h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I imagine it will go on for ever.

And if I were feeling myself right now I would have said "Gosh, the same thing as when you were at school? It must have been going on for a very long time then! " but I don't feel like being cheeky now. I just couldn't let that line slip past.

I suppose I asked for that!

Well Teens can be... for lack of a better word, Jackasses. There's nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex, and as I see it, the sexual tension is something that you just supress, you may be lusting over this person, but that doesn't mean you're gonna actually go and do anything about it. Just like someone doesn't usually go up to someone on the street that catches their eye and asks to have sex.

I have a friend of the opposite sex who I've literally grown up with. There had never been any sexual tension at all between us.. in fact, we'd never even thought of it til one night when it was us and a case of beer (not the first time, but read on...). We'd both been through recent breakups with our latest respective lovers, and the beer got us talking along the lines of "Nobody understands me the way you do... We should just tell them all to off and go it together.. etc" This led to a brief period of sexuality to our otherwise platonic relationship. It didn't take long to get to the mutual 'it just feels weird' confessionals.

We have long reverted to our habit of describing our relationship to ourselves or anyone that asks as siblings (though no blood ties are actually involved). It's just easier to say, "This is my brother/sister," than it is to say, "This is a friend with whom I've shared so much over so many years we're closer than any brother/sister combo could ever be, but no, we don't sleep together."

i have loads of male freinds and in the large majority of cases there is no sexual tension usually tension of a different type like being highly irritated by their smugness and ability to call me a 'fat sweaty man' at regular intervals. but hey, it can still be difficult havin a boyfriend cos even tho i feel comfortable that nothin is gonna happen with my male 'friends', it can sometimes be hard for him....

i suppose i'd probably be uncomfortable too if i knew he was spending a lot of time alone with another female...

Ask h2g2! http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/h2g2/classic/F19585?thread=187523&post=2076648#p2076648 :-) Sus

Well I try to have sex with nearly every female friend I have and dont see a problem with it. To me its just an extended part of being friends. The trick is not to see it any deeper than an advanced expression of love and careing. If it happens it happens if it dont or stops then thats okay too. Most people I have had sex with as friends are still friends even when the sex thing ends.

With you there Lucinda; although it need not be unspoken. I'm in a happy and stable relationship, and still have a number of 'girlie friends' - where it's clear that there are boundaries and we are just friends.
However, it's a fact - usually a fact acknowledged by both of us - that there is a spark there. In some ways it's actually better than getting to physical sex... like a long-term state of being in the early stages of a new relationship.

my closest friend is a guy..we talk of everything..even the weirdest things you'd never even talk about. We even giggled about us never having sex together..though we knew each others desires. I knew what he thought of every girl he slept around with. until..one day..it happened. just like that.
I was shaky..really shaky after that. It happened a few times over..but..but he stood firm.. friendship never changed. Infact..we crossed into land that went beyond everything. Just opened up new things for us. As closest friends. We already had no inhibitions about telling each other things. If any existed..none did now..and still doesn't.
he's happily married. But he's still the one person who i really open up to. Never physically..again...but..elsewise.

i think you just need to relxx and go with the flow.Once you do this everything will fall into place.

I'm a (mostly) stright male teenager, and almost all my friends are girls. I have an amazing tendancy to start really liking them only to get the exact same answer when I ask them out: "Why don't we just stay friends? You have been so good to me and I love hanging out with you, so lets not lose that."

I am always at a loss as to what to do. I've been there for these amazing beautiful women since (in some cases) before we started school, and I'm the type that can't help but have feelings for them. I'm a romantic and flirty person, and this is high school, so our relationships have always had a certain element of tension in them Having to face them every day knowing they don't want me and that being a really good friend isn't enough makes it nearly impossible to be around them without screaming "What do you want from my life? Am I truly that disgusting?" at the top of my lungs.

Now I just have an irrational and paranoid fear that I'll befriend all the interesting women I meet and wind up a jesuit because I couldn't have a family with anybody I might want to.

Did I just dump all that out? Sorry...It only just happened to me again earlier this week, making this the 9th rejection from a close friend.

I know the feeling ... it seems to me, at least from my experiences that most women, when looking for male friends or confidants, generally want just that. I don't think every guy necessarily wants to get into a sexual relationship with every woman that he considers a friend, but it seems that guys tend to want to take their friendly relationships further than women do.

It is a difficult and important issue that you have raised here.
The answer is yes, and no.
The problem first and foremost comes from 'personal' tastes. If your 'friend', is the sort of person that you always 'dream' of having sex with, I can assure you that your friendship will move to another level sooner or later. Or at least, you will make a move and lose the friend because you are 'not' the sort of person they always dream of having sex with. Or one of you will realize that it's a tricky, dangerous situation, and bail out. Or, best case scenario, you will both 'realize' you are meant for each other, and get at it. Screw friendship when love's possible.
But let's assume that you regard each other as normal, opposite sex persons. Then the first thing to do to cherish a friendship is to respect each other. And yourselves. Don't make jokes that cross the red line, don't get involved in activities that cross the red line, don't get involved in contact that breaks the red line...
( for a few examples: don't get drunk and then decide to spend the night at the same place, on the same bed, naked, cuddling, watching a romantic love movie, with the candles lit, trying to prove to yourselves that your friendship is stronger than your desires. It just won't work. Don't start pinching each other's arses either. Or describing to your friend how beautiful they are or how they have lovely eyes and cute boobs and firm butt and how you would love to kiss them... Don't start asking them questions about 'do you believe in love?, when was the time you first made love? tell me about the best orgasm you've ever had! What are your sexual preferences? What turns you on?...' )
The idea here is to avoid, by all means, anything that will lead to sex. You can use your imagination, but don't be paranoid either. Just use common sense. If you KNOW that saying something will spark enthusiasm because it's the 'RIGHT' moment, then don't say it. It's exactly the opposite of what you would do if you were actually trying to have sex, sort of: don't say the right thing at the right time, don't do the right thing at the right time... In respect to sex of course, because friendship does involve physical contact, caring for each other, ... Just make sure that you stay out of the Grey areas and don't start imagining that you are 'THAT' close because 'THAT' close can only be achieved in bed.
Then, you do have to realize, finally, that there is some tension that cannot be avoided at all: like I said, it might be just a fantasy, or a desire, or something that the other person does that attracts you... It's not always wrong to have sex with friends, it might be casual, it might be an accident, it might end up being that great LOVE... just don't try to be perfect either, no one is.
So if you feel that the tension is too strong, don't force yourself. Either stay away from the person, or let yourself go, and see what happens. If it turns out to be wrong, the tension might just dissolve. If it turns out to be right, you might hit the jackpot.
Good Luck:p Though you don't need it

I think it's possible. I only feel any kind of tension between me and my male friends if the male friends happen to be single when I am, and other friends come up with schemes that one of us has a crush on the other, or there's a secret romance going on.

Sexual tension, I've yet to encounter. I've thought of sex with my male friends, but mostly in the same context that I check the yellow pages for celebrity names or look for piercing jewelry my mother could wear. It's theorethically possible, but I'm not mad enough to think it would happen, or would be a good thing if it did.

My "brother" died in 2006 (four days before dad). Can't believe I wrote that above while he was still alive.

Anyway, yes, it can cause problems with the significant others on both sides. Funnily enough, once they become ex-significant-others the problems all go away and everyone is friends.