A Conversation for One-Liner Jokes

History Today

Post 1

The Apprentice

While obviously more than a One-Liner, the Yo Mamma principle can be taken to an extreme and still deliver true laugh potential. Newman and Baddiel (initially in the UK comedy 'The Mary Whitehouse Experience' and later in their own series) used the principle in their History Today sketches where two aging professors discussed historical events:

Prof: Welcome once again to History Today. I'm afraid that tonight the axe is hanging over our programme; we have been warned that unless we properly explore tonight's topic of discussion, the Industrial Revolution, my and Professor FJ Lewis's tenure on the television will be terminated forthwith, so, Professor Lewis, what do you feel were the primary problems faced by urban society during the period 1702-56?

Lewis: Well, the Industrial Revolution caused a shift to urban connubation by what had been largely agrarian populations and communities, and so forth. This led to very poor living conditions, and in his journal Samuel Pepys gives a particularly harrowing account of one man whom he describes thus: [opens a book] He had scurvy, and rickets, and was covered from head to foot in festering sores. All in all he was quite the most ghastly apparation of a man I had ever seen.

Prof: I see. And who exactly was this poor unfortunate?

Lewis: [turns a page in book] That's you, that is. That's the nicest thing he could find to say about you.

Lewis: See a piece of old crust with like blue mould all over it?

Prof: That's got a bit wet in the corner?

Lewis: Yes, yes, that's right. And very stale and hard.

Prof: Has it been on the floor?

Lewis: Yes, it has been on the floor, and it smells very bad because it's off.

Prof: Yes.

Lewis: That's your dinner, that is. That's what you have at Christmas. That's your special birthday meal.

Prof: You know that song, "dur, dur-dur, dur-dur-dur, dur-dur-dur-dur"... that's your favourite, that is. That's your favourite no 1 song of all time. Oh, you've had a haircut. HAIRCUT! HAIRCUT!

Lewis: See that Theo Kojak? That's you, that is.

Prof: [pointing] See that bit of flob?

Lewis: Yes.

Prof: That's you, that is.

Lewis: No, that's your swimming pool, in your garden - oh look, there's your mum! [mimes swimming]

Prof: Well, I think no-one can be in any doubt that we have had tonight a most rich and enlightening debate. Professor Lewis, thank you very much.

Lewis: Thank you.

TA
smiley - scientist


History Today

Post 2

Geggs

Ah, yes, Newman and Baddiel. I am aware of their work.smiley - winkeye


Geggs


History Today

Post 3

several, a/k/a random

who's on first, by abbott and costello here in america.


History Today

Post 4

Bagpuss

Did you look that up, Apprentice, or can you remember it?

My favourite History Today bit was along the lines of (though probably not exactly - actually I think the last two lines a right with the first probably way off):

"Cliff erosion poses a great threat to many of our archaeological sites, with some shorelines receding at up to four inches a year."

"I am aware of the topographical crisis."

"That's how fast you run, that is. That's you on sports day."

Followed by a mime of very unfit schoolboy flapping arms about.


History Today

Post 5

manolan


Some scripts here: http://www.compsoc.man.ac.uk/~katie/whitehouse.html


History Today

Post 6

Bagpuss

Top. smiley - ok


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