h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

... cried my eyes out...

I suppose Hootoo is THE place for this kind of discussion. I have had at least one relationship that developed through e-mails and phone calls. This person and I only met four times in person, but I was probably closer to him than I was to anyone over the course of last year.

So yeah, it happens.

And it can change your life.

Indeed it does happen. Several people that I have met online have become dear and special friends 'in real life'. Two of them, particularly, have had a huge impact on my life, one of them in such profound ways I can't begin to explain. We may have met regardless of the internet, but, the internet made it easier for the connections to be made.

I have a collection of online friends that I "met" on the forum of a particular webpage. One of our gang started his own bulletin board and many of us started posting there. I'd "known" them for about a year(and seen pictures of previous get-togethers, knowing that everyone survived) when I finally attended a 3-D gathering with them.

It was, without a doubt, one of the best weekends of my life. I recognized almost everyone (having seen pictures of them already) and felt instantly connected. The people I had the most interaction with online were the ones I felt closest to IRL. It was amazing. So much so that we're planning on doing it again this year.

I'm willing to bet that this is not a typical story. I think key factors to keep in mind are the way we all found each other (through a humorous website, indicating that we have similar senses of humor) and that we interacted one-on-one online in addition to as a group. In general, if you're meeting one or two people and have no evidence that they've met other online friends before, do it in a public place.

This is a very good story, and one I'll happily steal for my next novel The Internet is a true blessing for the curious, the sociable, the adventurous, the lonely and the special...

That's why I have made Hootoo my home

It was just recently that I came a member of this cyber world, but I do know that it was just Chemistry when I first met my, now second wife. It was just love at first sight! No dont laugh? it was. We are now still happily married, after ten years, despite many problems. Im sure we would have met on line, had I bought a computer earlier. I think its a great lifeline for all ages, especially when you cant go out much. Long Live the NET!

I met my husband here on hootoo. He's often said that we may not have made the connection we did in real life, because he's not that good at small talk. This was an ideal way of him to "talk" to people, without the pressures and anxiety a face-to-face encounter usual bring him. We got to know each other gradually, and by the time we *did* meet face-to-face we were already in love, and knew each other well. Even though we didn't have the physical time together that most courting couples do, we spent more time actually communicating than most do!

Which is probably the best argument of all in favour of online relationships I have a friend who did the same as you and she's been living in ecstatic bliss for six years now.

Its fantastic when you make online friends and the relationships you develop are genuine, I hate to bring a downer on that but my story upset me more than I thought possible. I met a gay couple 'online', got to know them very well over a period of some months. They were fantastic, we had a lot in common and had the same sense of humour. I became 'close friends' with these two guys. Helped them through a few problems and vice versa. Im not a very trusting person anyway, but Id have to say they were among my friends on line that I did trust. Well I will call them 'Dave' and 'Paul'. It was over the christams period, I came on line to pick up messages and to say merry xmas to people, I had a message left for me from 'Dave', he told me that 'Paul' had been killed in a car crash. he acted like a guy who really had lost his 'soulmate', he was devestated. I was too, cried for days, if you have ever developed a 'close' relationship with a friend online you will know how hearing that kind of news can break your heart. I spent the next couple of weeks trying to comfort 'Dave', trying my best to be a friend to him during his so obvious pain. Well I wont say how I found out but I did, after a while something didnt feel quite right, I started to get a bit suspicuous, hated myself for even having any doubts but they were there nonetheless. So I looked into it, Not only didnt 'Paul' die, he never even exsisted. 'Dave' and 'Paul' were one and the same, yeah you might be thinking, how can you be so stupid, I would know if I was talking to the same person being two differant people. Im not the brightest spark in the box but Im certainly far from stupid, and not naive either. 'Dave' had spent considerable time and effort developing these two characters. They both had totally differant personalities, one being confident and out going, the other, shy and insecure. They expressed theirselves in totally differant ways etc. Yeah I was taken in hook line and sinker, there was always a niggling doubt in the back of my mind but I suppose I didnt want to believe it could all be a lie. In the end though I was convinced something was going on so had to find out. If people could only understand how 'close' I was to them, what good friends we had become, you may then understand why it was so painful for me. My point is be careful who you trust on line, the only genuine friendships that you know for sure are genuine are the ones that carry over into the 'real world'. The ones where you can really get to know them and about their lives on a more physical level. Im not for one minute saying NO ONE on line is genuine but just be careful because you never really know who your 'talking' to. I was deeply hurt, but it wont happen again. Good luck to you all.

What a spooky story, scared me just reading it.Do you think that experience has put you off? You should pick yourself up and forget it, put it down to one bad egg in the whole batchI have never found it easy to express emotions,so I really cant express an opinion on itand be. Catch you later, Smudge.

Hi Smudge, well I wouldnt say its put me off, lets just say Im a little more wary than I used to be. I wont let it ruin any potential friendships that I could make online, if I did I wouldnt talk to anyone would I? lol

There are a LOT of really nice, genuine people on line but also not so nice and genuine. You live and learn I suppose.

Its not something Im going to spend a lot of time thinking or worrying about, to be honest the person that played that little trick is obviously very sick and needs help. I hope they get that help.

I have moved on and learnt a good lesson to, be careful who you confide in and trust. Not a bad lesson to learn in todays society.

Take care Smudge......Vampress

Thats the spirit!keep on "Rockin"
Take care, all the best Smudger.

"Betrayal is betrayal wherever you may find it" - J. Winterson

The story is rather scary, if anything because this guy obviously has multiple personalities...

A lot of people will betray you. So far, real-life relationships have proved to be a lot more deceitful than online ones. If anything because distance has almost always helped me keep a healthy distance from my online friends.

It does happen.

Hi There, Sounds like you have past experience of betrayalIf nothing else it puts you on your guard the next time, this makes you suspicious of everyone.I had never allowed anyone to really know me until I met my second wife, she is more like a soul mate, than a wife, and thats I reckon its, as it does happen for everyoneIm afraid to say. Smudger.

Experience of betrayal? I could write a whole book on the subject... last year was the Year of Betrayal: I was betrayed by everyone who could conceivably betray me, and the deceit goes on and on and on.

I have chosen to sever contact with most of the people I found guilty of that particular sin, because in my book honesty is paramount, and so is loyalty. The only person who didn't betray me was the friend I met online, and although now we're not in touch, I'm not angry at him. It just went wrong, it's nobody's fault.

Hi again Greta, I was reading through this whole story, when it suddenly hit me, something that I had totally forgotten about, Betrayal! During my last few months in the RN while waiting disharge. I did not fit in, for reasons too many to mention for now. Any way I was taken into a special squad, (under cover drugs squad) My job was to tail any suspects the police put us on too. As they could not work on Naval property. Any way, to cut it short I had to get in close to this guy, Which I did over a few weeks, this meant lying to my wife etc! any way came the time to shop him. I by this time, knew him well, so felt guilty about it. I made contact with my boss,( Which was dodgy to do, and not advised!) My boss took me to a drug centre, and showed me all these young kids, hooked!, all less than 14yrs. old. This put it all right in my mind, so had no problem at all in the sting. Funny how that never entered my head all this time, till now. Smudger

Well, I suppose there are degrees of betrayal. You were never honest to this person at all, you were always in there to catch him out. So it was the logical conclusion. Plus, this guy is a killer. No matter how detached he is from the consequences of his actions, he still deals drugs. And drugs kill. (At least, heavy drugs do.)

I suupose thats true,had it been that I never really got to know him, it would have been easier to do. The guy was dealing heroin, this was way back in the seventies, before the modern day stuff! I never really thought about it at the time. The RN kept me for another three months to finish other jobs, before the let me buy myself out. The best thing about it was you could grow your hair longer! At the end of the day you will have to trust some one,at some time. It could be a work colleuge to cover your back, or some one you feel safe with. Either way, you will get over it in time, and probably not even notice it.
Must for now.Keep on rockinand stay.
Smudger.

I do trust some people, but... betrayal has scarred me.

OK, but scars do heal eventually, and some just fade away!
Smudger.

I agree with you Greta, Im not necessarily talkin about my 'online' expierience either, everyone is a vitim of betrayal in some way and yes its does scare you.

Sorry Smudge, time doesnt heal EVERYTHING, and the scars dont always fade. If that were the case then the world would be a happier place to be.

Im glad your ok now and that you feel that way, just remember some people's forms of 'betrayal' go very deep and can not be put right no matter how much time passes. Fact of life Im afraid.

But if it means anything, you did the right thing 'shopping' that guy, he had what was coming to him.

All the best Vampress