a PBS special floating around about GW Bush and his cabinet - quite interesting, and worth watching. It talks about how he has been influenced by the pro-war policies of his advisors, and the decision-making process that led up to the invasion of Iraq. While the other news media have been glossing over the real facts, this documentary came out and said that the U.S. government decided to invade Iraq - not because it was a threat necessarily to the U.S., but because the American people were so shocked by the terrorist activity that they would accept a military action without much question.
abbi normal "Putting on the Ritz" with Dr Frankenstein Posted Apr 30, 2003
Zarquon's Singing Fish! Posted Apr 30, 2003
a_boys_wig Posted Sep 9, 2008
Thank you so much for this article. It's so honest, so accurate, so well-written and exhaustive. I feel more validated in this worldview than I ever have before.
Thank you, thank you.
Key: Complain about this post
- 1: Fragilis - h2g2 Cured My Tabular Obsession (Apr 25, 2003)
- 2: Researcher U197087 (Apr 25, 2003)
- 3: Leopardskinfynn... sexy mama (Apr 25, 2003)
- 4: Barton (Apr 25, 2003)
- 5: shellocke (Apr 25, 2003)
- 6: Researcher U197087 (Apr 26, 2003)
- 7: abbi normal "Putting on the Ritz" with Dr Frankenstein (Apr 27, 2003)
- 8: Lentilla (Keeper of Non-Sequiturs) (Apr 30, 2003)
- 9: abbi normal "Putting on the Ritz" with Dr Frankenstein (Apr 30, 2003)
- 10: Zarquon's Singing Fish! (Apr 30, 2003)
- 11: a_boys_wig (Sep 9, 2008)