h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I always knew I wasn't alone. But I would probably never have started if one of my friends hadn't started doing it first. I would have let out my anger in a much more explosive way, much less healthy for those around me.

Yeah that can be a positive way of looking at it, but you try telling a normal that!

I agree. Self injury does not, in and of itself, make someone 'sick.' It's what drives you to the extreme of self injury that is unhealthy. Self injury *is* only a coping skill- not the best but also not the worst- but when that's the only coping skill you can find, you have to admit that you aren't exactly thinking clearly. Speaking as a reformed cutter myself, I know that I was far from mentally stable when I was addicted- and yes, I agree that it is *very* addicting. But my cutting was still only a coping skill- a way to deal with the hallucinations and the blankness that I felt and the occasional flood of emotions that I couldn't handle. Cutting completely took over my life. I stopped hanging out with friends, stopped doing schoolwork. Nothing mattered except the pain. It got to the point where I had to be hospitalized- a slap in the face telling me that maybe I should try and find a better coping skill.

Heh. I lost my train of thought. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I agree with you completely, Lisa. And if you (for anyone reading this) do injure yourself, tell someone. Like with any addiction, it's hard to get over, but especially hard to get over by yourself. Just don't let yourself get to the same point that I did.

I've never talked about this before.

I have been playing with a razor blade all night, just giving myself little nicks. Then I sat down with the blade and watched a show. I didn't really realise until I turned the light back on, but I've made maybe 50 or 60 small cuts on my arm, in nearly uniform little lines. They're really shallow, not bleeding or hurting at all, just stinging a bit.

I've been cutting myself for years but I usually do it in places where it won't be seen. I'll have to wear a jumper for the next week or so or my parents will freak.

I'm not sure how relevant this is to the conversation. I'm sure that cutting myself isn't *healthy* per se but it doesn't mean I'm crazy. I've read how some people cut themselves until blood is pouring down their arms, but I don't do that. I'm not a huge fan of pain, most of my scars are very faint and I'd never consider killing myself. I see cutting myself as a way of dealing with things. I don't know why, but problems seem easier to handle and my emotions are more under my control after I've made myself bleed.

I know that this is a public forum, but I'd appreciate it if what I've said isn't mentioned in any other thread here. Thanks.

I found when I had big problems that cutting seemed to make them smaller and less significant.

Cutting isn't healthy, there is certainly better ways of dealing with things, but sometimes we are in a space when we can't find that better way.

I am glad you didn't cut yourself so badly that you were one of those with blood pouring down your arms. I hope you feel better now and that your emotions now feel under more control.

I hope you don't ever feel the need to do this again, but I know it took me a long time to stop. Even now I still sometimes want to when things go bad, but I don't do it anymore. Good luck with your future.

well hey I'm 32 and I still cant stop half the time and I've stuck myself in hospital more than once, but then I probably am I nutcase everyone seems to think so from what I can see

Today sees the 8th month anniversary since I last took a burning cigarette to my arm. And it's about a year [I think] since I last gave myself a near death experience.
And 10 months since I was in the loony-bin.
I've BPD so technically I'm a weirdo, not a nutter.

I would say congratulations, but somehow that demonises your previous behaviour - or at least makes it shameful.

So well done on the achievements you have personally made.

Fellow weirdo,

Mort

Thank you m'dear.
I don't think a congratulations demonises the behaviour... But I guess in the right frame of mind and coming from the wrong person it could... A consultant maybe. But certainly not coming from your good self.
Unlike a number of folk I've never felt ashamed of being a self-harmer... And I still am one, the urges are still there, still part of nature. I think a phrase like "reformed self-harmer" that I've heard a few use, that carries an un-needed judgement...

Anyway, how is Mort - The Gothic Princess? And your insane cat?

Well both my cats are now insane - or at least have symptoms of self destructive behaviours! One chews his leg until it bleeds and is on meds for his anxiety and the other - little angel, well she nibbles her fur (like a bunny eats grass) until her back legs are bald.

I am not sure if I am imprinting behaviour patterns on them or vice versa(sp)
When one is better the other starts and when they are both ok then I start At least they haven't taken to stealing the wine

The last 6 months haven't been so good for me. Every appt for the last 3 months my GP has talked about me going in to hospital for 'a rest'. But I won't leave my cats. I mean who else is going to understand them and their little quirky ways??!!

I hate hospitals. And therapists/consultants/phsycs/ all those sort of people who think they know what they're talking about

Well I found going into the Villa for a rest was helpful for me. I liked most of the fellow 'residents', and being stuck in there was liberating and being freed of responsibilty help me focus better on taking responsibility for myself and other odd paradoxical things...
OK so a number of the staff were a*ses but it's good to have a 'them' and 'us' thing going on.

You've made me think of how those caring for the elderly and disabled ambandoned them to the storm in the US whilst others refused to leave because they wouldn't leave their pets... It's the perfect example of what disgusts me about humanity.

You don't want to take a rest, 'fine' I say... You don't want to leave your cats with someone else, 'do what thou shalt' I say. I hope the cats aren't an excuse to do badly unto yourself.


I'm lucky... My therapist and GP do know what they are talking about most of the time. My consultant less so....

Just a query. How did you guys actually get diagnosed with BPD?

I have a counsellor at school. She's rubbish. But. She wants to ring my parents and talk to them about me. She was going to do it without my knowledge, let alone my consent. Is she allowed to do that?

I don't want her to talk to my parents.

I didn't think that was allowed, but maybe it is

Try asking another teacher or the principal if it is allowed.

Did she ever tell you that what you told her was confidential? Try telling her that if she told your parents without your consent (or your knowledge ) then she would be seriously betraying your trust. If she's even a half-way decent counsellor and not just someone who answered a want ad, then maybe that'll stop her even if she is allowed.

Maybe not.

That's why I'd never talk to *anyone* about private stuff, this site is the first place I've *ever* mentioned stuff, and even then, not even 10% of it.

A few people on here know almost everything but nobody in RL knows it all. I was told that everything I told her was confidential, and if she betrays my trust, isn't that just pushing me away and mking me less likely to talk to her?

If she told you everything was confidential, and she wasn't lying then she *can't* tell your parents unless you OK it, and *especially* without your knowledge

I'd go to the principal about her. You don't need to go into specifics, just tell him/her that you were told that everything you told the counsellor was to be confidential, and you've since found out that she was going to go behind your back to your parents. That's serious.

I'd definitely stop trusting her, I'd stop seeing her, but that's just me, I wouldn't have started seeing her.

It's good that you've got friends on Hootoo and in RL that you can talk to. It must help a lot

I think I might wait to see if she does try to set up a meeting with my parents. I told her I didn't want her to so she might not.

What you told her will be confidential, but I don't think that can stop her getting in touch with your parents to say you have been 'struggling'.

She has asked for your permission which means she is trying to be open with you so as not to betray you.
But at the end of the day if you are under a certain age then the school can contact parents to express their concern about your demeanour/mood etc, without divulging the contents of your discussions with your councillor.

It may even be a legal obligation for the school. Depends where you are and what the extent of their concerns are. For instance - schools will often contact parents if grades are falling etc, or if another teacher has expressed concern (who knows nothing about you seeing the councillor) then the school may be forced to act.

Either way talk to your councillor about it and if it something the school is obliged to do then go over guidelines about what is likely to be said and get reassurance that nothing you don't wish to be discussed will be. At least then you can take an active part in it rather than feeling things are being done with which are out of your control.

But equally she may just have been suggesting it to see how you would feel about it. Sometimes it is easier for someone like a teacher/councillor to tell parents that you aren't coping.

Let us know how you get on.

If the councillor is a medical professional rather than just a teacher with a title then they are obliged to keep everything you say confidential and not share it unless they have concerns above a certain threshold for you safety.
But as the lovely Mort said they may not stop them from making parents aware they have some "concerns" without going into any great detail.