h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Being a Solemn and Serious Creature, my thoughts on Superheroes are Sad Ones.

I think any hero benefits from having a Dark Side: Sherlock Holmes’ cocaine habit; Modesty Blaise’s backstory in a refugee camp; Inspector Morse’s repeated failures with the opposite sex.

In the Superhero arena, this takes the form of a Super-Weakness, and the best weaknesses come from Marvel Comics (particularly in the early days when Stan Lee was a working writer):

• Spider Man is a wimp school-kid who lives with his aunt.
• Iron Man is a businessman on the verge of a heart attack.
• Daredevil is blind (his secret identity is a blind lawyer).
• Deathlock, a later character not created by Lee, goes a stage
further. His Tragic Weakness is that he is Dead.

In my Humble Opinion, DC Super-Heroes don’t measure up. Superman has Kryptonite, of course, but most of them are too smug by half.

Best weakness of all is the Hulk's. He only comes into existence because Bruce Banner loses his temper.

Superman's weakness was clearly in his pants, both colour and syle.
Spiderman may have been a geeky aunt lover but at least his costume was smart enough.

And costumes count.

Notice how Bruce Banner's knob never grew really big and green when he changed? And how his jeans always stayed on?

What was Wonder Woman's super-weakness?

I guess women in general (and female superheroes in particular) will NEVER admit to have a weakness or flaw whatsoever. Thus Wonderwoman seems to have none (but I'm sure she has. Maybe she loves icecream and other sweet stuff, and has to renounce constantly to keep her body lean,fit and ready for action...)

The super hero super aura must extend for at least a few super centimetres from the super duper subjects super skin. This facilitates the super modesty of said super hero. Can you imagine superman being dunked in acid and emerging unscathed but super naked? Although pupular with the ladies I'm sure it would have reduced his crime fighing abilities somewhat?

Very true. I totally forgot about super modesty.

Does that mean evil superheroes are super kinky?

I suppose Dr. Octopus was always a bit worrying.

I've actually seen the "super-aura" explanation in a Superman comic book. That was after the writers realized that the only indestructible super-fabric on Earth would probably be Kal-El's baby blanket from Krypton.

I expect there was a super sewing kit in the super glove compartment as well then.

IIRC Mrs. Kent knitted the costume.

what do you bet the bigwig comic writers figured being a woman alone was enough of a weakness for wonder woman.

Actually, it's even better than that. In olden times, they made Wonder Woman lose her powers if a man could bind her. Kinky, huh?

Today, she doesn't have that weakness... but she *is* made of clay, and therefore subject to some people who have control over dirt.

Actually, it's even better than that. In olden times, they made Wonder Woman lose her powers if a man could bind her. Kinky, huh?

Today, she doesn't have that weakness... but she *is* made of clay, and therefore subject to some people who have control over dirt.

Wonder Woman has another weakness. She hates to lose. This may seem a bit lame as a weakness. But imagine this, she has a microchip implanted in her brain which makes her believe that she is fighting an opponent who is her every equal. She will keep fighting until her heart gives out. This was how she was defeated when Rha's a Ghul decided to take out the JLA in the Tower of Babel story arc.

In this, she's quite like Batman, who is riddled with flaws:

- he hates to lose, and finds it VERY hard to admit whn he's wrong
- he has a habit of pushing those he loves away from him
- he is obsessive to a point where it can endanger his physical and mental health

Of course, he also has a lot of tragic 'baggage': the death of his parents, the death of the second Robin and so on.

David

Actually, I get the impression she loves to fight but secretly likes to *lose*, as long as it's to a worthy female opponent. She's lost to weaker Amazons that way in tournaments. And this is about the only way we can explain her loss to Storm of the X-Men during that Marvel/DC crossover business.

Wonder Woman's super weakness was she was unable to take Steve Trevor home to met her Mum the Queen or the Amazon Island would blow up.