h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's Only Rock And Roll (but I like it, I like it... yes I do.)

Many people decide they're going to start a band and become famous. This is the wrong approach. Start a band because you like playing music. Get together with your friends and practice because you like playing together. Before too long, you'll know whether you're a 'band' or just a bunch of guys who need an excuse to drink beer together in a garage. And if you are just a bunch of guys, who cares? The key is to enjoy what you're doing. Once you've got that down, then you can start thinking about sharing your music with others.

Money for Nothing (and your chicks for free)

Playing music is not the way to make money, and if that's your objective, then you're in the wrong business. Become an accountant. If you're determined, make sure that you have at least a part-time job with flexible hours that doesn't demand you be there on the weekend (very hard to find, so keep that job when/if you get it.) Booking the gigs should be the job of the most responsible member of the band. He/she will have to keep track of how much money the band is to make, where the venue is, how big the stage is, whether there's a sound man provided, and what time to be on. And don't be shy to ask for money. After all, you're providing the entertainment. You can reinforce this by promoting drinking in the establishment - bar owners love this. In their minds, bands are beer salesmen. If you're good, and if your band stays together, after two-three years you'll probably want to start looking for an agent. Most bands make bread and butter money playing pubs during the week, and have a more profitable gig on the weekend at a larger venue. An agent will be able to book the higher-paying gigs, which means the band will have to work less.

Rock And Roll Fantasy

Well, most successful bands began with a large pool of musicians. Almost all musicians like picking parties, which is essentially a large gathering of musically inclined individuals with instruments and beer. Find a large flat spot, preferably indoors, pull up some chairs, and start trading songs. First, this gives inexperienced players the chance to play with other people. There's very little pressure (because of the freely-flowing alcohol) so it's a very relaxing atmosphere. Second, there's a free flow of ideas as well as alcohol at these parties. People with new songs (or old ones) can play them for the group, and if the chord progression isn't too difficult, others in the group can add rhythm patterns to it, solo passages, and harmonize with the lead vocal. You get a good idea of who's a solid rhythm player, who's clever at soloing, who has a nice clear lead voice, etc. So if you decide you want to form a band, you'll already have some names in mind.

Gimme Shelter

Where do you practice? There's a reason they call them garage bands. It's the most cost-effective place to have a practice session. Very few musicians will have a large room that they're not using for something else, and the other members of their family might object to having loud music in the house. The garage will require a little preparation, though. Because sound bounces off flat smooth surfaces, cover the concrete floor with the grungiest carpet available. It will have beer spilled on it, equipment dragged across it, and other unmentionable things done to it, so don't waste your time finding nice carpet. Find more ugly carpet and tack it to the walls. This will help muffle the sound around the garage area - usually the walls are very thin. And speaking of thin walls, make sure that the temperature stays pretty comfortable year-round. A garage in mid-summer in Texas weather is intolerable, and in winter a little chilly. Finally, see that you have at least two or three outlets and the proper fuses installed in the garage. Sound equipment, including amps, speakers, microphones, and the guitars themselves, need a lot of electricity to operate, and can blow out a low-grade fuse.

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

Practice. As much as possible. Any band can become better with practice. Reaching your full potential as a group can only be realized if you get out there and play together, so do it! Two times a week is best, about three-four hours at a time.

I Write The Songs

There should be at least one songwriter in the group. Two is better (more is always better) but songwriters are usually better at writing than performing. The best way to avoid enmity is to give credit where credit is due.

Won't Get Fooled Again

It's very important that the members of the band be able to get along. There's no reason to put up with a pompous ass just because he/she's an excellent guitar player. Conversely, some sacrifices have to be made to keep the sound that's been achieved. The bands that stay together the longest don't work on the 'front man' system, but by committee. Committees make decisions together, and compromise on some issues. A front man makes the decisions for the group, but often has his own best interests in mind, not the band's.

All You Need Is Love

It's hard to predict how your band will interact together. Some will be type A personalities - very particular about how things are done. Some will be diplomats, and specialize in calming others rather than speaking up for themselves. Every band needs at least one glad-hander - an excellent promoter who's good at cold-calling a venue and getting a booking. There will be the inevitable prima donna, and this crown will be passed around. And there will be at least one 'fixer' - somebody who's good with a soldering iron at ten minutes before showtime. Everybody adds their own unique talents to the mix. Sometimes they will clash. When they do, keep in mind - why are we doing this? To have fun!

I have a little story that probably can't be published in your article...
There's a band in the D/FW area that has developed a system of punishment for the member of the band that has screwed up the most that week. There's a t-shirt that resides in the bass drum most of the time. It has never been washed, and it's too small. On the front, it has the letters 'PFA' and on the back, it says 'President'. ('PFA' stands for Pig F**kers of America!) That person that's really blown it has to wear the too-small stinky t-shirt at the next gig. The moral of the story is that each band has their own way of dealing with its members - whatever works for you will probably be fine.

Wow,

now what is left for ANYone else to add???

As to what motivates people to form a band - there is the heartwarminig story of how The Sistres Of Mercy came into existence; one guy wanted to hear his song on the radio, so he talked his friends into recording something with him. They did. They heard it on the radio. They never meant to go on after that, but accidentally hooked up with a bass guy. And somehow, they never quit playing and became a Rock Band. They never wanted to be stars (or so they claim) which is why they were able to survive (somewhat) the horror of playing in "some of the most disgusting clubs" (or so they claim).

Yelbakk

This will teach me not to say anything when I'm the first one here...

(Barry Manilow and the Beatles in the same post!?!!?? )

But what I would add to Lentilla's definitive posting is this:

First, you have to love making music. Love it so much it hurts. Love it so much that you forget to breathe when you're making it/it's making you. Love it so that it's easier to imagine the ends of the universe than to imagine not making music.

All the rest will fall into place - some of it hard, some of it easy, some of it so far from your lap that you'll never know it fell at all. But the music will be all that matters nonetheless.

Don't Let This Happen To You Dept.: Years ago my youngest brother decided that he loved music too much to make it something he 'had' to do (i.e. 'make a living'), so he basically gave it up. I decided I loved theatre more. He and I spend most of our time together kicking ourselves.

But a sure-fire tip for making it big: get a Chick Guitarist. Get two. Have one play bass. It doesn't matter. There is nothing anyone can dream of that is sexier than chicks with guitars.

-7_is_that_a_G+_chord_or_are_you_just_glad_to_see_me_?_7

Yeah... What's really funny is that Barry Manilow didn't write 'I Write The Songs!'

Good one, Lentilla. Next you'll tell us Patrick Stewart never commanded a starship...

To the section marked 'Gimme Shelter'...

My hubby remarked (after reading it) that what is really needed for the perfect garage practice room is a dedicated circuit that runs that room only. It should have at least a 20-amp breaker.

Oh, yes. And Wayne Newton still has naturally jet-black hair.

(actually, it's kinda disturbing. It looks as if he's dipped his head into india ink.)

A dedicated circuit is a really great idea. Of course, if you have a wall of Marshall 1960BV 4x12's @280 watts a pop ('pop'... get it? 'pop'...) that you routinely crank up to 11, then you can't run 20 amps on a 20 amp circuit.

(At 280 watts, you could only load 7 onto a 20 ampere breaker... It's the ol' "West Virginia" Law: Watts = Volts x Amperes...)

-7_missing_George_7

Oh, definitely. But having a Marshall stack that size in your garage would probably break the glass in your windows, wouldn't it?

At this moment, the classic rock station in our area is doing an A-Z countdown of all the Beatles tunes... Pretty cool. It's too bad that it takes the death of a Beatle for the radio station to play something besides Sergeant Pepper's... (Right now they're in the M's - Maxwell's Silver Hammer... and let's see, Mean Ol' Man should be up next.)

On the subject of picking guitarists and bassists - always remember the established rule that the last guitarist in has to play bass. At least until the second guitarist croaks or leaves.

That's how it usually works! But the best way is to find a real bass player - somebody that when the jobs were being handed out, said "I want to be a bass player!" Those third guitarist guys will be able to play Roger Waters style bass (boomp boomp boomp boomp) but very rarely will be able to pull off Bootsie Collins riffs unless they've studied.

Playing bass is very different from playing guitar - the strings are plucked or beaten rather than strummed and the riffs are more rhythmic than melodic. Good bass players are actually frustrated drummers. They work very closely with the drummer, and many of their punches are dependent upon what the drummer's playing at the time - good bass/drum sections are the backbone of the band!

My spouse is a bass player in three or four bands (which is why I know as much as I do!), and has mentioned wanting to write an article on playing bass for the Guide... I wish he would - but he's concerned about the copyright laws.

Whoa! I play bass, too. (It's a small world, after all. It's a small world, after all. It's a small worl KA-BOOM!!.......) (Sorry. It had to be done.)

I've always considered the bass a melodic backbone - punching out the rhythm while counterpointing and harmonnizing with the guitars / vocals. You will notice how world-famous I am with this philosophy...

One of the points about the power requirements I wanted to make (but I couldn't figure out how to make it funny...) (oh, well) is that: more and more these days, bands are recording themselves digitally for Internet distribution, etc. This could then bring additional computers into the studio that are dedicated production tools (vs. those required for the synth.) More electronics = more power. And, of course, the all-night jams and the self-shot videos will burn up lots o' lightbulbs.

Not to be overlooked is considering the sheer weight of the growing inventory of equipment. This contributes to the popularity of the term 'garage band' and the scarcity of references to 'attic bands'...

-7_E-A-D-G_7

No, it wouldn't hurt at all to have a breaker that's capable of handling more than 20 amps... cover your basses, so to speak (guffaw)

Recording yourself digitally is a great idea, but like anything else, the more money you spend, the better you'll sound. Recording MP3s and MPUs from an existing CD is pretty easy, and I know of at least two studios in the D/FW area that offer a package demo deal - $150 to $200 U.S. for studio time and copies of the demo. (I don't know how much studio time or how many copies you receive) A digital recording can be made of the studio tracks at home, and it'll already be mastered. Of course, if you already have the recording equipment, do it at home - there's no reason why you can't get a good sound out of your garage. Pearl Jam and David Gray have done home recordings. As long as you know the principles of managing sound and its relationship to electricity... a complicated, twisted subject if there ever was one.

Now, now - if you wanted to become world-famous, you probably should have chosen another instrument. The bassists are the unsung heroes of the music biz. (Course, I'm biased...)