h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The regular broadcasts from CFPL and Cablecast are blacked out and simultaneously all local radio stations cease broadcasting. After 30 seconds of dead air, a wolfish looking face appears on the TV and speaks:*

Citizens of London. The forces of STUMPED have taken over your city. The police have been subdued and the Mayor and council are in our custody. No one will be hurt and life will continue as normal but you will henceforth be ruled by STUMPED.

*Thirty seconds of dead air follow, then the TV and radio stations broadcast Warren Zevon's "Werewolves of London"*

OWWWWWWOOOOOOO!

umm... wrong london...

We got the other London too.

(BTW I live in this London IRL)

*appears in a flash of light and a smell of saltpetre*
Not while I still stand! Have At You!

...Ye charlatan!!

(provides supporting fire for UH in the form of...
...fire)

BBW's fur is singed and smelling REALLY bad...

GL, your pic is done at:

[URL removed by moderator]

although it looks a bit crappy. Behold, all, and see the visage of BBW, and both GL's, all in one!

Now, to business!

A zippy orange flash falls from the sky and thumps into the floor, in the shape of Death Avocado.

[DA] NOT so fast!

*The CLI Min-UFO flies over the land, firing upon any STUMPED facilities*

*The Police Force quickly signs the contract for another year's lease on their helicopter. Several heavily armed commandos leap aboard and fly off in pursuit of the UFO.*

4 against one, Mr Hound.
Give up now.

More like 4 against a few hundred. I did note earlier that STUMPED forces had replaced the police force and the Mayor's office.

*BBW smiles as another citizen reaches the front of the line and looks warily over the counter at him.*

Citizen: I understand you are giving out tax rebates?

BBW: Yes, sir. I'll need some identification, then I can give you your cash.

*The citizen shows a drivers license and BBW checks on his computer. All is in order, so he turns to a bag of cash and pulls out a substantial sum. He hands the money to the man who first looks astonished, then jumps with glee and runs out of the room to tell his friends. BBW picks up a phone and speaks:*

We'll need some more money dispersers down here. The lines are 3 deep now. Can't keep our happy citizens waiting, can we?

*He hangs up the phone and smiles at the new citizen across the counter.*

*The helicopters lost the CLI Mini-UFO after it cloaked inside a cloud bank. The ship has been resting, unobserved, behind the building currently occupied by BBW, and replaces all of the bags of money with different bags of money. Affy hides the old money in a secure place, before zipping back into the sky*

Well, phase one has been accomplished. Computer, mark that "Phase One: Seed" has been accomplished. Activate "Phase Two: Sprout."

COMPUTER-Aye, aye, Afgncaap5.

*Affy watches as an untraceable Ether-Net message zips into space*

This is gonna be fun.

If they pay off every citizen in every city, which they seemm to be doing, they'll surely go bankrupt...

You'd think they'd have already bankrupted themselves by now- perhaps they have a secret source of income...

...Such as their own mint!!

Or maybe they're just better funded than we are, like I was saying before.

Mmm...yes...what we need is an official sanction, from the H2G2 government...

Or a lottery grant

*BBW momentarily notices a slight change in the texture of the money his is giving out and inspects a bill. He finds nothing wrong, shrugs and continues to hand out money. The whole town, by now, has heard about the tax rebates and most have been in to one of the money depots to pick up their cash. The citizens are very happy with this new government.

BBW thinks that soon he will be able to do as he likes in this town. He chuckles inwardly.*

Inkwash looks around for anything resembling an ice-cream van or campaigning saloon car... anything with speakers on top.

"How to undo brainwashing?"

*Suddenly, the space ship that Affy sent a message to appears floating above. Oddly enough, this ship is The Draco. But Affy's plan is made clear as soon as the Draco begins its broadcast*


People of London, your attention please. You are now the completely worthless scum that comprises our slave forces. Over the coming years, you can expect the noose to tighten and your workloads to become more severe under our freocious STUMPED rule. Many of you may cry out in pain and suffering, but if you all just keep working, the days will pass and you will silently slip away into a better place. Now...what do you mean we don't have that much control yet?

*Muffled whispering*

WHAT? WHO SENT THAT MESSAGE????

*Very panicked whispering*

Oh, no...message over.


*The Draco makes an embarrassed retreat, and the entire population of London gasps at what they have just heard. Affy looks at one of the bills he planted*

I was hoping the Werewolf wouldn't notice what I've done to these bills.

*Waves one at Inkwash*

See this? It's real money, but I wouldn't touch it without wearing my gauntlet.

*Affy jumps back into the Mini-UFO, and begins broadcasting a message all over town*


People of London, don't trust these tax rebates! A lot of this money has been covered with an agent that will slowly cause everyone to catch the flu, thus making work harder when STUMPED troops come in to reduce you to slavery! Fortunately, the antidote for this rather unfortunate accident on their parts is available wherever a CHOPPERS agent is located.




*Affy returns, and hands several serums of the antidote to every available member of CHOPPERS*

This should keep the members of STUMPED busy for a while. I knew I could count on KL's tactic of hamming up his plan to help get our message across. The flu scare won't really do much, but it's nice to know that their systems aren't infallible.

And yes, STUMPED is better funded than we are. But we can have more gadgets at our disposal, time permitting. Thanks to CLI.

Hooray!!

(looks around again, exercising the "furtive glance" superpower)

Is there anything I can do to make myself useful?