h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Watership Down was one of my first literary loves. It was absolutely magical to my ten-year-old self (it is still very special to this thirty-three year old.) There will always be a little part of my inner landscape where rabbits frolic in golden sunlight.

I think we take our favorite stories with us and make them a part of ourselves. I bottle-fed an orphaned rabbit kitten (named "Fiver" of course) that I released in the wild when he had been weaned. From Tolkien I have a cat named Pippin (I have yet to find a suitable Merry.) In the spirit of Bilbo I usually give away one mathom at Christmastime.

For me the joy of language is how it allows us to share the best parts of ourselves with those around us. I intend to pass Richard Adams' gift on to my nieces when they get old enough to enjoy a good book. I am hopeful at least one of my nieces espouses an interest in fantasy so I can lure them into Tolkien's Middle Earth.

For that matter, Vogon poetry might make an amusing read for a young mind forced to slog through Dickens.



-THDoM

Aaaagh, pre-20th century literature! I had to read Wuthering godamn Heights over christmas, and boy did I hate it.
http://www.h2g2.com/A238268

Watership Down was my introduction to furry. I have seen it 16 times. It has a very firm place in -my- heart too.

Well, Mr. High Duke of Mars, it's good to hear you enjoy reading - I used to read a lot but something called children has hindered my reading - oh and this wonderful toy of a 'puter which we only got last July!

Have you read "Quest for the Faradawn" by Richard Ford? It's really good!

Augh children.

Yes, larvae have a way of cramping the style (and budget.) I am not so blessed, but other peoples' kids are certainly fun -- most especially because *I* can stuff them full of sugary treats and send them home to Mom and Dad without having to face the consequences.

I am one of those annoying uncles that purchases noisy toys at Christmastime. *I* only have to listen to them for an afternoon. The kids' parents (my beloved brothers and their harried wives) get to appreciate the toys until the batteries die (or get removed.)

I have not read the book to which you referred. I'll go to my library and see if I can unearth it. Being in a small midwestern town the library's funds tend to be spent more on things like the latest oeuvre of Gay Talese than Orson Scott Card, but I go nag the librarians until they get the books *I* like.

We have an excellent collection of Larry Niven, Poul Anderson, Frank Herbert, Sir Arthur C. Clarke, Kim Stanley Robinson, and David Brinn.

We have far too much Anne McCaffrey for my tastes, but the head librarian remembers her from her Harlequin Romance days.

Ah well.



-THDoM, or Joe to his friends

A rabbit is walking along one day and all of a sudden feels thirsty so he pops into the nearest pub for a pint or two.

By the time he has had four pints he is feeling a bit tipsy and gets the raving munchies so he goes up to the bar and orders a cheese toastie.

He makes short work of it and finishes it in about six bites.

Another pint later and he is hungry again so he goes back to the bar and this time orders a ham toastie. Once more this is gone in a flash.

Still hungry he goes back again and has a tomato toastie quickly followed by a mushroom and bacon toastie.


All of the sudden he keels over and dies.

At the Pearly Gates St Peter stops him and asks him how a rabbit so young and fit could be dead.

The rabbit looks him in the eye and says:

"Mixing-my-toasties"



(Boom, boom Mr Roy)

*GROAN*

Hey, I got one!

A bloke and his chick are driving down a road, when a rabbit jumps out. Predictably, they drive into and kill it. The bloke gets out, distraught and guilty. As he's plodding around the corpse feeling bad his bird gets out.
"stfu I got something for it" she says.
She whips out a can of hairspray from 'er 'andbag , and sprays it over the bunny. The rabbits springs up, combs itself, waves to the pair, and hops down the road. After a little while it waves again. A bit further, another wave. Further, another wave etc etc ad infinitum until it gets out of sight.
The bloke is ectastic.
"How did that work out?" he asks.
The wummun says "Real easy. It says here: restores hare, adds permanent wave."

Whaddya think?

*Gwennie thinks hard for a minute......*

Okay, how about this one?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A frog goes to the doctor's feeling rather sorry for himself and is told by the doctor that he has gonorrhoea.

"What can I do about that then?" says the frog.

"You'll have to go and see the Wizard of Oz." replies the doctor.

"Okay!" says the frog, and off he goes...

A minute later, a rabbit comes into the doctor's surgery and his ears are all bent up.

"What can I do with my bent up ears?" asks the rabbit.

"Oh!" says the doctor, "You'll have to go and see the Wizard of Oz."

"Fine!" says the rabbit. "How do I get there?"

"Well," replies the doctor, "just follow the yellow-pricked toad!"

Oh oh damn! What's gonorrhoea?
*^_^*

*Tries in vain to look innocent....*

I'm not sure - maybe it's something to do with waking up and finding your ears have gone!

You lie!

*Looks offended whilst still trying hard to look innocent...*

Moi? Tell porkies? Perish the thought!

Porkies ?

A nun goes running through the convent and bursts into the Mother Superior's office. "We've just discovered a case of gonorrhea right here in the covent!" she exclaims.

"Oh that's a relief," replies Mother Superior. "We're almost out of the chablis."

100 nuns in a convent are dancing with the Mincing Monks. The Mother Superior walks in and the monks scuttle off. MS is angry...

"Today I found a condom in the toilet" said she.
99 nuns gasped, one nun giggled.

"It was a used one too!"
99 nuns gasped, one nuhn giggled.

"With a hole in it!"
100 nuns gasped.

Mike - "porkies" = pork pies = lies

Jewish hand grenades = dead policemen

That's what I meant!

*Looks puzzled* Jewish hand grenades? What dead policemen? Where?
Am I completely missing the point here? *Thinks she must be as that's normal for Gwennie who usually misses everything...*

Jewish hand grenade = pork pie

Fans of The Young Ones should recognise the other one.

Policeman = pig

*Smacks head with hand...* Oh, the Young Ones! Excuuuuse me!