h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hi Mort,
thanks for the reply but as I am on a digibox and have no computer access I can`t follow the links. Once agagain thank you for the reply.

I have copied this from my site...

There are things which can be done to help scars heal and change appearance and we have included links to the following:

Boots Pharmacy produce Elastoplast Scar Reduction Plasters

Veil Cover scar covering makeup

Ciara-Care Gel Sheets

Other things that people have found useful are

Vitamin E creams

Cocoa Butter


A large commercial chemist could probably price the veil cover scar make up and Ciara Gel sheets and order some in if they don't stock them.

I know how you feel though, as soon as people see your scars they start behaving like you are from outer space. I would rather people would just honestly ask (i won't fall apart and cry on their shoulder!) and get it over with instead of shuffling and feeling embarassed and making me feel ashamed and guilty about them

Mort
Thankyou so so very much for that info. I shall skip along to boots tomorrow and see what I can get, the scar reducing plasters and the scar covering makeup sound good.
I hate to pry but if you don`t mind, have you tried any of these products yourself?
About the scars though I really feel ready to go back to work but I don`t want to be "that new girl thats got scars allover her wrist. She`s weird, crazy etc"
Oops i`m rambling on again, big thanks an and a for you,
Carrie

I have used gel plasters, and i have to say that they do make the scars cuts heal quickly with less swelling and keloid tissue - you know when it goes red and lumpy for 9 months. Although lots of yuk comes onto the plaster, but i was amazed at how well they work.

I haven't tried any cover up make up though. I also heard that the red cross have advice on covering scars and know about decent scar cover make up, but i have never phoned them.

I have been told by a couple of professionals that any massage of a healed wound will help with scar reduction. It helps break down adhesions and subcutaneous fibrous tissue which raises the scar and can make it 'twinge' months after it has healed.

People at work were used to mine but i did have to keep them hidden from the public - which was hard in the summer. Do you have a wide wristband watch - you know the elasticated ones? they cover quite a bit. Or even a cheap bangle that is wide too.

If it is a new job, then if you can keep them hidden until you have proved yourself in what you do then they won't get as freaked by them, as hopefully by then they will have got to know you and got on with you and will see a bit of the person before they see the scars.

Now I am waffling on

Anytime you fancy a chat just drop by my page U204689

Mort

hi
i think the problem is generalisation.
i self harm
i am mentally ill
that doesn't mean that all people who self harm are mentally ill though does it?
not all of us are addicted to it either.
i think it's true that it is a coping strategy, that is at least 98% true
but other generalisations are harmful.
cheers
CC

That depends wether you consider self harm to be a disorder in and of itself.

"doesn't mean that all people who self harm are mentally ill"

It depends on what you use to define mentally ill.

Self harm is a coping mechanism. People with a variety of disorders may use self harm. But many people need coping mechanisms - ie alcohol, aggression, yoga, cigarettes, SI, sex, meditation etc - there are both negative and positive ones.

Using a self defeating behaviour as a coping mechanism (ie one that does not increase a sense of self value or self worth and is by it's very nature based on negative emotion) implies an unhealthy mental state. Using a positive coping mechanism is what a person with a healthy mental state does. Most people have times of extreme but remain somewhere in the middle.

But an unhealthy mental state could be classed as a mental illness.

I should add...

That for some people using a negative cm like self harm to allow them to get by and live a relatively 'normal' life is a positive thing.

Knowing what works and being able to accept it as a tool to *positively* live a life can work. Unfortunately few people can manage it without the associated bad feelings, which contradicts the reason for doing it in the first place.

Normality is the illusion that people create so that they can rebel against it.



Lizard

The negative attitude should stop. When my girlfriend sfound out she got on my case about it, which jsut pushed me to find new places she wouldnm't see. I just needed support. Still do.

People are afraid of things they don't understand.

Why should they judge when they haven't been to a place that dark?
Sorry, it just makes me angry. Drinking yourself into oblivion is okay but this isn't?

"Why should they judge when they haven't been to a place that dark?"

It is precisely because they have never been somewhere that dark that makes them feel afraid.

To me and you it makes sense as a coping mechanism. But to someone else, it is as alien as wife battery is to us. Something that we could not copmprehend a reason for (and I am in no way condoning the battery but it is an example of how we feel revulsion at the thought of it in the same way they feel about SI) and would feel unable to understand.

It is not your friends fault - she cannot understand it because she does not feel like you do, and even then may choose another way to express that.

I got sick of feeling ashamed of it, but eventually I began to understand that their repulsion was not at me or what I did, but how they would feel if they did it - because it is so alien to them.

Not sure if that makes sense but it took a long time for me to be able to forgive their horrification at what I do to survive my depression.

Mort

That does make sense, in a weird way. I'd be pretty horrified if I knew that their coping mechanism was to mug old ladies, say, or something like that.

I am pleased you understand that Sometimes I am not sure if things make sense only in my world or in other peoples too

You may have to come to some sort of agreement with your friend.

At anytime she wants to talk to you about it and learn more then you will happily discuss it and try to explain how you feel/what triggers an episode etc. But it would really help you if she didn't get angry or upset** with you when you do it. Otherwise you may find it awkward at times. Explain that you want things to be the same between you even though she knows what you do and has difficulty understanding it.

**of course getting upset or angry is because she cares about you and it hurts to see a friend distressed and doing things like that.

I am sure once she has got used to it then it will be ok.

Same thing happened with a couple of my friends, now they just say something like 'you been at it again then' and we roll our eyes at each other and laugh. It is a good way of mentioning the unmentionable! But if I need a hug I always get one.

A year ago at a fair, a man yelled across the hall about the recent red scratches on my arms. I nearly yelled back, 'yep that is what happens when you cut yourself, anymore comments?' But as I knew lots of people there and wanted to keep the peace I yelled that I had lost a fight with a cat.

I find when you are in so much pain it has become confusing where it is all coming from, ie physical illness and emotional pain from so many directions, self-harming is a way of taking control and for a minute being able to say, 'that pain came from there and nowhere else'.

It gives you a break and a rest and clarity, just for a moment.

I never really understood why I did it, just bored I guess, I stopped now, but I have some horrible scars, luckily I've had a big tattoo over them, so they're not as noticable, however, i'm certainly wouldn't call myself unhealthy, either mentally or physically, it's just something I did, for no apparant reason...

When I'm not episoding, I find it kinda hard to believe that i even do that stuff, but then when I'm *that* bad, it just seems like the only way.

I always found it as a way of replying back when i can't do it any other way. As a preeteen it started when my mom would yell and scream at me and i wasn't allowed to answer back. And now once in a blue moon when the dh makes me feel like pond mud (verbally never anything else)i'll just do it again. Knowing that i could never, ever, argue back, i guess this is my way to get the anger out. But never where it would be seen. I had'nt heard of other people doing this sort of thing until i read this article. (I'm over 35)
Boy, are my eyes opened!

Hugs to all!

-gobie

That makes sense voicing your feelings when you are not allowed to.
to all as well.