h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh look! We've graduated to our second dot! Our little thread is growing up, how lovely...
Did you know that in Italy, Andrea is a man's name? My neighbors, however had a daughter with than name. She was the child of the brother of my landlady, and we all lived in different apartments of the same house. The siblings did not get along well, and often argued, much to my voyeuristic pleasure. Both would later confide in me their displeasure with the other, "and they gave their girl a man's name!" said my landlady. "In all the other languages I know Andrea is a woman's name," I explained. "But not in Italy!" she said.
I don't know what the point of that was, but whatever...
There was a radio DJ with a sort of British accent, Norman B. I wonder what happened to him. Maybe you could take his place...

Hey there,
Sorry I've been absent. I like our second dot too! I've been (and still am) in London doing the American Embassy 'can I have a visa' jig. I did the dance and they gave me a visa so I'll be in your continent as of next Saturday!!!
Will write a bit more when I'm not in a cyber cafe which is ripping me off by the minute.
Phil

Dear Phil,
you'll be married in a month. how about that?

How about that! Well, it ain't so chummy! 18th Aug so 2 months. Sorry so sullen and non communicative. My parents are up and helping me to move and all is pandemonium. Will write when in Bellingham and relaxed with a pina collada or a beer at least!
Phil

I guess so. I can't count. Is is to be a grandiose wedding, or will you be headed for Vegas?

Neither. We'll be in Larabee Park in Bellingham on a rock what juts into the sea. Aaahhh!
Phil

I'm not familiar with the place but it does sound lovely. So you'll be departing in just a few days. I trust you've made this trip before, have expereinced its horrible jet-lag, and are increasing your fruit consumption accordingly.

Fruit? Ok. I was told an aspirin the day before to thin the blood. Well, I'm rushing about but if I get a chance I'll write you a proper message on the plane (on my trendy Psion palmtop)
Phil

Never heard about that aspririn trick, sounds logical though. Fruit has melatonin, which regulates sleep cycles.

Well, here I am in the land of the frei and the home of the breve. I'm ecstatic to be with Andrea but a little lost wondering 'what do I do now?' I've not been unemployed for years and suddenly I'm jobless and wondering where to go now. Any bright ideas? I want to be a graphic designer, that's what I WANT to do.
La la la, something will come up.
How are you? What are you sculpting?
Phil

If you want a job, call up a company you want to work for and say in your best RP-voice-of-the-BBC accent and say, "Have you any openings for a graphic designer?" and try to work in a few "British English for Americans" words like barrister and lorry, and you will have a job.
Me, I am sculpting a piece of such monumental glory that, once it is finished, poets will cry at the sight of it.
It's raining in seattle today. Had you been to the Pacific Northwest before? Did you have full knowledge of the weather here before you decided to marry?

As a non poet, will it be okay for me to weep at your monumental sculpture too? Or must I stand unmoved and stare at it be for turring loudly, rolling my eyes, muttering 'Oh, for God's sake' and wandering off.
I was aware that the weather here is not much different than that in the good old B.R. of Itain but I moved for love and not for sunshine. Having said that it's a beautiful day today.

I will try your tactic of calling up in plummy tones.

What's your monumental sculpture of? Is it abstract?

Yesterday morning Bruno (the dog) and I went for a drive out to the countryside (further into the countryside) and I found a big old burgundy barn in the American style and which was falling down. The shingles were falling from the roof and it was full of big plants as tall as me. I spent a lot of time photographing that and Bruno had a look round and then huffed and puffed. It's so great to have such a good new scanner. It scans negatives and slides as well as prints.

I photographed a close up of a British plug socket before I came out here and the other day I scanned it and gave it the same colour background as the walls in the living room as well as a shadow. I theen printed two copies out top quality and framed them and they're on the wall at plug height.

So there
Phil

It would be quite alright for you to weep. But it's only requisite for poets. Whether you sob at it's beauty depends on whether you appreciate it. It's a trick see, like the emperor's clothes: only the truly sophisticated will be able to appreciate it. It is not abstract. I believe that as a society we've passed out of that adolescent phase of abstraction in art. It's going to be a shapely woman with large breasts--a much more mature subject, you will no doubt have noticed.
That plug installation belongs in an Avant Garde museum. What do british plugs look like? Standard euro type with two round prongs?

Hi there,
I have been very lax in my writing. I'll do better soon, promise.
We're going to Seattle tomorrow. Anywhere we should go and see, oh wise one?
Phil

Wise one recommends,
Broadway on Capitol Hill
Pike place market
Experience Music project.

Thats two days though. the first two take up one day, and the emp deserves a day of its own.

Dear Phil,
I hope you enjoy every "Sodit" you spend in the USofA and pity the poor Andreahh! You sound like the red haired english devil I had to run off back to Berkley. Pity, he was a good looking lad, but the ego, and oh, my the sottiness. I am perfectly sure that you will rot off in poor Andreahh's life as soon as you can.
I am sure you will be very happy and wealthy in America. Welcome to the land of oppourtunity. (Word) I would not be posting that you are getting married to get in. You still need to stay married to Andreahh for a few years, and jump though a few more hoops.
Tah!
JLCtheTTP

Dearest JLC the TTP,
As a Canadian, in want of a green card, let me offer to sooth those wounds left by that disappointing Berkley boy...

Just how many years are a 'few years'?
I would need to know that before we get too involved.


~jwf~

Help! Our conversation has been taken over by persons incomprehensible.

What on earth is that all about. Why 'tis barely English. I chrage thee, begone and don't return. Haste ye whence thee came and remain there, foul talkers of nonsnese.

oops. sorry.
Me. I'm just a poor Canadian boy looking for a green card and a stake in the land of milk and honey.
JLC the TTP is honey. And I'm milking this opportunity.

Actually, I'd be content to have a place to park my camper south of the Mason/Dixon for Jan/Feb/Mar...

Carry on. Pretend we don't exist.

peace
~jwf~ (always wanted to go to that burning man thingy...)