h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Personally I think all narrow Devon lanes should have signs at each end reading 'This is a local road for local people' (or something like that). Grockles should be encouraged to stick to the M5 or the A roads in Devon - it takes years of practice to be able to competently navigate the little lanes down here.

But that would ruin our fun seeing them struggle each year - also they have difficultie with the big roads to. I have to take extra care in the grockle season on the Junction 30 roundabout as the grockles play "Let's see if I can drive in all the lanes in one lapround the roundabout without indidicating"

ChawkE

Ah-ha! I spy an Exonian! (-ish, maybe) Mind you, it's not just the b****y grockles who screw up Sandygate roundabout - many of the locals who drive round it are adept at lane-jumping too. And as for the tight curve when you come off at junction 31 (for the A30) - the skidmarks alone are evidence of some people's lunacy.

I suppose there is some sense of enjoyment watching grockles struggle on our roads, but by the end of June it begins to get rather wearing. The ones who irritate me the most are those who drive at a constant 43mph - whether it's on the dual-carriageway, down narrow lanes or through a small town's High Street.

Snap! I ride a bike and it irrates me big time, they hold me up in the lanes, and in the villages, because I stick to 30 and 40 limits they pull away from me, then of course I catch up to them in 1/2 a second when the limit switches (I'm a bit more "relaxed" about 60s)

But these are locals and grockles.

One grockle in mobile home type thing with who I guess was his wife in a Volvo behind managed to move across 3 lanes in front of me last week without indicating - neither of them!

"Deaths to good for them"

ChawkE

Grockles? In a mobile home/Volvo? Driving badly?
- surely this is a most unusual combination!

Don't bikers have a name for Volvos, or at least Volvo drivers? (I mean, apart from the obvious.) I was told one once but it seems to have slipped the mind.

We just call them Volvo drivers! And whatever swear words I can think of.

Mobile home wasn't the best description, camper van type thing, don't the yanks call the RVs?

Well today almost got hit by someone moving across three lanes in about ten yards, without indicating, then almost appearing to come back at me (in the midlle) for a second attempt.

Off now to challenge roundabout again!

ChawkE

Don't you sometimes get tired of endangering your life on that roundabout? When I lived in Manchester I used to travel to and from work on a notorious stretch of the M61 - sometimes I'd just drive through Manchester city centre to avoid the motorway. Maybe I was just being a scaredy-cat(woman) but every day it's just too much. (Drifting off the point about Devon roads slightly).

No, never scared, it's a challenge, plus I know the risks of that one roundabout and have developed almost a sixth sense that tells me when a car may change lane without indicating.

Also, as I live in Exmouth (http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A224542) and work very close to the motorway I have little choice.

ChawkE

Oi! Go easy on us tourist types please - we're not all that bad.

It's you locals that are the problem, zooming down those tiny lanes like it's the M1 or something...

A couple of points this grockle would like to make;

The flat cap brigade drive like that all the time, regardless

I'm fairly positive european visitors think the speed limits are in KPH

There are a LOT of people out there that think national speed limit means 30MPH

I've very wary of the tiniest lanes after coming a cropper on a painful combination of gravel, cow dung, moss and grass that was residing right on the riding line though a corner (that was on 2 wheels btw)

Does anyone ever take any notice of the 40 MPH limit on Dartmoor? Is it really only me the sheep aim for?

You're probably right about that - just like football fans grockles get tarnished by the same brush as the badly behaved (or in this case driven) ones. But there is still a notable change in quality of driving that occurs every year, just after Easter, reaching its peak (or should that be trough) in July/August. Caravans for a start. [No, stop it. Count to ten ...] And then there's the family of cyclists - all twelve of them weaving all over the road like there's nothing else on it [1 ... 2 ... 3 ...].

Being careful around tight corners is all part of being competent at navigating Devon lanes - us locals don't drive fast everywhere, just where we know it's safe. As ChawkE said, it's the drivers (and they are invariably grockles) who weave across lanes of traffic without indicating, or who drive at a constant speed regardless of where they are, or who don't take advantage of nice, long straight bits of road by, preferring instead to stick to a 'steady' 19.2mph.

Foreign tourists who think the speed limit is in kph shouldn't really be driving in this country - are they sure about which side of the road to be on? I'm not being xenophobic, that's a pretty fundemental difference between mph and kph. Mind you, those drivers who think the national speed limit is 30mph should also be encouraged to stay at home. I'd fully support a 10 year re-test scheme help keep driving standards up in this country, and that includes my standard of driving.

But then keeping grockles away from the South West would seriously damage the tourism industry (even more than it is now) so I guess we'll put up with it, chuckling to ourselves every now and then.

There's grockles and grockles, those like my friend Sue who are regualr visitors are well welcome and no problem.

But there are others.

Locals can be bad as well. I was recently in a car being driven at speed by a local who knew the roads so was going round the bends as close to the middle as possible. Going roound one bend we came across some local bikers doing the same. Luckily, for the bikers, it was a left hand bend and they were leaning away from the centre, but even so it was close.

Ho hum, that reminds me, I promised Sue I'd do a Bikers Guide to Devon sometime.

ChawkE

Oh, I completely agree. It's only those grockles that give cause to be noticed that bring the bad name on all grockles. And I agree about the locals too (I think I mentioned it somewhere before in the conversation) - we're not perfect (well, I'm certainly not).

Let's face it - life in Devon just wouldn't be the same without a few grockles to moan about/laugh at/get angry with/etc.

But how could I resist rising to bait like that?

I must confess I have, several times found myself yelling 'bloody tourists' (as well as 'bloody locals') whilst driving around Devon, which usually manages to raise howls of laughter from those with me...

I think my visit there mid May proves the point really - the journey there took several hours less than usual, the roads were empty pretty much everywhere we went - which was great, although sometimes things seemed almost spooky it was so quiet.

Oh and one visit in August about 10 years ago was enough to convince me off-season holidays were the way to go (the tourist that dislikes tourists)

Haven't you started that biking in Devon entry yet CH? Tut tut

Got lots of ideas for the entry in my head

Don't take corners on the white line, a local in a car (or tractor) may be doing the same.

Don't overtake tractors with trailers if there is a farm gate approaching as trailer indicators are never connected or work

Whatever MAG think, headlamps are essential all day, especially in the summer as some tree lined roads are very dark in summer.

etc

Will do the rest later Keep nagging.

ChawkE

Don't forget the bit about cow pats, gravel, moss & grass in the middle of those single lane track things that pass for roads round there

And some Dartmoor specific tips on avoiding sheep & ponies would be useful. Is it my imagination or do they hate the average biker more than Volvo drivers? (or London cabbies, depending on your point of view )

Nag.


Nag


Nag


Nag


Well, you did tell me to...

Never had any probs with sheep - we train them only to attack Essex girls

It's not just grass, on my route from work on main, 2 lane, wide road, there are some bends that accumalate pebbles up to 8 inches big at times, most about 2-3. They gather just on the bike line you would take if you didn't know they were there. When riding with friends who don't know the area I always stop before them and tell them to follow my line on the next few bends.

Well that's another idea for the entry.

ChawkE

Trained attack sheep? What do you make them do, head straight for white stilettoes and shell suits? I once got mugged by a Derbyshire sheep, somewhere by Edale, it nicked my lunch and piddled in my rucksack... and did you know Dartmoor ponies can smell jaffa cakes at 500 yards? Never, ever take jaffa cakes onto Dartmoor...

Back to the point (for a change) avoiding sheep is actually easier on 2 wheels than 4.. what else? Oh, avoid riding thorough Widdicome, Moretonhampstead or any other small town popular with the blue rinse brigade, the convoys of 5+ coaches just ignore anything with less than 4 wheels (anyone driving a Reliant deserves anything they get)

And you did offer to lend a hand with a Dartmoor entry too... remember?

Nag

Nag

Nag

(this is FUN!)

You start yours and I'll start mine.

Point of fact - apparently most ponies on Dartmoor aren't Dartmoor ponies but Shetland. THis always confuses me, as to my mmind if it lives on Dartmoor it is a Dartmoor Pony. Abi is you expert, search the guide and you'll see a university project Abi never finished lurking.

The blue rinse brigade must have been in hiding two weeks ago whe 6000 bikes descended on Plymouth - did you get my emails about that or were they lost when you had PC trouble.

TTFN

ChawkE

OK, next project on the agenda, *if* & when I ever get this blasted uni project finished...

Dartmoor - anyone else reading this feel free to contribute... please? specially if there's anyone out there that actually understands letterboxing (personally I can't understand walking on Dartmoor and looking at the ground the whole time, but each to their own)

Basically (I think) letterboxing was invented by people who weren't content to just walk and admire the beauty of Dartmoor. This is usually enough for most walkers, but alas, there are those that just have to be different...